PDA

View Full Version : Jealousy



Scheherazade
07-04-2010, 11:55 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lLs2dC9NaE

Do you consider yourself a jealous person? How and when do you show your jealous side? How do you deal with it (if you do)?

And how do you deal with other people's jealousy towards you?

The poll is anonymous so please vote freely. :)

Olga4real
07-04-2010, 12:50 PM
I am jealous sometimes when I love, maybe because I am too emotional.
I usually admit it to my partner and make it clear to him that I don't care if he is jealous, it doesn't bother me at all.

The Atheist
07-04-2010, 03:41 PM
I voted 1 as it's something I don't find happening in my mind.

Funny damn emotion, interesting topic.

Paulclem
07-04-2010, 04:54 PM
Jealousy is a dangerous emotion. I put myself at 4 - I do get jealous, but I put a low number because i think I can deal with it fairly well. The key is recognition of it. It can very easily and quickly transform into justifications which disguise this emotion.

There was a guy in the North east of England yesterday who shot his ex-partner and her new one. Last I heard he was on the run having also shot a policeman. Terrible.

soundofmusic
07-04-2010, 05:14 PM
Great topic, Scher,

I put myself at 9; that means that I may stalk the person I am in love with, check their wallets when they are asleep, look on their facebook page, break into their computer files, drive around to make sure they are going where they say they are going, check their clothes for long hairs and perfume....:toetap05::driving::mad5:

But I don't puncture their tires or break their car windows, shoot at them or hunt down the women I think they are cheating on me with:out

On the positive side, I am only jealous in relationships; I have always been glad for my friends and families good fortune. I have never been jealous of people whom I think are more attractive than me...

Actually, I was never jealous of my men until I got cheated on once...it only took once...

Love makes me crazy:crazy:; so I try to avoid it...

Pensive
07-04-2010, 06:16 PM
I have hard time being jealous.
I wish I was more jealous so I could be a little bit more competitive.

JuniperWoolf
07-04-2010, 08:57 PM
I've never had a problem with "relationship" jealousy, I've never kept that tight a grip on my boyfriends because I know how annoying it is.

I don't have it in me to be jealous of girls who are prettier than me either, I just admire their foxy-ness.

Nor have I ever been jealous of people who have more stuff than I do, because their stuff always seems useless and cumbersome.

However: I have been jealous in an academic sphere. I used to get sick to my stomach if someone out-debated me, or if someone easily reasoned through a problem or interpretation that I'd been having trouble with. It was okay when I was in high school, because there weren't that many kids to compete with and I could always beat everyone if I tried hard enough; once I got to university though, I realized that trying to be the best with forty thousand other intelligent people around who are also trying damn hard to be the best is just not going to happen and will eventually lead to a nervous breakdown, so I stopped caring about the competitive aspect and focused on learning for it's own sake. I don't even look at my grades anymore, I force myself not to so that I won't be tempted to compare myself with the other students.

As for how I deal with other people's jealousy towards me, it sucks. There are these two girls from town who hate me because I snagged my boyfriend (ugh, how lame). Not being liked by someone is uncomfortable, but there's really nothing that you can do about it.

Buh4Bee
07-05-2010, 09:02 PM
I get extremely jealous in most relationships I have including friendships and family relationships. I realize my two younger sisters also have this flaw. Being older, I am less likely to get upset about events I previously might have.

Virgil
07-06-2010, 05:48 PM
2 ~ I'm comfortable with myself.

Caderyn
07-07-2010, 01:06 PM
I'm not all that jealous because other people don't have what I want. Even if they did, I would find a way to convince myself that I didn't want it anways.

Paulclem
07-07-2010, 04:03 PM
The worst kind of jealousy concerns people/ relationships.

dafydd manton
07-07-2010, 04:22 PM
It's not so much trusting myself, although I do, but having total, absolute and implicit trust in my wife, which I have. If that trust isn't there, I can't help wondering how successful a relationship can be. I'm sure somebody will tell me.

AuntShecky
07-07-2010, 04:24 PM
What's the difference between jealousy and envy?

Scheherazade
07-07-2010, 05:26 PM
What's the difference between jealousy and envy?I take jealousy is stronger than envy and makes you unhappy/angry towards others involved.

It is OK to say to someone you envy them probably but we would not like to admit that we are jealous of them probably.


On that point, yet once again, I am so impressed with our members! What a well-balanced, laidback bunch we are!

:smilewinkgrin:


Personally, I might feel jealous depending on the circumstances... I don't consider myself jealous enough to upset myself but I don't think I could rule it out all together either.

Helga
07-07-2010, 05:58 PM
of course it depends on the person but the first guy I was crazy about, I got jealous when he wanted to be with his friends more than me... I think I'd be more understanding today about that but I have to admit that I get a little bit jealous when my best friend has more close friends than just me...

Paulclem
07-07-2010, 05:59 PM
What's the difference between jealousy and envy?

Jealousy pertains to emotions

Envy can pertain to body parts...:blush2:

Scheherazade
07-07-2010, 06:05 PM
Jealousy pertains to emotions

Envy can pertain to body parts...:blush2:Please don't explain!

:p

Lulim
07-08-2010, 02:44 AM
Jealousy pertains to emotions

Envy can pertain to body parts...:blush2:

I always understood envy to pertain to things, car, house, money etc. (In the eyes of an envious person, the belongings of others always seem to be the better ones, and always much more merited by him-/herself.) Am I mistaken there?

Scheherazade
07-08-2010, 09:39 AM
I am not sure, Lulim.

Can we not be someone's skills, for example?

*edit*

From http://dictionary.cambridge.org:

envy verb /ˈen.vi/ v [T]
to wish that you had something that another person has
I envy her ability to talk to people she's never met before.
[+ two objects] I don't envy you the job of cooking for all those people.

jealousy noun /ˈdʒel.ə.si/ n [C or U]
a feeling of unhappiness and anger because someone has something or someone that you want
He broke his brother's new bike in a fit of jealousy.
She was consumed by/eaten up with jealousy (= She was very jealous) when she heard that he had been given a promotion.
The team has performed very badly this season due to petty jealousies (= feelings of jealousy about unimportant things) among the players.

Biefall
07-08-2010, 12:12 PM
I think the difference between them is the "strenght" of the emotion, like the dictionary said.

One is stronger than the other, filled with more "negative" feelings.

janesmith
07-08-2010, 04:04 PM
I think jealousy becomes less of a problem as we become older. Perhaps we learn to deal with petty emotions and insecurities better as we experience more of life. Having been on the receiving end of jealousy in the past I now consider it to be one of the most debilitating and destructive human emotions. Take my advice and try to avoid it like the plague.

Paulclem
07-08-2010, 06:38 PM
I always understood envy to pertain to things, car, house, money etc. (In the eyes of an envious person, the belongings of others always seem to be the better ones, and always much more merited by him-/herself.) Am I mistaken there?

Hi Lulim,

I was making a rude joke there - sorry to be confusing. Scher's probably got it sorted.


I think jealousy becomes less of a problem as we become older. Perhaps we learn to deal with petty emotions and insecurities better as we experience more of life. Having been on the receiving end of jealousy in the past I now consider it to be one of the most debilitating and destructive human emotions. Take my advice and try to avoid it like the plague.

I agree, and I sympathise. It's a horrible thing, and I reckon it's what motivates these vengeful partners. Men are terrible with it, particularly those of a macho outlook. Just dangerous.

PrinceMyshkin
07-08-2010, 07:56 PM
2 ~ I'm comfortable with myself.

I think your answer provides a vital clue to the source of jealousy. I rated myself as 8, and was embarrassed to do so, because I think it reflects my insecurity.

A number of responders, however, have confused jealousy with envy: perhaps the two go hand in hand because I know that I am envious of writers my own age and with a similar background who have achieved celebrity. Often, I'm incapable of seeing what others see in them, as if I were the boy who noticed that the emperor is naked.

Virgil
07-08-2010, 08:06 PM
A number of responders, however, have confused jealousy with envy: perhaps the two go hand in hand because I know that I am envious of writers my own age and with a similar background who have achieved celebrity. Often, I'm incapable of seeing what others see in them, as if I were the boy who noticed that the emperor is naked.

I don't know how to articulate a difference between jealousy and envy but I know there is a difference. I too am envious of many people's talents myself, but not in a dark, malicious way. I certainly wish those talented people well and continued success. There is something dark and malicious about jealousy, where there is no well wishes but a desire to see someone taken down or harmed.

IceM
07-09-2010, 01:56 PM
I gave myself a four.

I get jealous of people with really dark blue eyes. Both of my parents had blue eyes, and a genetic mix-up (or infidelity, I'm not sure) gave me chestnut brown ones. =/

I also get a tad bit jealous of my ex-girlfriend. We spent a lot of special moments together, so it's a little heart-wrenching to see her recreate them with someone else. It isn't at all a big issue, just as the blue eyes aren't that big a deal, because I'm easily capable of snagging someone else. My emotional side just doesn't like that feeling.

Scheherazade
07-13-2010, 12:58 PM
2 ~ I'm comfortable with myself.I was thinking on this issue and I am inclined to believe that it also depends how much our "securities" are tested as well.

Olga4real
07-13-2010, 03:07 PM
From Wikipedia:
Although popular culture often uses jealousy and envy as synonyms, modern philosophers and psychologists have argued for conceptual distinctions between jealousy and envy. For example, philosopher John Rawls distinguishes between jealousy and envy on the ground that jealousy involves the wish to keep what one has, and envy the wish to get what one does not have. Thus, a child is jealous of her parents' attention to a sibling, but envious of her friend's new bicycle. Psychologists Laura Guerrero and Peter Andersen have proposed the same distinction. They claim the jealous person "perceives that he or she possesses a valued relationship, but is in danger of losing it or at least of having it altered in an undesirable manner," whereas the envious person "does not possess a valued commodity, but wishes to possess it." Gerrod Parrot draws attention to the distinct thoughts and feelings that occur in jealousy and envy.

The experience of jealousy involves:

* Fear of loss
* Suspicion or anger about betrayal
* Low self-esteem and sadness over loss
* Uncertainty and loneliness
* Fear of losing an important person to an attractive other
* Distrust

The experience of envy involves:

* Feelings of inferiority
* Longing
* Resentment of circumstances
* Ill will towards envied person often accompanied by guilt about these feelings
* Motivation to improve
* Desire to possess the attractive rival's qualities
* Disapproval of feelings



This quote from wikipedia is the best explanation of difference between jealousy and envy.

If you are interested you can read the entire article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jelousy

And it's amazing that jealousy word comes from Greek language.

Revolte
07-13-2010, 07:48 PM
This is confusing for me. I used to be really jelouse but then I just let that part of me go, but with the way my life is going I tend to be a bit jelouse of the people I know with the way their life is going. I tried all that "make it happen" bull crap but it doesn't always work that way. On the other hand, I think I hit the level that I just don't care anymore, so I think I'm gonna go with three.

LMK
08-21-2010, 03:45 PM
I tend to equate jealousy with competitiveness, and in some areas of my life I must admit that I feel competitive, not many, but there are some if Iím completely honest.

SleepyWitch
08-22-2010, 05:22 AM
I tend to equate jealousy with competitiveness, and in some areas of my life I must admit that I feel competitive, not many, but there are some if Iím completely honest.
I tend to agree, but often people are jealous e.g. of others' success but not willing to emulate them. Rather than working harder to achieve the success they want for themselves, they'll make up stories about why that other person doesn't deserve what they've achieved. So I suppose it's a twisted or kind of competitiveness. Or it's the first step of competitiveness (realizing you too want something that someone else has got) without the second step (striving to reach your goals).

iamnobody
08-24-2010, 10:29 PM
I've been called "heartless" because I don't get jealous, and I've heard some of these same people complain about their "crazy jealous" significant other. People are silly.

Leland Gaunt
08-28-2010, 07:36 PM
I voted 6. I admit to a little jealousy, especially when watching Anthony Bourdain.:flare:

Scheherazade
07-30-2012, 07:17 AM
The OP:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lLs2dC9NaE

Do you consider yourself a jealous person? How and when do you show your jealous side? How do you deal with it (if you do)?

And how do you deal with other people's jealousy towards you?

The poll is anonymous so please vote freely. :)

cacian
07-30-2012, 09:29 AM
I voted 5 because I am fifty fifty with this awkward feeling.
I am thrifty with my private life I do not share what is mine or with me so I tend to harbour feeling of jealousy if I suspected something was up.
Apart from that I am cool.

Mutatis-Mutandis
07-30-2012, 04:47 PM
It looks to me that there're ten liars on this board.

JuniperWoolf
07-30-2012, 09:15 PM
I've never had a problem with "relationship" jealousy, I've never kept that tight a grip on my boyfriends because I know how annoying it is.

I don't have it in me to be jealous of girls who are prettier than me either, I just admire their foxy-ness.

Nor have I ever been jealous of people who have more stuff than I do, because their stuff always seems useless and cumbersome.

However: I have been jealous in an academic sphere. I used to get sick to my stomach if someone out-debated me, or if someone easily reasoned through a problem or interpretation that I'd been having trouble with. It was okay when I was in high school, because there weren't that many kids to compete with and I could always beat everyone if I tried hard enough; once I got to university though, I realized that trying to be the best with forty thousand other intelligent people around who are also trying damn hard to be the best is just not going to happen and will eventually lead to a nervous breakdown, so I stopped caring about the competitive aspect and focused on learning for it's own sake. I don't even look at my grades anymore, I force myself not to so that I won't be tempted to compare myself with the other students.

As for how I deal with other people's jealousy towards me, it sucks. There are these two girls from town who hate me because I snagged my boyfriend (ugh, how lame). Not being liked by someone is uncomfortable, but there's really nothing that you can do about it.

Well 2010 Juniper, in two years you'll have come to terms with the fact that there are people smarter than you, and you will develop crushes on those people for their ability to outmatch you. I guess that means we've grown. Sort of.

Darcy88
07-30-2012, 09:47 PM
I am jealous of people who have love and contentment. I am never content unless I'm pushing myself to physical and mental extremes. I can't find love because I am such an odd creature. I don't care about the things normal people care about. I am materialistic but not in the normal sense. I don't want the bourgeois material comfort so many other people seem happy with. I am not jealous of other young men my age who have big trucks and dirt bikes and all that. I live like a philosopher-poet and I would rather be as I am than live in that bourgeois comfort, but I would also like to own a large yacht, buy a future mate large diamonds and emeralds, own an estate with high walls and maybe even a castle. But I'm still not jealous of the rich people who have all these things. I live in my imagination and in nature and am content with what I have there.

But I am bitterly jealous of people who have contentment and love. I want those things. I want to be content with who I am without having to prove myself with art and adventure. And I want to find someone I can share this life with who does not think of me as a god or a freak. To women I am either looked upon as a god or a freak and both of these prevent happy romance.

Buh4Bee
07-30-2012, 09:56 PM
I get extremely jealous in most relationships I have including friendships and family relationships. I realize my two younger sisters also have this flaw. Being older, I am less likely to get upset about events I previously might have.

It is sort of nutty to read old stuff- since I had my son, I feel a great deal more content and experience less jealousy. I still get jealous, but I am able to let it go far more easily now. Again, I think it is because I feel a certain level of contentment with my child. I am a happier person with my son and being a mother than before when I was just the wife.

Darcy88
07-30-2012, 10:10 PM
It is sort of nutty to read old stuff- since I had my son, I feel a great deal more content and experience less jealousy. I still get jealous, but I am able to let it go far more easily now. Again, I think it is because I feel a certain level of contentment with my child. I am a happier person with my son and being a mother than before when I was just the wife.

That is beautiful and sweet. I am happy for you Buh4Bee. When I have a child I expect it will do the same thing. This is why I sometimes hate birth control like I'm aspiring to someday attain the papacy.

papayahed
07-31-2012, 09:24 AM
I remember being jealous at one of my first job out of school. I was barely making ends meet and it seemed like everyone else was doing really well.

Helga
07-31-2012, 10:03 AM
Well I just read my old response and I guess I feel the same in some ways, I don't have many friends so I get kinda jealous when my best friend has a bunch of people around her. The difference is though that I understand it better now and I have school now and she doesn't but wants to so I feel more 'in my place' now and I have something I enjoy.

This sounded like I am happy to have something more than she does and it's not that it's just that I have something now that I didn't two years ago, when I felt like she had everything and I was in a crappy relationship and a crappy job.

I think I wouldn't rate myself a six now, maybe 4. I do get a tiny bit jealous of people in happy relationships. It's something I want but don't want to seek out.

tonywalt
07-31-2012, 03:46 PM
I'm jealous of the 10 people who don't really get jealous.

TurquoiseSunset
08-02-2012, 03:56 AM
Are talking jealousy or envy here? Or both? ...with reagrds to the OP, that is...