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View Full Version : An Encounter With Rails (true story)



DanBierce
10-05-2009, 12:17 PM
Several years ago I worked in a factory making plastic parts used in furniture. I had the day-shift, which was 9am-9pm. The work was very boring, and the twelve large machines positioned throughout the building made a lot of racket as they spewed out their widgets.

A paved hiking trail went through the thick marshy area behind the factory. Small trees, bushes, and blackberry vines made excellent shelter for rabbits, birds, garter snakes, and other small creatures. It also provided a nice quiet place for me to take most of my lunch breaks. I had a few favorite spots in the bramble to sit and watch and listen for birds, hoping to add another species to my lifelist.

My interest in birds began when I was a small boy armed with a ten-cent slingshot. These slingshots were poorly made, and had very little range or killing power, so in order for me to have a chance at at least stunning my prey I was required to get within a few feet from the birds. I'm glad now my kills were few, but the stalking experience came in handy when I matured from slingshot to binoculars and fieldguides.

The lifelist I mentioned earlier is simply a list of birds identified by individual birders. My list is one-hundred-seventy-five names long, but one sighting in particular had a dramatic affect on me, and much more substantial than the check mark I put by its name in my fieldguide.

Virginia rails are fairly common, but due to their shyness they are usually heard rather than seen. They are weak fliers, so they prefer to walk or run through their habitat of low-lying plants. Virginia rails actually have a flexible vertebrae which helps them wend their way through brush and marsh.

I had just spent about a half hour break a little ways into the trail's greenery, and had begun walking back to the factory. As I stepped out onto the trail a family of Virginia rails; ****, hen, and at least ten of their chicks who resembled black cottonballs with tiny legs were crossing the trail towards me. They were as surprised to see me suddenly appear as I was to encounter them in this way.

The hen immediately "klick klick klicked" her danger call and hurried her brood into the brush. As mother and children made their clumsy, yet orderly get-away dad stood his ground in the middle of the trail. He opened his longish, thin, red beak and began screaming at me. His eyes were alive with an unyielding fierceness. He showed no signs of running or flying away. It was as though he had made up his mind that if a member of his family was to die at the hands of this giant it would be him.I immediately stepped back in order to give assurance that I meant no harm, and that it was safe for him to rejoin his family, which he did.

As I entered the factory door I was still feeling a strong sense of awe at what I had witnessed: a ten-inch bird screaming at a creature a hundred-fifty times its weight: "Come on! Come after me! Leave my family alone!"

I looked around at my co-workers, and wondered how many of them would react as the rail had if their families were similarly endangered. I wondered how I would react, too.

I can say for certain, though, that in my mind at that moment whatever amaziness I might have once percieved myself and the rest of humanity to be endowed with had faded to a glimmer, while that of the rail's had grown, considerably.

Monamy
10-06-2009, 04:06 AM
Lovely piece of art; short, simple yet powerful in meaning. Honestly liked the narrator when he wondered at the end whether if anyone - or even himself - would have enough courage and strength to stand their ground like that bird he came across...

Vocabulary and grammar were great too, I usually find it difficult for me to use many ringing and catchy terms when I write (maybe because English isn't my mother tongue) but you succeeded in that so easily. I'd like to try and write short stories that are filled with meanings someday; everytime I try to do that, I end up feeling the need of making it a 5-pages-long story... you can't call that short story anymore, can you? =X

Some gifted pen and mind you have there.
Keep it up!

DanBierce
10-06-2009, 09:29 AM
Thanks for the glowing review, Monamy. I'm delighted the story works so well for you.

Your english seems fine to me. 5 pages is still considered a short story. I read a lot of short stories, and a lot of them are many more than 5 pages.

I wrote this story with the idea of submitting it to a birding magazine, so it had to be much shorter than an actual short story. I moved soon after submitting this, so I have no idea if it was accepted or not. Maybe I'll submit it again. I have since edited it, so it's better than the draft I submitted, anyway.

If you are interested in writing short stories you might find it helpful to read lots of them.

Have fun!

Dan

Buh4Bee
10-09-2009, 09:08 AM
Dan, You are a true story teller. You appreciate the beauty found in life right outside a factory. Who can discover that. Thank you for sharing.

DanBierce
10-09-2009, 11:36 AM
Thanks for reading and commenting on my short stories, Jersea. Glad they worked well for you.