Taking Root

[everyadventure]

The pull of gravity, strong today,
brings me to my knees: resistance requires too much.
Finally I press myself to the magnet of earth;
we rotate around the sun's periphery
as shadows creep over my calves, buttocks, back.

When darkness falls,
I hear the intestinal rumble of earth's unsettled core
and my stomach grumbles a reply
in conversational commiseration.

As morning breaks, my fingers sprout roots,
fine white tendrils seeking soil:
planted to the planet,
I have no thought, no wish.

And that is all right: walking, chewing, sexual reproduction,
they're over-rated.
And defecation: who needs that?
The wind, the rain, the frost,
I will take the seasons
as they come.

[PrinceMyshkin]

It's a robust poem - as far as it goes! That is, you had my attention, to what felt like the wind-up to some grand (or withering) observation, but taking the seasons as they come was uncomfortably close to "defecation." What gives?

[everyadventure]

@ Prince: I dunno. I went and took a nap :)

[blank|verse]

Well, I have to disagree with Prince - I thought that line about taking the seasons as they come was a mighty fine one! So much, I feel with a bit of rearrangement, it wouldn't half be a bad line to open the poem with.

I think the tone of this needs some work; it sort of swings between the quotidian and the extraordinary. I loved the image of your hands sprouting roots - brilliantly surreal and it really took me by surprise.

But the next stanza reads more like Philip Larkin, so is a bit of shift in tone. Maybe you were concerned you didn't want the poem to go too far 'out there' and I suppose that shift gives the poem a check against that.

Thinking about it, you could pursue a different version of this, perhaps in ballad form, or with a chanted refrain, like this (suggested from the poem itself):

I will take the seasons as they come,
The wind, the rain, the frost.
it seems to reflect the 'mother earth' feel of this very well. Good stuff ea.

[Jerrybaldy]

Yielding to inactivity whilst pondering bodily functions? I never thought you had it in you Misadventure. I enjoyed.

[Bar22do]

Great to read this one, ea. I agree with B/V's remarks, though I wouldn't have been able to detect any weak points... (it's his speciality!:) ) - I enjoyed your vision and surreal take. Bravo! from Bar

[everyadventure]

Thanks, all. I was having one of those moments of utter exhaustion, where I wanted to lie down and not move for anything: not food, not love, not even to go to the bathroom! Tee hee :)

[Delta40]

Is this a poetic way to say S hit Happens? You crap on beautifully EA and I am one of your fans!

[deryk]

Darkness. Transmogrification. Life goes on. I actually wanted to see more in stanza three! I feel like I missed out on some amazing change of the speaker. The rest of the poem is just as effectual though.

[MorpheusSandman]

This has some great moments but I think it needs both some trimming and elongating. I feel like the more conversational bits, eg, the opening lines and last stanza, are a bit at odds with the remarkable images in stanza 3 and 4. Line 2 feels a bit unnecessary, since I think it's already suggested in line 1. Line 6 is a bit of a cliche and isn't really needed. In fact, I think just jumping to those "rumblings" would make the image pop even more than it does. The final stanza is having a bit of an identity crisis; the first 3 lines are completely divorced from the last 3. I'm with BV in that the last 3 are stronger, but they do feel more like a refrain than a closing.

[everyadventure]

Intriguing idea, guys, to move that last stanza to the beginning. But as the poem is about laziness, I am too lazy to bother, although I suspect you may be right ;)

Thanks for reading, your feedback is always interesting to read!

[Hawkman]

I thought the overall effect of the poem to be strong. I too enjoyed the image of taking root in repose, bonding with the earth. In the last stanza I don't think you need:

"And that is all right:" in the first line to introduce the list. It would be more effective to go straight into it, I feel. I'm always wary of scatological references in Art. I have a sneeking suspicion that they are always included just for the shock factor. Therefore I don't think you need to highlight sexual before reproduction. We know what reproduction is in context. The defacation line works for me though.

Good one ea.

Live and be well - H

[everyadventure]

@Hawk: I highlighted "sexual" because a plant still reproduces, whether by pollination or grafting... it's the "human" factor I'd like to do away with, you see :)

[Hawkman]

Plants respire and excrete too! As you start off human I think we get the idea though!

[hillwalker]

I immediately thought of some 'earth mother' yearning to return to her roots, literally.

H