The Place Of Dreams

[Revolte]

There is a place,
a wonderful place
high in the mountain of dreams,
where the Lilly pads grow
in the lake by the snow
and nothing could never be free.
A place I must find
beyond dreaming mind
where I can climb the freshly grown trees.
So I'll rest my worn eyes,
sleep well in this night,
and kiss it's beautiful breeze.

[MorpheusSandman]

I like the ballad-meter rhythm, though I'm curious as to why you split the lines up in 2/2/3 instead of 4/3 as is usual for the meter. I also like that the 2/2 lines rhyme as well, which bring to mind Robert Burns' highly musical rendering of the meter. I also like the dreamy tone and subject matter, although I think I would alter the "a wonderful place" line as I think it's an unnecessary repetition.

[JamesC]

I found it very refreshing, and as morpheus's suggestion change from "place" to "space".

It still rhymes and removes the reptition.

[_Shannon_]

I don't get it, I must admit. If it's so dreamy--why can't everything be free and why do you want to get there? Also why is Lilly capitalised and not lily pads?? Is Lilly a girl??

[Revolte]

I don't get it, I must admit. If it's so dreamy--why can't everything be free and why do you want to get there? Also why is Lilly capitalised and not lily pads?? Is Lilly a girl??

Because it's a place I dream about sometimes lol. Nah my spell check just stressed on it being capitalized lol

and I used a double negative (I think idk I'm tired, stupid dentist) with the free part "nothing could never be free" so everything is free.

[deryk]

Very musical and breezy. The form was wonderful, but I think some of your word selections became redundant in a way that didn't add to the musicality.