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Brahma
04-12-2011, 06:41 PM
A bird-lover's (fearful) prayer

I have a bird within a cage
Who brings me joy in my old age.
I love to listen while he sings
His trills and other dulcet things;
And seldom yearn for carnal vices
Like treacle tart and yogurt ices.

But should I die while I’m asleep,
And no-one’s left, a watch to keep,
I pray some kind soul feels he ought t’
Give my bird some food and water.
For judges on the other side
A starving bird will not abide;

And those who don’t their bird support,
Will stand condemned – as well they ought.

MorpheusSandman
04-12-2011, 10:08 PM
I think you let the meter and rhyme get the best of you here. There are a few clunkers, and I'm puzzled why you elided "to" into "t'", even though the former works just as well with water, seeing as how it's only the feminine ending that doesn't quite rhyme. There's also the occasional verb/object inversion, which is a typical sign of twisting a line to fit the rhyme.