A sultry sensual summer (a teenage girl unfulfilled)

[Biggus]

How I look back with regret
At that summer long ago
A sultry sensual summer
A time of sexual awakening
When I was on the threshold,
The blossoming of womanhood
And how I curse the time
I wasted on you
All those hours in your room
Listening to your music,
Your creative juices at work
Your incessant toe tapping
And finger clicking
To your tuneless efforts
Played on the out of tune guitar
That accompanied your juvenile
Angst ridden ramblings
“The music of your soul”
Was what you called it
God you were pretentious
Even for a teenager it was extreme
You were self obsessed,
Self regarding, self centred
Self absorbed, self deluded
Egocentric and narcissistic
In fact if the word
“Narcissism” hadn’t existed
They would have had to
Invent it just for you
If only you had realised
I wanted to make music with you
Raw unscripted passionate music
An ardent duet,
Fervently reprised
I had creative juices
I had creative juices to spare
I had a song of teenage want
About a frustrated nymphet
In lust with a pretentious musician
Who would rather finger his fret!!
Well I had urges
And I was left unsatisfied
By your excruciating folk
And your mournful dirges,
You called me your muse
Like I should be flattered
I didn’t want to be your muse
I wanted to be your groupie
I panted at you in desire
I dressed provocatively
I hinted at my lusty inclinations
I suggested you play my body
Like an instrument
But the sexual connotation,
Like everything else, was lost on you
And I remained unsullied
That sultry sensual summer long ago

[Delta40]

I loved it! My older brother was a would be muso and I mixed with other would be's. It is exactly as you said (this coming from a gal who worshipped Adam Ant!) My naive devotion hankering like a Jim Jones follower and their self-absorbed ignorance. What a combination for youth. This is one of your best Biggus.

[MorpheusSandman]

I think this could do with some cutting and snipping, but there's some great material here for a really good piece. I think towards the middle it becomes too much of a prosy rant. A lot of the direct insults have already been suggested, or could be suggested. Poetry is very much the art of suggestion. I think you get back on track with the metaphors towards the end, but I think you could simply get there a bit more creatively.

[Biggus]

Thank you both

[deryk]

A musician that doesn't take advantage of a young girl? Is that possible!? I thought the descriptive actions in this were great. "Music of your soul", "played on an out of tune guitar"; those sorts of things really nail the occasion home. When the poem drifted into the descriptions of self-obsession, I thought its power waned. The shift away from the act of remembering into the act of abstract labeling made it feel more like a rant and I was less able to empathize with the frustrations than in the beginning lines. The middle section seemed mired down because of this. I loved the rest!

[Biggus]

Thank Deryk I appreciate your imput

[Mutatis-Mutandis]

I, for one, as someone who went through high school years with out girlfriends, was very angry with the guy you discuss. What an idiot.

I did find these lines a little out-of-place, a bit cliche, though:

In fact if the word
“Narcissism” hadn’t existed
They would have had to
Invent it just for you

These just felt a bit out of place.

[Biggus]

Yes I think you maybe right.

Thanks Paul