The Noble Lie

[The Comedian]

So my three-year old runs into my bathroom and grabs a dispenser of dental floss. She starts pullin' out the stuff with an eye to grab a thread that's about as long as a football field.

I stop her: "Whow! Whow! Whow!" I say.

I scale way back on the floss. I pull out a piece about as long as your middle finger to your wrist.

She looks as me skeptically.

"Is that a loooong piece?' she asks, innocently.

"Yes" I say. (Knowing it's not).

"I love really long pieces of floss" she says.

"Awesome" I say, and continue "you must be stoked right now".

Laughs, giggles, laughs.

So, forum. . . .is this waste-preventing, hassle -stopping lie a noble one?

[applepie]

That's just adorable is what it is :D

I don't really think of it as a lie when I tell my kids things like that. I think of it as a way of shaping their perceptions while they're young.

Take my youngest monkey as a good example. She is fixated with being big and growing. All the time she'll stand on a chair at the table and tell me, "Look mommy, I'm big". I just smile and say yes she is big, though I know she is far from as grown as she would like to be.

The dental floss fib is up there some of the ones I tell, but mostly I find that explaining why a smaller one is better works. Wouldn't you believe explaining how there has been a shortage of bees got my kids to both quit trying to kill them with water guns and brooms ;)

[Gladys]

My philosophy has long been: if you lie to a child make it so outrageous that even they will surmise deceit.

[Buh4Bee]

Comedian, And so it is a noble lie.

[Whifflingpin]

Never lie to chidren, except maybe, when they're 10, you can tell them that Father Christmas doesn't exist, so that they don't get too much hassle at school.

[soundofmusic]

I think to a 3 year old, a piece of floss from your middle finger to your wrist would be pretty long; it all depends on whose holding the floss. You could start her on a 50 cent allowance now; because to a 3 year old, it's a lot of money.

[Paulclem]

I've always lied to the kids in order to get them to bed, to stop arguments, to get them to behave in cafes, (the security guard won't be pleased), when they were young. It is delightful to watch them discover the truth, and gives them a healthy scepticism about what they hear in those difficult teenage years. The only problem is, they don't believe anything I say, but then, being teenagers, they wouldn't have agreed with me anyway.

[Helga]

I have probably never lied as much as I have since I got a kid... he is 4 and always 'why,why,why'. I say a lot of things stop him and I don't think it's wrong and this is definetly one of the 'OK' lies

what I find more difficult is explaining stuff, I was with my boy and my mom in the cemetery watering the flowers at my dads grave and my son asked why he died and my mom just said 'oh he got sick and went to a hospital' my son was in the hospital last week and I don't think this is an explanation for a young kid, this could get him scared now whenever he gets a cold! explanations are tough!

[Whifflingpin]

Never lie to children.
"I don't know" is OK.
"What do you think?" is a good stopper of "why, why, why?" and also a good starter for difficult explanations.

[Paulclem]

Humour is best with children. Even if they don't get it for a few years.

Never is such a final word. Do you have children?

[Gladys]

"What do you think?" is a good stopper of "why, why, why?" and also a good starter for difficult explanations.

I preferred to educate, providing increasingly complex responses to each "Why?" Worked for me.

[soundofmusic]

When I was a child and asked questions, my elders always laughed at me or brushed me off; so I decided to always tell my daughter the truth...in some form or another.
When she was quite young, she came to me and said, "Where did I come from". Well, it seemed like it was a bit early for the birds and bees; but I got myself ready and began, "Well, when mommies and daddies love each other...

She looked very bored and after a few seconds put her hand up, "Wait, wait mom, my friends from New York...where did I come from?"

[Paulclem]

"What do you think?" is a good stopper of "why, why, why?" and also a good starter for difficult explanations.

This is different from the OP question. This is part of the education of the child by the parent as Gladys and Soundof point out. Hopefully parents explain stuff to children too - with humour!

[Whifflingpin]

Never lie to children.

Paulclem: "Never is such a final word. Do you have children?"
My children have children


Whiff: " "What do you think?" is a good stopper of "why, why, why?" and also a good starter for difficult explanations. "
Paulclem: "This is different from the OP question."
Yes, I was responding to Helga's post not the OP. "What do you think" makes for a two way conversation and also helps to set the adult response at the right level, avoiding the silly situations described by soundofmusic. (Of course, the tone of voice is all-important. "What do you think?" ought to be a question, not a put-down, and the answer should be developed not rejected. But you knew that.)

Responding to the OP - As has been said already, "long" is relative, and the answer "yes" would have been truthful, in respect, say, to the amount of floss needed to floss teeth.
However The Comedian commented "Knowing it's not," and, I am guessing, felt mean about misleading the child just to save a bit of floss. So the lie did not feel noble, and wasn't.

[Paulclem]

Never lie to children.

Paulclem: "Never is such a final word. Do you have children?"
My children have children


Whiff: " "What do you think?" is a good stopper of "why, why, why?" and also a good starter for difficult explanations. "
Paulclem: "This is different from the OP question."
Yes, I was responding to Helga's post not the OP. "What do you think" makes for a two way conversation and also helps to set the adult response at the right level, avoiding the silly situations described by soundofmusic. (Of course, the tone of voice is all-important. "What do you think?" ought to be a question, not a put-down, and the answer should be developed not rejected. But you knew that.)

Responding to the OP - As has been said already, "long" is relative, and the answer "yes" would have been truthful, in respect, say, to the amount of floss needed to floss teeth.
However The Comedian commented "Knowing it's not," and, I am guessing, felt mean about misleading the child just to save a bit of floss. So the lie did not feel noble, and wasn't.

Apologies Whiffling for making assumptions.

I think we were talking about different things. There's an appropriate time and place for development and educaion, and an appropriate time for fun, and yet another appropriate time for getting stuff done.

I entirely agree with Soundo and you that she was unfairly fobbed off. Hopeully my kids got the answers they needed and wanted at the appropriate time. :smile5:

[Scheherazade]

"What do you think?" is a good stopper of "why, why, why?" and also a good starter for difficult explanations.I agree with this.

"What do you think?" is almost my automated response to most questions, I think (teaching habits).