Do you think prejudice stems from self-hatred?

[SilentMute]

When I was growing up, we were taught that we should be tolerant. It was a fine message, though I noticed years later that perhaps it wasn't practiced as much as it was preached. It seemed there was tolerance so long as the minorities stayed in their areas and never tried to get more than the crumbs that were thrown to them. However, the point is--despite the failings of my teachers--I grew up believing that this was an ideal I should aspire to.

While I don't run around in bedsheets burning crosses, I have to admit that I have often fallen short of this ideal...particularly as I get older. It is easy to be tolerant when you are not competing for jobs, trying to get healthcare or government assistance, etc. I usually manage to maintain a facade of tolerance even if my feelings are quite contrary. Of course, I would prefer to be tolerant rather than pretend tolerance--but if I can't do it, pretending at least makes my social life easier. I don't get into fights, and I'm generally very well liked.

I have had brief periods where I love my fellow man--and I have to say it is wonderful...and that is why I continue to aim for my ideals. Life is much more pleasant and free of stress when you can love other people and not think bad thoughts about them. It is unfortunate that I can never maintain these periods.

I have often gotten annoyed with myself when I have had prejudiced thoughts, because initially they seem very petty. I think I am like most people in that I don't always accurately identify what is truly bugging me--and I tend to focus on something superficial. I remember there was once a boy in my class that everybody made fun of because he had big lips. The teacher got upset with us because as it happened, he was the only black boy in the class--and because of what we teased him for, the teacher assumed we were discriminating the boy for his color. The fact was, though, what bothered us was not his lips or his race...but he seemed to suffer from schizophrenia, and he often behaved inappropriately or peculiarly. That was what scared us, but being children and unable to express ourselves adequately--we focused on a superficial difference.

I'm more reflective--but a lot of times I still focus on what are mere annoyances. It takes me a while to realize what is truly bothering me.

However, just recently, I discovered that all my prejudices towards other people are qualities that I myself also share. I never realized I did have them--but I guess I'm becoming self-aware enough to realize that I do. I had always heard that prejudice is a reflection of self-hatred...but I had never believed it. I believed some people were jerks, and what bugged you had more to do with what your pet peeves were--which is why one jerk bugs you more than someone else who is also a jerk. As for prejudice against other races and cultures, I realized that other people had different views and different ways of doing things--and that sometimes you just couldn't agree with them...and it got complicated when you were sharing a country with them.

But now I wonder if it has anything to do with that. So I'm curious, has anyone discovered if this is true: prejudice is rooted in self-hatred, and what we hate in other people is what we hate in ourselves?

[Emil Miller]

Prejudice is usually based on ignorance. If for example, without any foreknowledge, you dismiss a section of your community out of hand then that's prejudice.
If, on the other hand, you have suffered great inconvenience or physical assault and are aware that it is not uncommon with that section of the community, then that's experience.
If, in order to be Mr Nice Guy, you continue to call it prejudice, then that's self-deception. It has nothing to do with self-hatred.

[dafydd manton]

I agree with Brian. Hatred is nearly always the result of ignorance, one of the things that propagandists exploit so well. I've seen it in action, far too often, and it is very ugly, but I'm not at all convinced about the idea of self-loathing.

[soundofmusic]

I find that there is learned prejudice; but that is easily shed with learning more about a people and culture. However, I find that the prejudice that comes from people "being in your face" is a bit harder to deal with. I become prejudiced when I have boom boxes rattling my walls at 2am, when I close my windows, turn on the air and still smell the neighbors livestock (in the middle of suburbia), when I go to the laudrymat and a mother has brought 5 children who run about the place, screaming in my ears, throwing things and begging money...while she is on the phone or ignoring them.
Now I could say that they are just a few bad examples in a sea of good; but that only works for a while. Constant exposure to the same thing, and I get angry...then the prejudice starts sinking in

[Cunninglinguist]

SilentMute, I like your question and your insights because they facilitate intellectual growth. I think that they are profound and should certainly be explored further.

I am finding it difficult to answer this question because I am not sure how we are defining prejudice. Are prejudices exclusively negative opinions or can they be positive, too? I hold the prejudice that a prejudice can be either.

Everyone we meet we will inevitably and invariably project onto—as one of our only ways to judge the motivations for their actions is by referencing what our own would be. Or we may judge people by their qualities, either referencing how those qualities we share have affected us or referencing past experiences and the generalizations that they seem to warrant about such people. So it stands to reason that what you see in others greatly reflects what you see in yourself. If we are going to define a prejudice as exclusively a negative opinion then I think it would also stand to reason that some prejudice stems from the hatred of something personal (i.e. an insecurity). If we are going to define prejudice as either a negative or positive opinion I think it stands to reason that some of them stem from both insecurities and securities.

I think it is important to realize that there is more than one root for prejudice. A prejudice may arise because certain types of people threaten your self-image (such as an intelligent person threatening your superiority), or a prejudice may arise because certain types of people tend to threaten your safety (such as inner-city black males) or sanity (see soundofmusic’s post).

[Delta40]

I think there is definitely value in what you say. prejudice of any kind is a reflection of our own inadequacies. for example, the way a mother rants on at her child's shortcomings are the very things she abhors about herself, doesn't want her kid to do it and so treats them as if they can change those qualities that she cannot. when I look at prejudice in this light, I believe we all must look at ourselves. change must start with the individual before it will have effect on anybody else.

[EJMathews]

I do fear a certain 'type' of person, not out of self-loathing, but because I was physically and emotionally harmed by a person of this particular 'type' and it might surprise many what this 'type' is, but I'll not go into the description, because it is my personal fear.

I've over come it to an extent, I don't shrink away in reactionary reflex as I did in the time when it happened, but I admit there is still some second thought given to trusting a person of this 'type' off hand.

I was not taught this in my growing up by my parents or teachers or friends, it was a single incident that led to it.

[Emil Miller]

I do fear a certain 'type' of person, not out of self-loathing, but because I was physically and emotionally harmed by a person of this particular 'type' and it might surprise many what this 'type' is, but I'll not go into the description, because it is my personal fear.

I've over come it to an extent, I don't shrink away in reactionary reflex as I did in the time when it happened, but I admit there is still some second thought given to trusting a person of this 'type' off hand.

I was not taught this in my growing up by my parents or teachers or friends, it was a single incident that led to it.

EJ Mathews, I hear you loud and clear. You are similar( please note the word similar) to the man I saw on television who was strongly against capital punishment until he was deliberately pushed by a 'certain type' of individual ( I'll leave you to figure out who I mean in deference to the self-righteous who proliferate on the Internet and elsewhere) ) onto an Underground railtrack but was rescued by railway staff before the next train arrived. Needless to say, when he was released from hospital ,the liberal thinking idiot had changed his mind about capital punishment. The only question that remains is when are we going to restore this deterrent to protect those of us who are not so gullible? To those who say it doesn't deter, stop kidding yourselves, you wouldn't want to die would you?.

[Delta40]

EJ The only question that remains is when are we going to restore this deterrent to protect those of us who are not so gullible? To those who say it doesn't deter, stop kidding yourselves, you wouldn't want to die would you?.

this is changing the topic which is about prejudice and not a forum for the death penalty. personally, when you're prepared to mete out that sort of sentence on the people you cherish more than anything in this world, then you can prescribe it to others. at least that way, the prejudice of the justice system in all things, including sentencing of minorities would change.

[Emil Miller]

this is changing the topic which is about prejudice and not a forum for the death penalty. personally, when you're prepared to mete out that sort of sentence on the people you cherish more than anything in this world, then you can prescribe it to others. at least that way, the prejudice of the justice system in all things, including sentencing of minorities would change.

I think I have understood what the poster was trying to say and, having been subjected to a similar situation, I don't need the holier-than-thou approach to alter my response.

[Delta40]

I am not holier than thou but I do despise hypocrisy. It isn't my intention to lecture and you are free to take whatever position you like that makes you feel better.

have a nice day in the uk mr bean :-)

[SilentMute]

@Cunninglinguist--thank you! I'm actually glad I did post the thread, though part of me always dreads potentially inflammatory topics--and I always ask what I'm getting myself into. However, I like hearing other people's opinions because often they suggest something I hadn't considered.

I've always believed that prejudice could have many roots. For instance, I am immediately leary of anyone who says "I am a good Christian", because experience has taught me that often people say that when they are scoundrels and they are trying to gain your trust. I was also abused by family members who had been in a cult, though of course cults tend to perverse religions they are based on. However, I don't think it is fair to say that all Christians are pedophiles and scoundrels...even though I can name quite a few pedophiles and scoundrels who go around quoting the bible.

Admitedly, many cultures have behaviors that are part of the group at large...and even if they don't mean to be inconsiderate, they can be. If you complain to your neighbor about his chickens or loud music, he probaby thinks you are being mean because in his culture nobody is annoyed by such things.

I have found, though, that personally--my prejudices (or what I consider prejudices) tend to be towards people who have flaws that I dislike in myself. I've been hurt by many people in the past, but some incidences I have gotten over more easily than others. The same thing when I am vexed by behaviors of certain groups--many people tick me off, but I tend to feel more strongly towards groups that have qualities I share.

@Brian Bean--I understood your analogy, and while it could have went off-topic had people pursued it, I think it raises an interesting point to my topic.

I realize there are bad people. I realize they can't be rehabilitated. I have to admit, though, despite many drawbacks, I tend to be conservative in my views because I worry that certain issues can become a slippery slope. It could get out of hand.

I want to make sure that if I object to someone, I am justified in doing so. I'm not ashamed asking myself, "Is this prejudice, or is this justified?" Many nasty things could have been prevented if people in the past had asked themselves that question.

[Gladys]

A prejudice may arise because certain types of people threaten your self-image (such as an intelligent person threatening your superiority), or a prejudice may arise because certain types of people tend to threaten your safety (such as inner-city black males) or sanity (see soundofmusic’s post).

A prejudice is different from a justifiable fear or concern, as exemplified in the quote. How does a fear or concern progress to prejudice?


I had always heard that prejudice is a reflection of self-hatred...but I had never believed it.

I scarcely understand self-hatred. How does it come about? Is it related to narcissism?

[Emil Miller]

How does a fear or concern progress to prejudice?

If the fear or concern is justified, based on what one sees going on around one and perhaps also on what one has experienced, it doesn't become a prejudice it remains a fact.

[SleepyWitch]

I think self-hatred is too strong a word, but I'd say that most prejudice stems from low self-esteem/ insecurity. By low self-esteem I don't mean that people don't believe in themselves and don't see their own strengths. I mean the way that some people assume that everything going on around them is related to them or somehow aimed at them and thus any way of living or any activity that is different from what they do becomes an 'attack'. E.g. my husband used to be very insecure. Whenever we passed by a bunch of homeless people hanging around in subway stations etc. he'd get nervous. All they were doing was getting drunk, making a bit of noise but minding their own business. My husband would be scared of passing by them and thought they were out to attack them. I showed him how to just ignore them and walk past confidently. That usually does the trick. No homeless person has ever attacked me or bothered me in the slightest way. Whereas if you stare at them, maybe mutter and make comments, they might feel provoked and bother you (especially when they are drunk). Now why would those homeless guys be interested in my husband of all people, and why would they be interested in attacking him when they are clearly busy talking to each other and getting blasted?
Another example is how some homophobes seem to believe that homosexuality is 'contagious' or that homosexuals are denying them the right to be heterosexual. Some homophobes seem to believe that homosexuals have an agenda to convert everyone to homosexuality and that their message was that everyone should be gay. But most homosexuals are busy with their relationships or sex life and aren't interested in how homophobes or heterosexual people live their life. So why do those homophobes feel that their heterosexual identity is under threat from homosexuals?

I think lots of the everyday problems caused by prejudice have to do with the way we communicate and with a lack of social skills. E.g. in my home country (Germany) lots of people complain about their immigrant neighbours playing loud music. So what they do when their neighbours play music is sit in the house, mutter about the f*ing immigrants and gradually work themselves up into a state until they are ready to join a Nazi party. Why don't they just go over and say "Excuse me, I know you're enjoying your party, but could you please turn the volume down a bit because I find it hard to concentrate. Thank you." If that doesn't work, they could still call the police and complain and the ethnic background of those causing the noise has nothing to do with it. So I think part of the problem is that lots of people just don't know how to communicate constructively.

[SilentMute]

@SleepyWitch--I find it interesting that many things that are going on in the States are happening in other countries.

@Gladys--there are fears that can be justified...but I think the problem is that people tend to exaggerate problems. It is like when we are in high school and are made fun of. We are mortified and think the whole world hates us--but high school isn't the whole world. Same thing with a fear that might have some justification, but might be taken further than it should. I've had a few bad experiences with Christians, for example...but it becomes a prejudice if I become fearful of all Christians based on my experience with a few bad apples. Self-hatred should be the opposite of narcissim, which is self-love. Self-hatred can come about many ways. It can come from abuse, rejection, or messages a person gets from the environment. The result is that you hate yourself for these defects that you believe you have.

Ignorance can be a major problem. For instance, my mom and I were talking the other night. There has been a lot of resentment towards our immigrants because they tend to boast how they had mansions in their countries full of servants, and they grew their own food. But they decided to leave all that behind to come over to the U.S. to take our benefits and jobs. When our immigrants told stories of starvation and persecution, we didn't begrudge sharing our resources with them. However, now that they are all eccentric millionnaires who had it good in their country--we get angry that they take our jobs because we're in a recession, jobs aren't plentiful, and many people are having a hard time making it...and they, by their own claims, don't need it.

Being both ignorant of other countries and being a basically honest person who believes other people are just as honest about their lives, it took me a while to realize that the immigrants were lying about their mansions. I was always critical of immigrants believing the ridiculous stories they do about the US, but apparently I'm just as guilty for believing that everyone has a mansion in other countries. Apparently, they want to make a good impression on rich Americans so we won't think they are bumpkins, but unfortunately they are causing hostility to form against them. I guess to them, despite our problems, we still have it pretty good. I've also gotten offended because they often say rude things to me--why don't I have a man and children, why don't I work more, why don't I paint my house, etc. They form opinions about me that I resent, because the fact is that I don't want the same things they do. They get upset with me because I was born with opportunities they didn't have, and it frustrates them that I don't make use of them. I've also realized that they aren't always being mean when they do things that are annoying. They don't have the same sensitivities, and they often just live the way they did in their country...as everyone lived.

[EJMathews]

I don't see anything here that makes me even give a second thought to bigotry and prejudice originating from self loathing.

Where would the self loathing originate? (I apologize if you already posted about this)

[Cunninglinguist]

my husband used to be very insecure. Whenever we passed by a bunch of homeless people hanging around in subway stations etc. he'd get nervous. All they were doing was getting drunk, making a bit of noise but minding their own business. My husband would be scared of passing by them and thought they were out to attack them.

Lol. In my experience a great multitude of individuals carry this prejudice, probably from watching too much CSI and Law & Order on TV painting the homeless as sex crazed pedophiles and murder machines. It is very unfortunate, actually. =[


I don't see anything here that makes me even give a second thought to bigotry and prejudice originating from self loathing.

Where would the self loathing originate? (I apologize if you already posted about this)

Hmm. Have you ever seen those people who treat everyone as if they're unworthy trash? This may be defined as a prejudice against people in general. What this prejudice stems from is a low-self esteem, no? They are afraid that they are the ones who are actually the trash, so they treat everyone else as trash for security.

[OrphanPip]

Well self-loathing may play a role in those innumerable Christian extremist who rant and rave against homosexuals until they eventually end up arrested buying meth off of a 19 year old hustler.

Also, to Brian, the statistical evidence doesn't lie, the punishment rarely has an effect on a person's choice to commit a crime. This should be obvious from the fact that a country with the death penalty, the USA, has the highest crime rate in the Western World. The only thing the death penalty does is save the state money by lowering prison populations, not to mention it's state sanctioned murder and it's entirely barbaric. Even if it would lower crime rate in the slightest, which there is no evidence to support unless you go capital punishment crazy like China.

Then there is the other factor that it has been shown countless times that false convictions are a common event. Do you think it's acceptable to execute one innocent individual per 20, or even 50, guilty ones just to satisfy your thirst for revenge.

[SilentMute]

@EJMatthews--where does it originate? Usually from experiences from your childhood, I would think...though it can happen later in life. For instance, many anti-abortionists I have known have been women who had abortions. They regretted it later in life, and it is something that can't be undone. So they often become extremists and paint pro-choice people as devils...I think this stems from self-hatred.

I discovered that many of my prejudices do stem from self-hatred. I was once a victim, though I no longer am. Still, a person tends to carry around the abused inner child. I find that I tend to get angry with people who have what I perceive as "victim" personalities. It is rather unfair, because I don't think victims ever intend to be victims per se. But I hate the weakness in myself that once existed, and so I tend to hate it in other people. I have to watch myself. Oddly enough, I tend to be very good friends with the people I tend to be most likely to be prejudiced against. I know we have often heard the phrase, "I'm not prejudice because some of my best friends are...." But it seems to work out that way. Maybe, if there is a greater intelligence that rules us all, it is how we try to overcome our flaws.

@OrphanPip--I'm curious. I have often found that people who hate homosexuals are probably homosexuals in denial. Have you found this to be the case?