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papayahed
04-14-2010, 03:50 PM
Most forums such as this have a main theme or function, this one happens to be Literature. We all mostly found our way here to talk about literature and books but as with most forums and especially with the old timers we’ve come to know each other fairly well. Some would even say we’ve formed a bit of a community, saying that do we owe each other anything? Like if Scher posted she was going to quite her job and run off with the lead singer of Poison is that something I should stick my nose into?

Lulim
04-14-2010, 04:00 PM
It depends -- if someone asked for advice, it shouldn't be ignored.

Jozanny
04-14-2010, 04:09 PM
Most forums such as this have a main theme or function, this one happens to be Literature. We all mostly found our way here to talk about literature and books but as with most forums and especially with the old timers we’ve come to know each other fairly well. Some would even say we’ve formed a bit of a community, saying that do we owe each other anything? Like if Scher posted she was going to quite her job and run off with the lead singer of Poison is that something I should stick my nose into?

Depends how much or how little online users value each other as persons. In the creative writers community where I was a regular for 4 years, an older African American lawyer made an impression on me, and as she used to be local, I invited her to lunch. She treated this invitation like I was being uncooperative at a deposition.

OTOH, another poet and I from the same community have been friends for years.

I can see both sides, as it were, between humanizing posters/members, and not doing so, and these days I err on the side of keeping my distance. But I am sure others risk reaching out and going for a genuine bond.

applepie
04-14-2010, 04:18 PM
I think it depends on your relationship with the individual. There are a number of people here that I talk to privately and both care about and value their opinion. There are other individuals that I have little or no contact with and as such it isn't my place to offer criticism of their behavior.

With that said, if I ever post anything entirely off my rocker sounding please Please PLEASE read me the riot act about it. Everynow and then I get these genious ideas that really aren't and I need someone to give me a kick over it :D

Niamh
04-14-2010, 04:43 PM
I agree with Meg. It depends on the relationship you have. Some of my good friends i met online here, not to mention my boyfriend. If i thought they needed advice, i'd give it to them. However, if it was someone i didnt know in any form away from here and never really chatted to, but had know them for years all the same, i would feel like i was interfering. Then again, i've probably done that anyway! If i thought something someone (or more than one person) on here was doing was wrong, but i had no intimacy with them, i wouldnt turn to them and tell them to cop on. Not my place really.

Jozanny
04-14-2010, 05:12 PM
I think it depends on your relationship with the individual. There are a number of people here that I talk to privately and both care about and value their opinion. There are other individuals that I have little or no contact with and as such it isn't my place to offer criticism of their behavior.

With that said, if I ever post anything entirely off my rocker sounding please Please PLEASE read me the riot act about it. Everynow and then I get these genious ideas that really aren't and I need someone to give me a kick over it :D

I nearly always post off my rocker even if I'm sitting on it:biggrin5:, but I would not worry mk, just delete it if you think the better of it.

Rants don't make me feel better and using post interaction doesn't really decrease my need for another level of engagement, so, no, I do not have the faintest idea why I talk on the pc so much. There are preliminary studies out on it.

kilted exile
04-14-2010, 05:43 PM
I think it also depends on the seriousness of the situation eg if someone posted regarding wanting to go on murderous rampage we would have an obligation to notify the relevant people in the area and to attempt to get the person the psychological help required.

*Classic*Charm*
04-14-2010, 05:47 PM
I think it also depends on the seriousness of the situation eg if someone posted regarding wanting to go on murderous rampage we would have an obligation to notify the relevant people in the area and to attempt to get the person the psychological help required.

Interesting point you make, and I would agree from a moral standpoint, except for the fact that if said person has never divulged his or her location, there's nothing we can do.

And on that note, haven't there been people around here who've made comments of that sort? Has anyone ever notified the authorities on their behalf? (Not accusing anyone or anything, merely speculating :))

Niamh
04-14-2010, 05:53 PM
the problem with that would be whether or not you took the person seriously... its so difficult to tell if the people you know on forums are telling the truth about themselves or if everything they come out with and that you know of them is one lie after another... Someone could make a comment like that but be taking the piss, acting on someone elses behalf (which also makes you wonder if its really them as in the case of said previous comment i think you are refering to..) or deathly serious... its so hard to tell.

kilted exile
04-14-2010, 05:55 PM
Interesting point you make, and I would agree from a moral standpoint, except for the fact that if said person has never divulged his or her location, there's nothing we can do.

And on that note, haven't there been people around here who've made comments of that sort? Has anyone ever notified the authorities on their behalf? (Not accusing anyone or anything, merely speculating :))

Well if the situation was serious enough I am sure there are ways to look up a posters IP adress.

I have been reminded that there was a similar situation previously related to a poster in the past who posted something about a friend or something having these thoughts but the friend was not a forum member and there was no way to tell what the actual situation was. I am thinking more along the lines of the Dawson college shooting in montreal and the link to the "vampirefreaks" forum where apparently the perpetrator had previously posted as to his feelings in this regard

OrphanPip
04-14-2010, 05:58 PM
Well if the situation was serious enough I am sure there are ways to look up a posters IP adress.

I have been reminded that there was a similar situation previously related to a poster in the past who posted something about a friend or something having these thoughts but the friend was not a forum member and there was no way to tell what the actual situation was. I am thinking more along the lines of the Dawson college shooting in montreal and the link to the "vampirefreaks" forum where apparently the perpetrator had previously posted as to his feelings in this regard

I remember that shooting, knew some people who witnessed it, but none who were injured thankfully.

If someone makes a specific threat and says where they are going to do it, then I do believe there would be some obligation to make an attempt at alerting authorities.

Scheherazade
04-14-2010, 06:05 PM
Like if Scher posted she was going to quite her job and run off with the lead singer of Poison is that something I should stick my nose into?Papayahed!!!!

But, but, but you promised not to breathe a word to anyone!

*runs away sobbing*

:troll:

Now that this part out of the way...

I know we all think that the right thing to do is to keep our views to ourselves unless our opinions are seeked but are there not certain situations which being quiet, impassive onlookers not acceptable?

Do we have not have a responsibility towards others if/when their judgement might be clouded or failing even for temporarily?

For example, when I come across members who give away their personal information on the Forum too readily, I do contact them and ask them reconsider their decision. They might take me as a busybody but being an active internet user for more than 15 years, I consider it my responsibility towards those who have limited cyber experience - even though I realise that my reminder may not be welcomed at the time. In such cases, being slighted is preferable to being a disinterested bystander, in my opinion.

What's more, if it were you who was on the verge of making unfortunate decisions, would you not like to be at least offered different perspectives?

Personally speaking, I'd much rather people told their true opinions/doubts than exchanged PMs or anonymous posts about me. Although I might be upset or offended initially, I know at one point I would realise that those people would be expressing their concern rather than simply being critical.


the problem with that would be whether or not you took the person seriously... its so difficult to tell if the people you know on forums are telling the truth about themselves or if everything they come out with and that you know of them is one lie after another...I think I'd much rather treat the seriously and do something about it... Even if there is a 1% chance that they are being serious.

If they were not being serious, they would at least learn not to threaten anyone online.

Niamh
04-14-2010, 06:06 PM
you've made a lot of good points there Scher. I'd always be afraid of being told to keep my nose out of it or offending someone in a bad way that wasnt ment to come across as bad. Its happened to me here before and when i tried to explain that it a matter of wires crossed i made it even worse. :blush:

Thats also the reason why i'm not good at writing in serious threads or discussion thread (like this one) because i'm afraid a cant get what i'm trying to say across correctly or it comes off all wrong....

Scheherazade
04-14-2010, 06:14 PM
you've made a lot of good points there Scher. Oh, that? It's an old habit of mine... Can't help it! :goof:
I'd always be afraid of being told to keep my nose out of it or offending someone in a bad way that wasnt ment to come across as bad. What's the worst thing that can happen? They get offended, start ignoring us and carry on with their business?

Well, they were going to do it anyway but there is a chance that they can still reconsider... And we can say, "I have tried."


Just would like to add that I am not advocating that we should interfere with every member's every decision with force/crudity but just a reminder that there are different aspects to the issue at hand.

Revolte
04-14-2010, 06:19 PM
Connection is connection. I have met some amazing people from websites/forums. To me it's just another way to meet people and I treat it as such. If you get rid of they bad hype about online meeting, you'll see it's not much different then going to the store and making conversation with some one you never met.

Scheherazade
04-14-2010, 06:21 PM
On a separate note, are all our egos so fragile that we are unable to handle different suggestions or perspectives on personal issues?

Virgil
04-14-2010, 08:10 PM
Most forums such as this have a main theme or function, this one happens to be Literature. We all mostly found our way here to talk about literature and books but as with most forums and especially with the old timers we’ve come to know each other fairly well. Some would even say we’ve formed a bit of a community, saying that do we owe each other anything? Like if Scher posted she was going to quite her job and run off with the lead singer of Poison is that something I should stick my nose into?
What a good question. Would Scher really do that? :ihih:


I think it depends on your relationship with the individual. There are a number of people here that I talk to privately and both care about and value their opinion. There are other individuals that I have little or no contact with and as such it isn't my place to offer criticism of their behavior.

Good answer. It does depend on the person. I guess i've been slammed with beig too free with my opinions on people's lives, and probably rightly so. But I hate to see people make mistakes, serious mistakes with their lives.


Papayahed!!!!

But, but, but you promised not to breathe a word to anyone!

*runs away sobbing*

:troll:

Now that this part out of the way...

I know we all think that the right thing to do is to keep our views to ourselves unless our opinions are seeked but are there not certain situations which being quiet, impassive onlookers not acceptable?

Do we have not have a responsibility towards others if/when their judgement might be clouded or failing even for temporarily?

For example, when I come across members who give away their personal information on the Forum too readily, I do contact them and ask them reconsider their decision. They might take me as a busybody but being an active internet user for more than 15 years, I consider it my responsibility towards those who have limited cyber experience - even though I realise that my reminder may not be welcomed at the time. In such cases, being slighted is preferable to being a disinterested bystander, in my opinion.

What's more, if it were you who was on the verge of making unfortunate decisions, would you not like to be at least offered different perspectives?

Personally speaking, I'd much rather people told their true opinions/doubts than exchanged PMs or anonymous posts about me. Although I might be upset or offended initially, I know at one point I would realise that those people would be expressing their concern rather than simply being critical.

I think I'd much rather treat the seriously and do something about it... Even if there is a 1% chance that they are being serious.

If they were not being serious, they would at least learn not to threaten anyone online.
A good balanced answer. I tend to be free with my opinions and my personal life as well.

Katy North
04-14-2010, 08:58 PM
Personally, online forums are a great relief for me. I am very reserved in real life; I make friends better over the computer because it's easier for me to interact through writing.

That being said, I'd attempt to intervene if I ever thought something was amiss with a forum member, but there's only so much you can do unless you're the forum admin and can look up IP addresses...

JuniperWoolf
04-14-2010, 09:08 PM
There are a few people here that I would feel genuine concern for. If they were in a potentially harmful situation, I would bahave accordingly just like if they were a friend sitting across from me at the kitchen table.


On a separate note, are all our egos so fragile that we are unable to handle different suggestions or perspectives on personal issues?

That's a pretty good point. I'd leave it up to personal discretion.

Jozanny
04-14-2010, 09:10 PM
Personally, online forums are a great relief for me. I am very reserved in real life; I make friends better over the computer because it's easier for me to interact through writing.

Katy, I hear this, but let me add a caveat: I kept one of my professors as a mentor for years, and email essentially destroyed our friendship because both he and I became too personal in the medium, and the same thing happened with me and a former supervisor; in a social context, what she and I did to each other wouldn't have occurred. I am not trying to assign blame, just suggesting that feeling anonymous can backfire.

Katy North
04-14-2010, 09:29 PM
Katy, I hear this, but let me add a caveat: I kept one of my professors as a mentor for years, and email essentially destroyed our friendship because both he and I became too personal in the medium, and the same thing happened with me and a former supervisor; in a social context, what she and I did to each other wouldn't have occurred. I am not trying to assign blame, just suggesting that feeling anonymous can backfire.

Ah, it is not the feeling of anonymity which makes it easy for me.

It is the writing itself. I just can't express myself as well through speaking. I feel like I have a minor case of mental blockage whenever I open my mouth. I used to be a shy person, but I'm not anymore. However, my shy persona is still on autopilot most of the time, which can be frustrating in social situations.

It's getting better over time, but I am able to share more through writing to people on the internet than I am sitting in a room with a bunch of people, because, well, I'm more used to writing than talking.