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moonbird
12-30-2010, 06:16 PM
so i guess this is the end.

finally
the good strong walls
we build so long ago
have succumbed
to the cracks.

our battle wounds
still hurt
when touched;
i expect
they were never
properly
bandaged.

but they will heal now.

our horses
are so tired.
they stumbled over rocks
on shaky legs,
but now
they can rest
and eat
to the content of their
good hearts.

our armor
has begun to
rust
and chip away
leaving jagged edges
which cut the skin.

but do not worry, my child
for it is all over now.
this is the end.

dyne7
12-30-2010, 07:15 PM
great voice in this poem. i would remove the ending stanza. you began brilliantly and described some bleak things. just expand on it. your audience wants more. or, just edit what you have to include some more imagery.