A Haunted Poetry Contest

[Haunted]

subject:
those three words


It’s Valentine’s Day. You just want to hear those three words. Except...

Those three words spoken to you are not those three words you expected to hear

That's right. It’s Valentine’s Day and someone you are close to said to you, I hate you.




rules:
the poem must contain “those three words”
you must be born on 1948 (or not)
you may be drunk while writing the poem



length:
KISS



deadline:
wed 3/30 11:59pm (your local time)

[YesNo]

It was Valentine's Day when she said
It'd be better if I woke up dead.
"Drop dead, baby," she cooed,
"That was poisoned." I chewed--
Yes!--then swallowed the fate I was fed.

[jajdude]

Wait, what are the rules again?

[Haunted]

The rules are basically "no rules".

BUT please Keep It Simple Sweetheart. I can't read long dense poems (dyslexia and borderline ADHD). If anyone submit anything that resembles T.S. Eliot's Wasteland it's an automatic disqualification :D

Just stay in topic:
It’s Valentine’s Day and someone you are close to said to you, I hate you (or to that effect). Dont forget it has to be three-word phrases and the phrase "those three words" MUST be in the poem

Y/N, your three words already beat the ones I came up with in my head. Nice going!!!

For a little more background to this contest...
http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1018442

[Delta40]

My heart beat
erratic in the extreme heat
as I opened the card
that played 'Happy Valentine's Day'
like a chipmunk gone horribly wrong.
Those three words spat:
'Go To Hell!'
The tomcat sprayed his hate on me.
I slithered across the floorboards,
varnished in my own pungent sweat
to sink eternally under the tepid waterline
of my limescaled bath.

[Haunted]

:smilielol5:

[Jerrybaldy]

She was clipping her big black toe
the gothic varnish
covered her foot fungus
and her milky white nail
in flawless perfection.
I gave her a red rose
but she wanted
those three words
'I love you haunted.'
I am a free spirit
I ripped the rules
and went in with four.
'Don't be a twat'
she offered back
with a screw driver in each hand.
'Both for you'?
'You want one'?
'Would rather choke'
'Could be arranged'
'Go fu ck yourself'
'Would last longer'
'You can't write'
'You're no poet'
'Lets get divorced'
'We got married'?
'Its poetic licence'
'Now this poem is too long'
'There aint no pleasing you'
'What happened to three word phrases'?
'Life's too short'
'Like your manhood'
'fancy a screw'?
'Only a driver'
'I am pissed off with three word phrases and I am now going to write a really long line just to annoy you'.
'Polish your head'
'Have I written 'wasteland yet'?
'I have no idea as my ADHD means I am no longer reading'
' I need no audience'
'Why do you post your crap on here then?
'I don't know'
'Fancy a swim?'
'Which way to the sea, Jane'?

[Haunted]

hmmm we got a problem...

I don’t think I can be impartial anymore! But no worries. Being a professional problem solver, here's the new judging assignment:



"best of the best" award
judge: PrinceMyshkin

this will be the official winner. He/she will go home with the grand prize of $1 gamillion Litnet money



“my personal favorite” award
judge: OP



“the poem I wish I had written” award
judge: OP




Three ways to win! Ladies & Gentlemen start your pengines and keep them coming! :auto:

[soundofmusic]

Strange you started this; I wrote a poem for the object of my affection the other day and posted it on facebook::svengo:

BROKE A**ED LOVE

I get broke a** love nearly every night
if he's not at the club startin' a fight
Or stayin' with some b**ch that I don't know
or basin' crack with one of his hoes

Now my friends think it lame that I'm sharin' a man
but he's handsome and ripped and has a tan
He may not have money or livin' means
but a broke a**ed man can always make you scream:hurray::hurray::hurray:

[Jerrybaldy]

I woud like to vote sound of music the winner.

[Haunted]

We need to think up some really good choice words for her guy. Maybe the next contest? We can make an anti-love poem thread out of this...

btw you guys got me lmfao

[DocHeart]

I never got to see the roses.
The girl just said, “don’t worry,
They’ll look beautiful.”

I sat behind my desk thinking of her face
As she thanks the delivery boy
And slips him a fiver
And holds the roses
Like a baby to her chest, thinking
The bastard won’t leave me alone.

At night I disappear into a glass
And read her message from within
My personal, deeply submerged
Blurry vessel.
“Never again, love.” she writes
And depths unknown are there
To be explored
Again.

[Delta40]

At night I disappear into a glass! I was left feeling so empty reading your poem. Bravo!

I nominate DocHeart here

[Haunted]

Last call. Just one more day to write about your crappy valentine!

[Haunted]

Prince will now have the honor of picking a winner.

[PrinceMyshkin]

YesNo

It was Valentine's Day when she said
It'd be better if I woke up dead.
"Drop dead, baby," she cooed,
"That was poisoned." I chewed--
Yes!--then swallowed the fate I was fed.


I liked this for the deftness of the rhymes

Delta40


I'm Already There
My heart beat
erratic in the extreme heat
as I opened the card
that played 'Happy Valentine's Day'
like a chipmunk gone horribly wrong.
Those three words spat:
'Go To Hell!'
The tomcat sprayed his hate on me.
I slithered across the floorboards,
varnished in my own pungent sweat
to sink eternally under the tepid waterline
of my limescaled bath.


Ugh! You didn’t pull any punches, did you?

Jerrybaldy


She was clipping her big black toe
the gothic varnish
covered her foot fungus
and her milky white nail
in flawless perfection.
I gave her a red rose
but she wanted
those three words
'I love you haunted.'
I am a free spirit
I ripped the rules
and went in with four.
'Don't be a twat'
she offered back
with a screw driver in each hand.
'Both for you'?
'You want one'?
'Would rather choke'
'Could be arranged'
'Go fu ck yourself'
'Would last longer'
'You can't write'
'You're no poet'
'Lets get divorced'
'We got married'?
'Its poetic licence'
'Now this poem is too long'
'There aint no pleasing you'
'What happened to three word phrases'?
'Life's too short'
'Like your manhood'
'fancy a screw'?
'Only a driver'
'I am pissed off with three word phrases and I am now going to write a really long line just to annoy you'.
'Polish your head'
'Have I written 'wasteland yet'?
'I have no idea as my ADHD means I am no longer reading'
' I need no audience'
'Why do you post your crap on here then?
'I don't know'
'Fancy a swim?'
'Which way to the sea, Jane'?


Hell, if this had been a competition for the best 4 word, 5, 6, 7, 17-word kiss-off, you’s have won in all the categories!

soundofmusic


BROKE A****ED LOVE

I get broke a**** love nearly every night
if he's not at the club startin' a fight
Or stayin' with some b****ch that I don't know
or basin' crack with one of his hoes

Now my friends think it lame that I'm sharin' a man
but he's handsome and ripped and has a tan
He may not have money or livin' means
but a broke a****ed man can always make you scream


Great humour in this but I couldn’t find the three-word insult that Haunted required.

DocHeart


Valentine
I never got to see the roses.
The girl just said, “don’t worry,
They’ll look beautiful.”

I sat behind my desk thinking of her face
As she thanks the delivery boy
And slips him a fiver
And holds the roses
Like a baby to her chest, thinking
The bastard won’t leave me alone.

At night I disappear into a glass
And read her message from within
My personal, deeply submerged
Blurry vessel.
“Never again, love.” she writes
And depths unknown are there
To be explored
Again.


Ouch! A fine dose of heart-ache in this one.

And the prize goes to........JerryBaldly for being the best-groomed, most loquacious and all-around most stinging response!

[Haunted]

Congrats Jerry!!!! *screwdriver* *bloody mary* *bloody and merry* *scotch on the rocks* :banana:


Thank you Prince!


And thanks so very much for those who participated, your posts had me laughing for days.



Yes/No, there's nothin' like loving someone to death, no fuss no wuss and hopefully no traceable DNA:

"Drop dead, baby"
"That was poisoned."



DocHeart, your poem evoked a very different feeling for me and I found it very touching

read her message from within
My personal, deeply submerged
Blurry vessel.
Never again, love.” she writes



Soundofmusic, you are a riot! Love it!!!



Delta, you won “the poem I wish I had written” award!!

My favorite part:
as I opened the card
that played 'Happy Valentine's Day'
like a chipmunk gone horribly wrong.
Those three words spat:
'Go To Hell!'
The tomcat sprayed his hate on me.



“my personal favorite” award...JerryBoldlyBaldy!!!

Excellent jabs. And at their baddest they alchemize to something truly endearing and charming. Brilliant!

Bonus points for being totally indoctrinated in Trashisms. Jane is pleased.

Oh and what's really scary...those words Jerry put in my mouth are words I would actually say!



And now, "the lamest" award goes to............me!

(written impromptu)

those three words he said to me:

I met someone
by the way
Happy Valentine's Day

:dupe: :iamwithstupid:

[BienvenuJDC]

I missed this thread...I will try to get involved in the next one.

[Jerrybaldy]

Thank you haunted and prince, Wholly unworthy but chuffed all the same.

[Jerrybaldy]

I hope you chose a good combination of three words for that twat, Haunted x