A Dramatic Rendering of Our Forum Members

[Miss Darcy]

...a.k.a. Our Play for short.

A very warm welcome to those who have clicked on this thread and are now, consequently, reading it. I hope this promises to be an interesting, creative game. I'll explain the rules.

Note that these rules may be subject to change if we find them unsatisfactory.

Firstly, this is a play game, that is, a game written in the style of a play. It's a little bit like Fiction: The Game, but slightly altered.

One of the main differences is that it's about us. Fictional us, maybe, but using our usernames. See further down for an example.

The rules are only very few, otherwise it's rather self-explanatory. But please remember to

a) Include your own description for a Dramatis Personae. So before your first post, just write a short one. It doesn't have to be how you're like in real life, you can be in a pirate costume for all I care. Just something to give the audience...er...the rest of us...some idea of the characters of the play.

b) Always include yourself in your posts.

c) Oh, and respect others...I think we can joke, though.

That's it. Then you just leave off anywhere you like, and the next person continues, and then they leave off, and so on.

I'll start :D...

-----


ACT I, SCENE I


An old-fashioned room lined entirely with books save the place where there sits a desk with a computer on it. Enter MISS DARCY, who is rather tall, with long, brown hair, wearing an expensive black hat, a light brown blouse, and a long, black skirt.

Darcy: [walks over to the window] What a fine day. [A loud thunderclap]


An awkward silence. Enter Jay from other side of stage.

Jay: [puts down umbrella, sees Darcy] Daydreaming again, I see.

Darcy: [turns, grinning] Yeah. I was just thinking about The Literature Network's picnic.

Jay: Hope the weather gets better soon. [Very loud thunderclap]

Darcy: [meditatively] Yes, me too, or it won't be much of a picnic. [pause] Maybe I should write it a get well soon card.

Jay: A what?

Darcy: A get well soon card.


Enter Scheherezade

Scher: [puts down umbrella] Ho, ho! Talking about [very fast] the biological impact of animals enclosed in cages on the average spectator walking through the average zoological gardens...as usual?

Darcy: [Coolly] No, in fact, we were just talking about the weather.

[mono]

What a brilliant idea! :)
Here goes . . .
------------------------------------------------------
Jay: Scher, I hardly understood a word you just spoke;
Have you spent too much time with imthefoolonthehill?

Scher: Heavens, no! I merely remarked of the animals
Coping with the most hindering weather today.

Miss Darcy: Perhaps such a day to read Virginia Woolf?
I feel reminded of the play, Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf.

Scher: No, please do not make me shudder!

[Enter mono, average height, pale skin, wearing a dark sweater, a time-worn beanie, and a gray back-pack]

mono: Greetings! I hope I did not arrive too late.

Miss Darcy: Not at all, welcome.

Jay: We spoke of the nasty weather today, and Scher's dislike
for Virginia Woolf.

mono: Ah, Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, I feel reminded.

Scher: Very funny (sarcastically). Aldous Huxley reads easier, I think.

Jay: No one, I believe, wins over Jeanette Winterson.
My, you're soaked, do you have an umbrelle, mono?

mono: No, coming from a very rainy city, one learns to cope well;
umbrellas end up being strictly for tourists (sarcastically).

(another lightning bolt strikes with a following of thunder)

Miss Darcy: I hope more of our guests will arrive soon and safely.

[Taliesin]

Enter Taliesins. Five of them. Almost identical. All of them are a bit shorter than an average Joe, with lightdark a bit wet hair and wearing light grey jackets and light grey jeans.

Mono: speaking of the wolves...

Taliesin:Pardon?
Taliesin': Are we late, by any chance?
Taliesin1:We have managed to forgot our watches.
Taliesin2*looking around* Seems not.
Taliesin': Very good. But, by the way, what is happening here?

Miss Darcy: We are having a Literature Network picnic
Jay: Just thinking aloud, but how is it possible? We all live in different corners of the world.
Taliesin3: If we were correctly informed, this is but a play and all the forum members are but actors.
Scher: Now that was some heavy romantic irony
Taliesin2: Pardon?
Scher*monotonically, as remembering something that she had learned by heart some times earlier:Romantic irony :when a writer reminds his
reader that it is he who manipulates the fictional universe, then it is romantic irony.
Jay*in a low boice* Livingdictionarydotcom.
Scher:Pardon?
Jay*innocently* : I was just wondering when more guests will arrive

[Taliesin]

We like this game that much that we cannot wait for someone else to post.

-------------------------------------------

Miss Darcy*poisonously*: Have you considered where would we get five identical actors? Thanks to you our play will never be played.
Taliesin: Well, we could use...
Taliesin': ...identical quins...
Taliesin1:...similar actors and cosmethics...
Taliesin2:...computer graphics...
Taliesin3:...mirrors...
Taliesin:...holographs...
Taliesin':...massive amounts of LSD
Taliesin: So no problem there?
Jay: Anyway, why should we fuss about actor-problems, when we don't even have a plot. What are we doing anyway?
Scher: Waiting for amuse and others...
Mono: Don't you thonk Beckett could sue us for plagiarism?
*silence*
*thunderclap*
*thunderclap*
*thunderclap*
The thunderclaps start vaguely reminding the finale of Beethovens fifth symphony.
In all this noise, enter Shea.

[Miss Darcy]

Heh, glad you like it (the game) Taliesin, Mono... ;)

-------


Shea stops just inside the door, silent, in the manner of a robot waiting for commands.

Miss Darcy: [Walks over to the computer and begins typing frantically] Shea - you - have - 10 - seconds - to - write - your - own - lines. [Grabs a microphone and booms into it] 10. 9. 8. 7. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1....0!

Scher: [sarcastically] Take off!

Jay: [quietly] I don't think she heard you.

Miss Darcy: That's because, firstly, she's not online, and secondly, even if she were...well she can write her lines later. [Gets up from her seat by the computer and smiles angelically] Therefore...

Taliesin: Lights...
Taliesin2: Camera...
Taliesin3: Action!

Shea: [puts down umbrella] Good afternoon, everyone! Hope I'm not too late!

Mono: [cheerful] No, not at all, Shea, sit down.

Miss Darcy: [realises there is only one seat] I forgot to put armchairs in.

Shea: [quickly interposes] It doesn't matter, I don't mind...

Miss Darcy: [thoughtfully] Well we're expecting more people coming, and we don't want to be sitting on the floor in a childrenesque style.

Jay: Couldn't you have just said, "childish?"

Miss Darcy: That would be far less romantic.

Shea: I hate to interrupt but....I was just wondering, how can all of us, from different corners of the world, meet in one place for a...[thunderclap]...picnic.

Scher: It's quite simple, really.

Taliesin': [grins] If we were correctly informed...
Taliesin2: ...This is but a play and all the forum members are but actors.

Shea: Fascinating.

Miss Darcy: Yes. All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players...

Shea: [wonderingly] Miss Darcy...what happened to your miniskirt?

Miss Darcy: [deliberately] I. Disposed. Of. It.

Shea: Pity, it suited you.

Miss Darcy: As does a clown costume suit a penguin.

Mono: [from over by the window] Oh, look, there's Adelheid, Molko, and some others, nearing the door of the ground floor!

Miss Darcy: [alarmed] Then I'm not here. I don't want another theological discussion. I've already had far too many for one ordinary day. Holidays are different, as are Sundays. But right now -


The others cast furtive smiles at each other and then act as if nothing had happened.

Miss Darcy: I'm gone. Call me when the ceremonies are over. [darts over to the wardrobe next to the computer - there is a wardrobe - and disappears inside.]

Jay: It's as if she was scared of theology.

Scher: Or has used up all her arguments.


All fall silent. Drum roll mixed with thunder. Enter Adelheid, Molko, and three others in a very solemn manner.

Molko: [puts down umbrella with a sigh] What are you lot doing...just standing there like that.

Scher: Nothing...we...we were just absorbing the beautiful atmosphere.

Molko: [tiredly] Uha.

Adelheid: [puts down umbrella and begins in a grave manner] Dear friends...we are afraid to inform you that the Lord has been avenged under the most appalling circumstances.


[I]All stare in a horrified silence except the five at the door. Adelheid now holds up a wet, black miniskirt.

Adelheid: [even more gravely] We are sorry to say that Miss Darcy has left the world in the most tragic manner. She was taken by a lightning bolt.

Taliesin2: [mock incredulous] Really?
Taliesin: Then it burned her up, but not her skirt?

Adelheid: [even more gravely yet] No, our theory is that she was hit twice. The first strike made her insane, hence she took her skirt off, and the second finished her.

Taliesin3&4: We see.

Molko: That is a powerful warning to those who criticise or mock God. He has been righted at last.

All: Amen.

Scher: [rather playfully] I'd like to add this to your hypothesis: Miss Darcy caught a cold before she died.

Adelheid: How's that?

Scher: [goes over to the door, picks up umbrella] Her umbrella has a hole in it.

Mono: A very interesting hypothesis, Scher. However I don't think it is that which proves it.

Scher: You don't?

Mono: No. Miss Darcy...must have left her umbrella here last time she visited. Therefore she was walking in the rain, with no umbrella. Thus, she still has a cold, but for a different reason.

Scher: But she still had a cold.

Jay: And still has.


A muffled sneeze from the wardrobe.

Taliesin's: Bless you.

Mono: Adelheid, let me take your coat.

Adelheid: Thank you, Mono, but I don't need to be waited upon - I can do it just as well myself. [Walks over to the wardrobe, opens the door.]

[Dante'sJuliet]

As Adelheid opens the wardrobe, slowly opening it more, and more, and more. . . there is a brilliant flash of lightning, a loud thunderclap, and in the space of one moment to the next, a person has stepped out of the wardrobe.

Adelheid: . . . . *looks at the woman who has stepped out of the wardrobe*

The woman is rather tall, with a pale face and large, dark eyes. Her dark hair falls loose beneath her long veil. All that she wears is black.

Juliet: (wrist to forehead) When the dark wood fell before me, and all the paths were overgrown. . . *sees that everyone is staring at her* What?

Taliesin': Have you been in that wardrobe the whole time?

Juliet: What whole time?

Taliesin2: The whole time that we have been here.

Juliet: I'm not sure. I suppose so.

Scher: And what, may I ask, were you doing in there?

Juliet: I heard of a lovely place once that you got to through the back of a wardrobe-- Oh, look! BOOKS! *runs to a bookcase, pulls out a random book, and begins to read. This is rather hard, though, since Miss Darcy accidently forgot to add lights, so she can only read when there's a lightning flash*


(I'm sorry if I did a bad job characterizing all of you. . . and I know I did absolutely nothing to enhance the plot. . . but I've only got about five minutes to be online. . . bye. . .)

[amuse]

a reverberation fills the room, beginning in the windows, and spreading to the chests of persons and winter clothes alike. enter amuse, long dark hair straightened, talking hyperanimatedly to her cell phone

amuse: Isagel, i had this dream that Miss Darcy died, whatever could that mean? did she know? do you know? can you ask that nice psychiatrist you work for? the one who gave my dad that frontal lobotomy in the 1960's?

Scher: oh dear, has she been reading again? would someone please hide that copy of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest the next time we visit her for tea?

mono: well, to be fair, Scher, Miss Darcy did just die.

amuse: no, she DID?! i just finished a poem for her.


a giggle is heard offstage. enter imthefoolonthehill

imthefoolonthehill: (looking up from his calculator) due to the quantitative probability of y over p taken to the nth nanometer, it is possible that if one were to view this problem logically, from a logarhythm of base 3, Miss Darcy actually - oh, why in the world of computers cavorting in front of bell chapels on their elbows do i bother? what are we having to eat, again?

amuse: well, Scher?


Scher rummages in her oversack for an ininordinately looooong time then brings out a very tiny, tiny book of 1000 transparent vellum pages

Jay: ooh, did you get that in-

Scher: oh, yes i did

Jay: and does it have-

Scher: oh, yes it does

Jay: does Koa know-

Scher: i believe she does

Taliesin: we would like to know what it has and if it's good for us to eat!


everyone looks at Taliesin in surprise: their voice has never changed so many times in one sentence; it is obvious that they must be extremely hungry and very curious. the odd giggle is heard again. Dante's Juliet breaks the ensuing silence.

[Dante'sJuliet]

---with a very loud scream.

Juliet: No! She didn't! The idiot!


Everyone turns to look at Juliet and see what all the comotion is about. It takes a moment for it to sink in that she is, in fact, yelling at the book in much the same way sane people like to yell at a move screen.

Juliet: No! No, stupid, the other way! *Waves hand frantically to the left*

Taliesin1: Well, that was. . .

Taliesin2:. . . odd. . .

Taliesin'&Taliesin: Oh, we quite agree.

imthefoolonthehill: I don't think I've ever seen anyone do that before.

Scher: It really is very interesting. I wonder why she did it?


Both Scher and imthefoolonthehill take out notepads and start taking notes on Juliet's behavior.

Jay: And for a moment there, I almost forgot I was hungry. . .


A strange, almost ladylike, yet eerie giggle is heard.


Everyone, even the hungry Taliesins and the note-taking imthefoolonthehill, turned towards the wardrobe.


Suddenly it sneezed.

[Miss Darcy]

Thunderclaps galore, lightning flickering on and off as it was undecided between the two...otherwise a dreadful silence.

Mono: [stage whisper] What - was - that?


Nobody moves. Continued silence-broken-by-the-occasional-thunderclap.

Mono: [a little louder, as if prompting some sort of response] What was that?!


Silence.

Mono: [groans] If I'm going to have to repeat this...

Scher: Why isn't she coming...

Taliesin: [in a very coarse whisper] Perhaps because...
Taliesin2: [in a rather loud whisper] Maybe...just because...
Taliesin': ...Just because.

Adelheid: [perks up] What are you lot talking about?

Juliet: [forgets about the book and turns curiously towards Mono, Scher, and the Taliesins] I'd be interested too...

Taliesin: Nothing - just -
Taliesin': [very fast] The chimerical, orthodox phenomenon of the ejection of germs and a substance produced in the mouth to help digestion, how it occurs after walking in the rain without a particular invention that ridiculous people fly with - and - why this particular phenomenon has just happened in a wooden object used for storage of clothes which should not in any case be exposed to rain.

Adelheid: Pardon?!

Mono: He...I mean, they...just meant...

[B]
A loud creak. Everyone stares at the wardrobe. Red smoke billows out from inside it. The sound of coughing/distant thunderclaps.

imthefoolonthehill: [low voice] It could have been worse.

Mono: [mock incredulous] A sneezing [I]and coughing wardrobe?


Smoke gradually clears. Enter DEVIL, with a brown face contrasting spectactularly with very white eyeballs, crooked teeth, horns, and pointy ears, in a long, black coat, from wardrobe. Thunderclaps suddenly sing out the main theme of Beethoven's 5th. The shadowy personage approaches in the semi-lightning-lit darkness.

Devil: [stops] Well what are you staring at? [rather indignant, deep voice]

Amuse: Er...we...we were just...

Taliesin: Well, I never!
Taliesin3: Maybe we should convert. Adelheid...how does one go about converting?
Taliesin4: [interrupting] Never mind converting. If any of you knew how much time and effort has been taken in that...
Talieisin5: You would faint for the make up artist.
Taliesin': It's an impossible feat.
Talieisin: Perhaps not. Aided by the darkness.

Mono: [slowly and deliberately, to Devil] What are you doing here?

Devil: I have been sent on the behalf of one young lady...that is, this is a picnic of some sort, is it not?

Scher: Yes.

Devil: Of some Literature Network?

Adelheid: How on earth did you know?

Devil: It is my business to know anything and everything. But back to the subject - the young lady spoken of said that I might find some of her friends here. She asked me to come here in case any of you might be willing to...

Juliet: [excited] Plead for her?

Devil: Yes.

Taliesin: [aside] I thought that was meant to be the Grim Reaper's job.

Devil: [aside] Well they didn't have the Grim Reaper so this must suffice.

Molko: Was the young lady called Miss Darcy, by any chance?

Devil: I think there is a very good chance of that.

Adelheid: With long, dark hair?

Molko: Lacking a certain garment?

Devil: I don't know what she lacks, but she certainly lacks something.

Adelheid: [sadly] We saw it happen.

Devil: You're witnesses of the demise?

Adelheid & Molko: Yes.

Devil: [produces notepad] I'd like to hear the particulars. Adelheid first.

Adelheid: How do you know my name?!

Devil: It is my business to -

Taliesin: [cheerfully] Know anything and everything.

Devil: Exactly. So, Adelheid...

Adelheid: Well, we were just on our way to the Literature Network Picnic...

Molko: And we saw a figure in the distance ignite.

Adelheid: We hurried towards the spot...

Molko: And found nothing but...

Adelheid: [showing black miniskirt] This.

Devil: I see your account fit each other perfectly. But that is not the true manner in which Miss Darcy died.

Adelheid: But -

Devil: Miss Darcy died of a mix of consumption, pneumonia, and hyper-allergic sneezing. In this room.

All: In this room?!

Devil: Yes. It was admirably well done.

Adelheid: Where in the room?

Devil: That is not the point. The point is, her body has been taken away, and her soul went straight to the gates of Hell, where she began reciting Beatrice from Much Ado about Nothing in a rather alarming manner. Especially as regards to her mention of religious buildings and cuckolds. In fact, she grew rather insulting.

Scher: Act 2, Scene I.

Devil: That might be it. She declared her disbelief in either heaven or our own very mighty Hell...and said that this was just all a dream.

Amuse: That's it! That's what I was dreaming of last night! Miss Darcy was at the gates of Hell...and...

Devil: [cynically] And?

Amuse: Then I woke up.

Devil: Pity. Well to business - she wanted me to ask you lot to testify that she hasn't sinned quite enough for Hell - or [coughs] exactly acted in a way to get into Heaven.

Taliesin: I'd say her greatest sin is her addiction to the science of prankology.

Devil: Be quiet.

Taliesin5: [angelically] We will be.


Complete silence ensues.

Devil: [slightly irritated] I didn't mean literally. So what is your verdict? What does the girl deserve?

Mono: [grins] Perhaps a cup of hot chocolate after her long ride to Hell? [pours Devil a hot chocolate]

Devil: [chortles] Why thank you, sir.

[imthefoolonthehill]

meanwhile, foolonthehill, completely oblivious to the devil's odd entrance, is looking frantically from his calculator to his notebook.

FOOL:
Estella, my dear TI-89, how could you... I thought... I thought we were in
*yells the next line* LOVE!!! No REAL SOLUTIONS!



*the room is silent, people stare at fool's strange outbirst*

Fool: I... I...

*glances wildly around, spots Devil*

Fool: it's all your fault! Your fault!

*pulls revolver from pocket*
*puts four holes into the devil, who simply grins at Fool, unharmed*

*mono clutches shoulder, cries out in obvious, but very non-lethal pain*

*fool tosses calculator in the air, shoots it, then turns the gun on himself, covering Miss Darcy's feet in brain matter*

Devil: yes, my true work here is done.
*snaps fingers*

*imps appear, take fool's body away, shine Darcy's shoes, exit*

[Miss Darcy]

ACT I, SCENE II

Early morning. A graveyard setting. Pink sky backdrop, with leafless birches and black skeletons of trees creating a sombre atmosphere, darkly contrasting with the newborn sky. A small group of people clustered around two separate coffins. A few tombstones set askew on the white, newly-fallen snow. This is not Australia.

Mono: [speaks heavily, bandaged arm weighing him down] This got rather out of hand.

Scher: Rather.

Taliesin: [mournfully] Very much out of hand. Out of your hand. And Fool's hand.


All sigh simultaneously. Enter BISHOP, plump, red-cheeked man with a balding head and flaky white hair. Holds a thick book. Doesn't look like a chess piece.

Bishop: [almost cheerfully] Well? Are we ready?

All: [dolefully] Yes.

Bishop: We are gathered here, in the sight of this congregation...

Molko: Isn't that the wedding thing?

Adelheid: The wedding thing of the eighteenth century, you mean.

Molko: Exactly what I meant.

Bishop: Well I start everything the same. [clears throat] We are gathered here, in the sight of this congregation...to bury this man [motions to the left coffin] and this woman [motions to the right coffin].

Amuse: Hey wait, wasn't Miss Darcy meant to have been struck by a lightning bolt?

Taliesin2: Yeah, but then it turned out that was just a scarecrow. The real Miss Darcy died of consumption, pneumonia, and hyper-allergic sneezing.
Taliesin3: [gravely] This has turned into that thread where one predicts the death of the person above themselves.
Taliesin4: Where did that get to, anyway...

Bishop:...they were good Christians, and we will all meet them in the other place in good time...

Scher: [whispers] He certainly can't remember the funeral service.

Mono: No more than the organist can remember the funeral march. Whoever it is is playing "Here Comes the Bride" instead.


[I]The aforementioned music booms from the nearby church's walls.

Bishop:...to conclude, they shall be much missed, and we shall send them off with a throbbing heart and a tearful eye.

Taliesin: [whispers] He waxes poetic.
Taliesin3: He looks much moved. We wish we were also so moved by our own services.
Taliesin4: But we don't write services.
Talisin5: Or deliver them.
Taliesin3: That's a point.
Taliesin: There's a first time for everything...

Mono: [looks anxiously at bishop] Be quiet.

Taliesin3: [sad smile] We will be.


A long silence ensues. The gravediggers begin digging. The monotonous throb of the shovels is all that is to be heard.

Amuse: [thoughtfully] But this is a paradox. How can Miss Darcy -

Others: Shh!

Amuse: [lowers voice] How can Miss Darcy not appear in this post without being alive? Considering she is the one, in the end, writing it.

Mono: We'll just have to see.

Taliesin3: [molto dolente] They will be missed.
Taliesin4: Break a leg, guys.
Taliesin5: You can do it!
Taliesin': Hold on!
Taliesin2: Taliesin's to the rescue!

Scher: I hope you are all aware that one cannot hold one's breath for long without fainting.

Mono: But you cannot kill yourself by holding your breath.

Scher: Though I suppose you could if there were no air.

Mono: Then you wouldn't be holding your breath in the first place.

Scher: I guess not. [looks at sky] Very nice weather, isn't it.

Mono: [grimly] Very.


[I]Shovelling ceases. Gravediggers take Darcy's coffin and heave it into the right hole.

Taliesin': This is going to be a very sad play.
Taliesin2: It's called tragedy.

Bishop: [raises voice after muttering something] Scatter your flowers, everybody, scatter your flowers!

Mono: [tearing a handful of petals off a black - yes, a black - rose and distributing them] You'd think it was a wedding or something.

Jay: Mono, what strange ideas you have. [throws some daisy petals on coffin]


The coffin is soon covered with a medley of petals.


Bishop: [Chants] The blackness of the night encloses us as the rain falls heavily down...

All: Amen.

Bishop: [Chants] Here lie two good Christians who converted 'fore their deaths...

All: Amen.

Bishop: [Gets out of it] Let the dirt be thrown!

Taliesin': [quietly] Have you noticed the holes in both coffins?
Taliesin2: They must have a bad case of mice.

All: Am-


A sudden noise. All turn towards coffin. It sneezed.

[mono]

Taliesin1: Gesundheit.

Taliesin2: Bless you.

Jay: Are coffins supposed to sneeze? And why say 'gesundheit' to the deceased?

Scher: Gesundheit is "used to wish good health to a person who has just sneezed," coming from the Middle-High German for 'health.'

Bishop: Sometimes the late have their final nerve impulses slightly thereafter death.

Amuse: But Miss Darcy died days ago. Doesn't that seem a little late?
We need to free her now!

all run towards the lowered coffin

Miss Darcy: [from inside the coffin] Help! I'm still alive!

Mono: Does anyone else feel reminded of Poe's The Premature Burial?

Molko: I feel a most horrible series of events coming.

the bishop doffs his black overcoat and mask, revealing, again, the devil. Adelheid faints.

Scher: Ah, so, you're behind this again, Mephistopheles!

Miss Darcy: [from inside the coffin, another sneeze] Will someone help? I can't breathe!

Taliesin1: Gesundheit.

Taliesin2: Bless you.

Taliesin3: Is this really necessary of us?

Devil: No one will help her. She is still as good as dead.

Jay: And why not? Why cannot you go play with your pet, Faust, or something?

Amuse: We will help her, actually. Has not Miss Darcy been sent back for some reason?

Mono: Indeed, has not this dramatic fate over-ruled all?

Scher: Or, does fate over-rule evil, to begin with? Does fate necessarily always imply goodness and blessedness on the side of life or death?

Devil: Quiet! She will not return. I will bury her myself, if I must.

[the devil frantically begins burying Miss Darcy's already-lowered coffin]

Miss Darcy: [panicked] Will someone help?

Jay: [yelling, desperate] Somebody help, please!

Molko: Oh my, I can hardly conceive this.

[Adelheid wakes. Suddenly, out of imthefoolonthehill's coffin emerges his conscious, but still deceased body. Adelheid faints.]

Devil: How have you risen from the dead?

Jay: I thought the sneeze came from Miss Darcy.

[imthefoolonthehill's corpse mumbles 'Estella,' but with no sound. He grabs the devil, as he writhes and struggles, down into the coffin. The coffin closes.]

Amuse: Oh my, what have we just seen?

Scher: A metaphysical occurrence of some kind, nonetheless. The coffin holds so still.

Miss Darcy: Is anyone out there? Help! I can't breathe!

Taliesin1: Gesundheit.

Taliesin2: We think this is the wrong time, on second thought.

Mono: Ah, we forgot about Darcy. Quick, let's get her out of there.

[all hoist Miss Darcy's coffin out of the ground, breaking the seal, and opening the lid.]

Miss Darcy: What happened?

[ajoe]

--> is too lazy to contribute and doesn't know enough about the members to write about them anyway

But just want to say someone should write something about simon. :p

[shortysweetp]

what is noone going to write about me?? :bawling:
:) but thats ok i still love ya'all

[Jay]

Jay (average hight blonde female in baggy trousers/pants and a loose shirt): Well, you see, Darcy, we all thought you died, and that [points finger at Devil] good-for-nothing wanted to bury you at all costs, then it got somewhat muddled, you're alive, Fool's arguing with his beloved calculator, not even death doing them part, some people, don't want to point fingers or anything [wildly points finger at Adelheid still lying on the ground]... won't you people try to wake her up or something? Where was I...

Scher: That's enough, I think someone else can take it from here, thanks...

Jay: ... oh, I remember now, then...

Scher: ... as I was saying, I'm sure you wanted to sh...

Jay: ... they all seemed to...

Scher [taking out her notepad, talking to herself rather loudly, on purpose]: I think someone's going to write me an essay...

Jay: ... and then... [as the realisation dawns] WHAT? Another one?

Scher [grins Shereradishly]

Mono: I think that's what Scher just said.

Scher: Indeed [keeps grinning]

Taliesin2 [giggles]

Taliesin1 [laughing loudly]

Taliesin4 [to Jay]: See what happens when you don't know when to shut up.

Darcy: Excuse me, I still don't know what's going on here.


enters simon

Simon: Am I late? [looks around] Doesn't look like it. At least there's no bananas around.

Amuse [who was just about to unzip a banana looks at simon, seems to be fighting a no-win battle and after a while hides the banana back into her bag]

Fool: Did anyone of you know that calculators had souls as well?

Darcy [groans]: I think I prefered being dead [walks to ask Devil something]

Jay [glaring at Scher's notepad]: I think...

Scher [raises one eyebrow]

Jay: ... or not.

Scher: 2:0, little girl [cackles insanely]


somewhere from afar a lightning bolt hits the ground

Mono: At least it's not raining.


a heavy rains starts pouring


everyone glares at Mono as total silence is interrupted only by thunder

Mono [looks thoughtful]: Wonder if it works the other way around. [after a glance at the others - and Devil who's now trying very hard to hide inside the coffin looking a bit pale around the edges cursing like a truck driver and rambling something about extinguishing -]... We're all glad it's raining now!


the rain starts coming even more heavy

Mono: Whoops, it doesn't seem to work that way.


enters ajoe

Ajoe: What a nice weather for a picnic


suddenly the heavy downpour is over, the sun is shining, the virds are singing, Devil looks as pleased as punch...

Devil: Now who's this charming yound lady?

Jay: I thought you knew everything [swiftly looks at Scher who doesn't seem to mind]

Devil [fuming]: Of course I do, I'm, just trying to be polite, another essay for you!

Jay: Wish it'll rain again... [looks hopefully at the clear blue sky... nothing's happened]

Mono: You have to...

Devil: SILENCE! No one will EVER mention ANYTHING about the rain episode to anyone, everyone, swear it!

All [nodding their heads, looking innocent]: Yeah, sure [they smile innocently at Devil who seems very pleased with himself for being the baddest villain ever]


after a longish pause...

All [talking at once, but to sum it up]: NO!!! Keep dreaming, lil' boy!


enters Bong followed by baddad

Baddad: Did we miss anything?

Jay [takes a breath and then makes up her mind]

Darcy: Don't ask me, I just found out I died.

Bong&baddad: WHAT?!?

[Bongitybongbong]

Bongitybongbong, in all his size and girth, was very confused. The six foot leather and chain wearing S.O.B. from Jersey saw the Devil and realized that his fears were true.

Bong: Crap I'm too late.

Jay: What are you talking about, Bong?

Bong: I know this guy. He's been trying to take the entire Literature Network down for the last year. He captured IWilKikU for a while, and when he escaped the Devil took Jester as an anti-prize for us.

Devil[strides up to Bong with a confused and hate-filled expression on him]: Where do you fit into this? I never took you. You shouldn't know about this!

baddad: I'm sorry to interrupt, but what is Fool doing?

Fool had started to destroy Estella in a rage. He then realized what he had done to Estella, and he fell to the ground in tears.

Scher[to no one in particular]: Wow how weird can this get?

Devil[to Bong]: Continue on how you learned of my secret.

Bong[inattentively stares at the clouds before repling]: Do you remember a group of hardcore guys that went down to hell? It was special because you gruesomely dragged each on of them down to the pit. It stirred my attention. They were some of my best men in the Mafia. I decided to infiltrate your kingdom to regain my allies...my friends.

Devil[astonished]: That was you?!

Stan enters at a brisk pace until he sees that Bongitybongbong is in a confrontation of the Devil. He runs up to Bong to help him.

[Miss Darcy]

Darcy: [mischievous smile] I'm awfully sorry to dissapoint you all, but that isn't the Devil.

All: What?!

Darcy: [coolly] That isn't the devil. The Devil? Him? You've just gotta be kidding. You've got the wrong guy. This is no devil. [queenly look at Bong, who was in the middle of preparing to strangle Devil but is now frozen] Devil my shoe! That's no devil...that's...that's...[points finger at him, mischief in her eyes]

Devil: [quietly] Don't.

Darcy: [still queenly] And what are you doing in that costume? In my costume, at that?! Give it here...I've got to return it tomorrow.

Devil: [uncomfortable] I don't know what you're talking about.

Darcy: Oh yes you do. Guys, just look at him! He's paler now, the rain washed off some of his makeup. [half chuckle, half giggle] Oh dear...can't you see?

Mono: [small gasp] She's right. He is a lot paler now.

Darcy: Well if I'm going to have to prove this, I will, if I have to take him to court!

Scher: [quietly] Take the Devil to court. Right.

Jay: Or someone who was the Devil until just a minute ago.

Taliesin2: And someone who was a muddled-up bishop a few more minutes ago.
Taliesin3: We don't like this part. It's called the Explanation.
Taliesin4: We think it's the right time to catch up on our sleep.


[B]All five Taliesin's start snoring loudly.

Darcy: [continues, grinning very mischievously] He's stolen not only my costume, but also - [fishes a paper out of Devil's pocket] my death certificate -

All: Your death certificate?!

Darcy: [very calmly] My death certificate, my will, and, above all, my prank! And turned it against me. I fall asleep in the park and the next moment I know I'm in a black box with only two holes for my eyes and four more for my breathing.

Devil: [tries very hard not to smile, but fails considerably] I couldn't help it, Darcy, I felt that just this one time...

Darcy: Just this one time! What about April Fools? Remember that? [waves paper at Devil mock threateningly]

Devil: [grins] I do remember that. But you got me back for it with as much style as I've ever seen put into a prank.

Mono: So...we're meant to understand this is all just a joke?

Darcy: You are. [glances over at Fool's coffin, then glances at Devil, narrowing her eyes] Not using your theatre tricks again, I hope?

Devil: Well...


Music stops. There is a loud bang as the church doors emit a black-clad figure.

Darcy: [squinting] Who's that?

Devil: That...is the organist.

Darcy: [pretending to be comprehending] Ah.

Scher: The organist?

Mono: The ORGANIST?! [staggers as the figure comes closer] That's - but that's - but it can't be - but -


Figure comes closer and closer, smiling broadly. We now recognise...

All: [incredulous, gasping] FOOL?!

Mono: But - you're - aren't you?

Scher: But - you're - you're -

Jay: [points finger at coffin] In there!

Fool: [groans] Have you guys NEVER been to a play before? Sensationalism everywhere. It needs some drama in it you know. [I]Somebody has to die. Something extraordinary has to happen.

Scher: But what about Estella?

Fool: [reaches into pocket] Here.

Jay: But you were - your ghost - was -

Devil&Fool: [laughing] Mirrors.

Scher: MIRRORS?!

Devil: Well in a tall building...

Scher: But we're outside?

Fool: Well in a play...

Devil: On stage...

Fool: The actor goes under the stage...

Devil: And using mirrors...

Fool: A ghostly double is created.

Jay: Amazing.

Scher: But what about the broken calculator, what about - [winces] - all that brain matter?

Fool: [grins] Are you sure you want to know?

Mono: [who had been eyeing the Devil curiously] Hang on a minute, guys, that explains Fool, and Darcy, but what about this guy? Now we know he's not the Devil at all...but in that case...who is he?

Darcy: [broad smile, enjoying this] Just watch. [Goes over to Devil, pulls matted curly black hair with horns off his head, takes coat off him, revealing a white T-shirt and black jeans]

All: But that's -

Darcy: [produces sponge] Someone who badly needs a wash. [devilish grin]

Devil: N-no...Darcy...don't...[laughs semi-hysterically - at any rate, very undevilishly]

Darcy: [starts scrubbing] You're not getting out of it this time.

Taliesin2: [opening one eye] Is it over yet?

Mono: Not quite.

Darcy: [still scrubbing] No, I'd say definitely not over yet! This is just the climax point.

Taliesin3: Oh. So we can go back to sleep?

Mono: Sure. But Darcy, there's one thing...

Darcy: [continues scrubbing] Yes?

Mono: Well...it's just...how come there were two other people in the wardrobe, they both came out, but you didn't? Did...er...this guy...[motions Devil]...bind your hands and feet? Or?

Darcy: [stops scrubbing, leaving the poor devil looking an awful mess] It was hardly that romantic. [starts scrubbing again] I was the devil.

Mono: [amazed] You?

Darcy: Yeah. [still scrubbing] It was my idea to make a scarecrow that looked like me and then set it on fire, which I did exactly at the time I knew...people would be walking past [eyes Adelheid and Molko]. Simply enough, there is a small exit through the wardrobe. I ended up in a small room where I put my costume and makeup on. Then I went back. The rest you know.

Mono: I know now what Taliesin meant by being addicted to "prankology".

Darcy: Yes...Taliesin saw right through it. Mind you, he...or they...know me well by now. They were there on April Fool's when my spectacular embarrassment occured. There! [stops scrubbing] Finished! Now, turn around, my friend, let them get a good view of you...or wait. First, Fool explain to us...well...put it in your own words...how you come to be here. [grins, glancing back at the back of the un-devilled devil]

[imthefoolonthehill]

Fool: "I was a ghost, and I went to hell, then shot myself again, so here I am, back... for this is Hell's hell."

[Miss Darcy]

Darcy: [scratches her hatless head absent-mindedly] Well that explains it. Oh, you mean...but you are alive now, right? [Fool opens his mouth] Well that's the main thing. Look, you can tell them whatever you like, been to Hell, etc., I don't mind. Though obviously there is no Hell...never mind that. You see this is only a play anyway. But then again...[sees bored look on people's faces] Oh, right, back to action. Everyone, I think you must be impatient to meet your fellow forum member here. Now, Mr Devil sir, would you care to turn around?


[B]All except Darcy and Fool hold their breaths. Devil turns.

[Bongitybongbong]

...And he bursts into flames that came from nowhere

unknown voice:[evilly] Mwhahaha! You fools actually thought that the pitiful excuse was the true Satan.

Darcy: Oh s#*@!

Bong: So where are you Satan? Hiding again?

Satan: No, i'm right in front of you.
Bongitybongbong searches for any sign of Satan, and without luck he can't find the demon....until Bong noticed that Fool was in front of him. Bong realized that the evil was close to Fool, but it wasn't Fool. Someone or something close to Fool...

Bong: Estella!!

Satan: Ahh so you finally figured me out.I wondered how long this would take.

Bong: Leave now or-

Satan: Or what...you'll destroy this shell of a body. You would have accomplished nothing except destroying something.

Bong: No, I needed you to come up, and the time is now.

Satan: [fearfully] For what?!

Bong:[solemnly]......Judgement Day.

Satan:[arrogantly] Oh yeah how can you do that?

Bong: Ever hear of Holy Water?

Satan: You son of a b-

At that moment Bongitybongbong threw the Holy Water at Satan/Estella. Instantly, Satan let out a roar of pain and agony. The evil was destroyed , and the Literature Network users stood speechless. Enter Stan

Stan: So what did I miss? Are we going to have a picnic or what?

[Miss Darcy]

All look at Stan blankly.

Miss Darcy: [eventually] Nothing. Absolutely nothing. [glares at Bong for dramatising it again]

Bong: [grins] Evil has been destroyed!

Stan: What?

Bong: [triumphant] I just killed the Devil!

Darcy: Like there ever was one.

Bong: You just don't like real devils because you're an atheist.

Darcy: True. But that wasn't a real devil!

Bong: Was!

Darcy: Was not!

Bong: Was!

Darcy: Was not!

Bong: Was -

Mono: Calm down, guys, remember this is just a play.

Darcy: Exactly. There is no proof that that was a real devil, since he was only an actor anyway.

Bong: But that was a real devil acting it!

Darcy: [rolls eyes] Whatever. [smiles sweetly at Fool] You can be returned from Hell if you like...[eyes Bong]...and you can have conquered the Devil.

Bong: Good!

Darcy: On one condition. [whistles]

Bong: What the h-


A swishing sound. Now a thumping sound. Enter full-fledged DRAGON as he lands on stage.

Bong: What are you taking him here for?

Darcy: To display that anything is possible.

Stan: That's true.

Mono: Except the impossible.

Darcy: That's also true. [snaps fingers]


Exit Dragon

Darcy: [continuing] For that matter, let me just clarify something. Now that there is magic allowed, I think we can - [clicks again]


Drop curtain. Sound of rustling props. Curtain rise again. We are back in the same old room. All are gathered there, looking as if they had been transported from another world.

Stan: Darcy - what's this supposed to mean?

Miss Darcy: [sweetly] Romantic irony.

[B]
All (except Darcy) groan.

Darcy: For all [I]we know, that could have all been a dream.

Adelheid: [waves miniskirt] And what about this?

Darcy: [sweetly] You're right. [exit into wardrobe - muffled voice] From here on.

Molko: [small grin] Where were we. Ah, yes. We have been misfortunate enough to lose Miss Darcy...


All burst out laughing. Drop curtain. End Scene II.

[Snukes]

ACT I, SCENE II

Same room, but now it's empty of characters. The walls have been covered with frightening doodles of devils and calculators and dancing nanas. The miniskirt is being worn by a pile of furniture, arranged to look vaguely like Miss Darcy. The wardrobe door is slightly open and a faint snoring sound issues from within.

Enter Snukes, small, frizzy, wearing a ballgown, and looking confused.

Snukes: Hello?


Receiving no answer, she moves to the center of the room and looks around, apparently stunned.

Snukes: Damn. How do I always get my dates wrong?


An especially loud snore issues forth from the closet.

Voice in the closet: [Sleepily] Seeeeriously, Bong! Wake up and blow your nose!


Snukes looks alarmed. Just as she apparently works up the courage to go see what's in the closet, the closet door opens and out comes Miss Darcy, closely followed by Scheherezade. Both are wearing pink pajamas and fuzzy slippers.

Snukes: Uhhh...

Miss Darcy: [perking up a bit] Good morning!

Scher: I don't suppose you brought the coffee?

Snukes: Uhhhh...

Miss Darcy: Or waffles? That would be really nice about now, don't you think?

Scher: Definitely!


They look expectantly at Snukes.

Snukes: Sorry... my invitation was apparently missing some information. I guess I could go get waffles if you want?

Miss Darcy: No, that's okay. Besides, the Devil said he'd be back with coffee about now.

Mono: [emerging from closet] He's not back yet?

Snukes: The Devil? But I thought you didn't believe...?

Miss Darcy: Who am I to argue with a Devil who offers to get coffee?

Jay: [emerging from the closet] After a night like last night? There's nothing we don't believe in!


Devil enters, looking as he did in Scene One, but wearing a bathrobe. He is carrying a big tray of coffee and a platter of waffles.

Devil: Six blacks, three with milk, two hot chocolates, and a tea. And it seems to me that someone was lusting for waffles?


Despite her obvious bafflement, Snukes can't help snatching a waffle as the Devil walks by. Taliesins begin emerging from the closet.

Snukes: [around a mouthful of waffle] How many of you are IN there?

[Miss Darcy]

Taliesin': Well...one...
Taliesin: Two...
Taliesin3: Five...
Taliesin2: Six...
Taliesin5: No, I'm five!
Taliesin4: Wait. Start again. [points at Taliesin] One. [points at Taliesin2] Two. [points at Taliesin3] Three...

Snukes: Forget it.

Fool: [emerging from wardrobe] The square root of five Taliesin's equals...[punches something into his new calculator]...magic broth? What the?

Darcy: [sipping her hot chocolate] Say...Lucifer...Mephistopheles...Satan...

Devil: [grins] Just Devil.

Darcy: Devil...you couldn't possibly make us a pancake or two as well?

Devil: [smiles obligingly] Of course. [Exit Devil]

Snukes: [wonderingly] I've never seen such a well-mannered devil in my life.

Mono: I wonder that you've seen any.

Snukes: So, Darcy, you...

Darcy: I what?

Snukes: Believe?

Darcy: [grins] That depends on what.

Snukes: Well...that there really exists a devil.

Darcy: Of course I do, if it's that devil.

Snukes: [incredulous] But you're an atheist!

Darcy: [calmly] Of course I am.

Snukes: I just don't get it. How can you believe in the Devil and yet be an atheist?

Darcy: You misunderstand me. I believe in that devil and that devil only.

Scher: [munching on waffles] She believes in that devil because she knows him well enough to realise the scope he has for pr-

Darcy: [quickly interrupts] Yes.

Devil: [returning with a plate of pancakes] Pancakes anyone?

Darcy: Oooh, yes! Did you bring jam?

Devil: [motions to the little table now in the room] Yes.

Darcy: How very kind of you. [takes a crepe on her plate and goes about spreading it with jam and cream.]

Jay: [thoughtfully] Pity it isn't blueberry season. Pancakes are delicious with blueberry jam, a little bit of cottage cheese, and a lot of cream on top.

Darcy: [with her mouth partly full] I absolutely agree!

Devil: That doesn't mean we can't still have blueberry jam, a little bit of cottage cheese, and a lot of cream on top. [motions computer desk]

Darcy: [exclaiming] I do declare! I hadn't noticed them there before!

Devil: Magic.

Bong: [sulkily] I don't see why you have to make such a fuss over the fraud. Evil has been destroyed. Why do we need a reincarnation of it?!

Mono: Perhaps to remind us of good old times.

Bong: Oh my God! It was only a few days ago!

Mono: And yet it feels like years.

Snukes: [curious] What actually happened?

[Loki]

Darcy: Well...

Taliesin2: Oh-oh. Here we go again!


{Darcy opens her mouth to continue. Sudden drum-roll. Enter GHOST, pale, wrapped in a white cloth, very...ghostly. A sudden puff of smoke.}

Darcy: Oh great. This is the last thing we need.

Devil: [coughing, waving hand to dissipate smoke] I quite agree.

Taliesin: And we quite disagree.
Taliesin3: [joyfully] No more explanations!

Ghost: [slow tremolo] I hope I am not too late...

Devil: [sarcastically] Of course not. Welcome to our little group. I apologise, though, we don't have any ghost-brand coffee, or any ghost-proof seats for you to sit on. [takes a seat, frowning at Ghost]

Ghost: [slowly advances, quickly stops] F-fool! What are you doing here?

Fool: [not looking up from calculator] A very complicated equation.

Ghost: But you're meant to be dead! - You - you are dead...because...I'm your ghost!

Fool: [looks up] My what?

Mono: [quietly] Looks like the old chap got the wrong place.

Jay: [little smile] I think he got the right place...just the wrong time.

Ghost: [deliberately] Were you saying anything?

Jay: No, I was just commenting on...the beautiful weather!

Darcy: No, Jay, let's not talk about the weather again. Every time we do, it - [loud thunderclap. Rain lashes against window. Small voice] starts to rain.

Devil: Darcy, was this [points at Ghost] your idea, by any chance?

Darcy: Of course not. [narrows eyes] Was it yours?

Devil: On my life, no!

Darcy: [searching look at everyone else] Whose was it, then?

Ghost: I hate to interrupt, but I must comment that you're all acting a incy wincy tinsy bit strangely.

Devil: [low tone] You're the one who's acting strangely.

Ghost: Did you say something?

Devil: Not a word, no.

Ghost: Well, then. [looks at Fool, who has gone back to his calculator] May we have a word?

Fool: [without looking up] Yes, of course.

Ghost: In private?

Fool: [looks up, surprised] Why me?

Ghost: [smiles condescendingly at audience] You will excuse us for a moment. Fool, come.


[I]{Exit Fool and Ghost.}

Darcy: [recovering] Where was I...ah, yes. I had figured out a prank to get myself back on Loki here...

Devil: Start at the start, will you?

Darcy: Well I don't want to scare anyone. I'm going to tell the absolute truth.

Devil: [sighs, rolls eyes] Fine.

Darcy: You may as well meet Loki. Everyone, this is Loki. Loki, this is...everyone. [smiles a little sheepishly]

Devil/Loki: [smiles sarcastically] Hi.


[I]{Darcy opens mouth. Just then, re-enter Fool and Ghost.}[I]

[Taliesin]

Fool*holding his ghosts chin*: To be or noth tho be?
Ghost*ditto* that is the question
Fool*monologuely*: Is the value of the ascending sinusoidical equation positive or negative?
Ghost: that is the question too
Fool: To....*whispering* what was the next line?

Scheherazede, breaking in: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep...

Loki: Hm, do you understand that you just ruined my great moment of entrance?
Taliesin: Well, you are a trickster, i think that, by nature, you do not need any entrances?
Taliesin': By the way, i do not understand why Loki is playing as the devil. Odhinn was much meaner character. He looked like this: ;) and was very bad. Betrayed his friends and stuff.

Scheherazede: But we do not have a Odin here. The closest thing is Loki. You'll have to close an eye perhaps.
Scer: Grins Scheherazedeishly
Mono: I actually never thought that you actually said it aloud
Scher: well, it is much easier to say it than to do it.How do you think it is done?
Taliesins (all five of them) : Perhaps like this?
*they all produce a big smile and then vanish, just leaving the smiles there*
Mono: that was a good trick, i must say. Cheshire cat? Must try it.
Mono: *acting like Taliesins*
And so, person by person people start smiling and vanishing till in the end there are only two people left. They are...

[Miss Darcy]

Darcy: Just us two again.

Loki: In the dark.

Darcy: In the very dark dark.

Loki: In the very very dark dark.

Darcy: In the very very very dark dark. [sighs, then raises her voice] Just wait till I get you back for that, all five of you! Now, more than ever, the possibility of ever having this staged vanishes into nothingness!

Loki: I don't think they heard you.

Darcy: Taliesin, Taliesin. If you only knew...my fondest hope...ruined

Loki: It was not to be.

Darcy: No, apparently not. O, that this too too solid flesh would melt...

Loki: ...thaw...

Darcy:...and resolve itself into a dew!

Loki: Or that the almighty had not set his canon 'gainst self-slaughter...

Darcy: To die...to sleep...

Loki: Wrong part.

Darcy:...no more...

Loki: But soft...

Darcy:...what light from yonder window shines?

Loki: [annoyed] But soft, the fair Ophelia.

Darcy: That doesn't come until later. Methinks it is the sun, and Juliet is the moon.

Loki: Well, well, well.

Darcy: O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?

Loki: You know, we could always turn this into a screenplay.

Darcy: What's in a name? Would not a rose by any other name smell as sweet?

Loki: Er...Darcy...

Darcy:...kill the envious moon...

Loki: Darcy...

Darcy: For thou her maid art fairer than she...[innocently] Yes?

Loki: We could always film this. It has so many special effects and stuff...might make a blockbuster hit.

Darcy: I don't have a very good opinion of blockbuster hits.

Loki: Well, never mind, a stonethruster hit?

Darcy: Give up.

Loki: Look, Darcy, we need to talk...about...you know what...

Darcy: You know, speaking of special effects, how about we...


Darcy and Loki fade away against the dark background. End Scene III.

[Loki]

[CENTER]{"ACT II SCENE I"}

EXT Daytime. PAN across landscape with river, trees, green grass. A group of people sprawled haphazardly across it, some with notebooks in hand, but most reading. Summertime. Begin Beethoven's Pastoral Symphony in the background.

Loki: [V/O] And so it was that the famous Online Literature Forum's Devil became myself and I became the Devil...but not everybody was convinced. They said that Fool really had died, the Devil that time long ago was really the Devil, and a whole lot of nonsense I shall not venture to repeat. Well. I can assure you that every time I was there it was me and every other time it seems to have been Miss Darcy, but further than that...I can't say whether Fool is or isn't living, but he's right over there on the otherwise deserted picnic blanket, punching numbers into his new calculator, and looking, on the whole, rather satisfied...a look, I think, is subjected to the land of the living and has not yet encountered the underworld. But I digress. We're all here, it seems, somewhere along the banks of this river...there's Jay, see her? [Jay waves] And Scheherezade...just watch her grinning...Bong...and Taliesin's, where are they? They must have got lost fishing. Oh well. There's Miss Darcy...yes, you may well smile, my friend...Adelheid...[Adelheid is hunched over her book, refuses to look up]...hello Adelheid? The camera's pointing at you...that's better. Dante's Juliet is walking beneath the willows, exclaiming, at intervals, at her book...bits of advice mostly...[CLOSE-UP on JULIET]....and here...where am I...[CAMERA JERKS MOST UNPLEASANTLY] Ah. Here I am. {Music fades away} {Closeup on LOKI, tall, skinny, long, bronze hair, simple old Norse costume}

Loki: [looks up] Who wrote this script? I get hardly any lines at all! And me, a prankster? The Devil? Come on!


Nobody so much as looks at Loki.

Loki: [mutters] Typical. Well I'm sure it won't be much better as a screenplay...don't worry, you can still write it as a play...I've never actually written a screenplay before, but I may as well try. We need it to be a screenplay if we want to encompass all those effects. In fact, it might just turn out nicely. [begins scribbling]


Close-up on DARCY, in a green t-shirt and jeans...

Darcy: [shakes head at paper] Trust Loki. He always does it! How am I supposed to solve this riddle? Two heads, one mouth, five eyes, two tails, six legs...

Mono: [looks up] Couldn't it be that horse of Odin's? You know...the one Loki...

Darcy: I know which one you mean. Hmm, could be...but I don't think it had five eyes!

Mono: [shrugs] It sounds like nonsense to me.

Darcy: It probably is nonsense, knowing Loki.

Mono: Probably.


Both go back to reading.

{Close-up Dante's Juliet}

Juliet: [Reads] Oh, if the river were to uncarry her dead, what a sight would be seen! If the timeless banks were littered by the Styxian rubble! If Pallas returned to his native shore! [shudders]


Return to the other bank. Close-up on BONG and SCHER, both in summer clothes.

Scher: [Reads] Shall I compare thee to a summer's day...

Bong: No thanks.

Scher: Are you sure?

Bong: Where's Taliesin! Holla! Taliesin! Where are you all!

Scher: Who knows where they've got to...


Camera pans to show five figures walking along the northern bank. Zoom. Close-up on TALIESIN'S.

[Nightshade]

Tasilsin 1 who is distigishable from the others in that he is soked and various bits of [pond weed are stuck in his hair: scowls at Tailsin 5 you pushed me in!
Tailsin 5: Mybe I did maybe he didnt
Tailsin 3&4 we agree
Tailsin 2: Stop fighting we should be above such things with our IQ level, which I am mostly responisble for.
Tailsin1 : Dont you start!
Tailsin 3: Im glad we came to this picninc I hope it goes better than the last one
Tailsin 4: Theres the Devil I mean Loki.

The unexplained giggle from ActI can again be heard from behind the camera/ or off stage. Everyone looks at a giglling tree.

Fool: This is strange the probability of this is E=mc square root of 7 to the power of negitive infinity

Suddenly someone falls out of the tree.
It is Nightshade ( a girl of less than avrage short height with bright blue hair and a massive smile. She is dressed in a pair of old jeans and a cream cardigan that is way too big.)
Nightshade: Well you found me! Hello brilliant (shouts) WEATHER we are having!

Sher, Jay and Darcy all shout : NO
THUNDERCLAP and the sun fades away to be replace with terncial rains.

Nightshade: Now this is more like it good wet weather perfect for strange things to happen (starts reciting in a singsong voice) Blow, blow, thou winter wind,Freeze, freeze, thou bitter sky.

Momo: Look what youve done Its raining now!

Night: interrupt singing but starts huming raindrops while answering I know isnt it marvellous, I though a lot of you didnt like the heat so I thought Id cool it down but if you dont like it... (aside into little dictaphone thing she pulls out of one of the numerous pockets in her backpack) Smilies were is my sun hat... ah thankyou. All right then Calls up to the sky You know I really love this wet WEATHER we are having I would really hate it to be HOT!
*The weather changes again now it is 42 degreees centigrade.*
Anyone like some Icecream cake??

Bong: there are 2 ways to handle this the hard way or the harder way... I could tie her up and gag her and make her watch Starwars oooooor and this is harder ignore her.
__________________________________________________ ___
this has been a very funny play to read so far I really just wanted to say that so i aded the above :lol:

[Loki]

Loki: I'd say ignore her. Or better still, keep that nice frown on your face for - well, let's just say until it's your turn to die/become the Devil/get locked up in a wardrobe....and you'll have defeated the mission of her life.

Darcy: Honestly, Loki, to hear you talk...

Scher: You'd almost think he meant it.

Loki: Would you? My apologies. It's all my fault you see for never making it generally known that I never mean what I say.

Scher: *Rolls eyes*

Jay: *happily* This is really, really, REALLY nice weather we're having, isn't it? I wish it was like this all the time!


Another thunderclap. Beethoven's Fifth, Theme in B/G. Blue smoke. General loud coughing.

Jay: *waving her hand frantically to dissipate smoke around her* This isn't what I intended...

Scher: *coughingly* Yes. I believe it's not.

Darcy: Where's Loki?


[U]More thunderclaps. Heavy downpour of rain. Lightning flickers on and off.

Taliesin: Hello? Loki? Where are you?
Taliesin2: Don't desert us now!
Taliesin3: You still have twenty pages to write!
Taliesin5: And one hour of filming to do!
Taliesin4: *raises voice* If you really are gone (though we seriously doubt it, to confess the truth), could you please fetch us that rubber ducky on the bath in the Online Literature Network Clubhouse? Thanks.

Unknown Voice (V/O): But why do you shout...don't you see my coffin?

All: (Astonished) Coffin?!

U.V.: Yeah. It's over here. I hope you haven't forgotten the ghost of the past...

Jay: Are we talking about the ghost in Act One?

U.V.: We could be. Well he, or, more specifically speaking, it is right here...anybody care to take a look?

Scher: We're coming; but where's Loki? And...I haven't seen...

All: [in unison]......................

[Taliesin]

There is a sudden and very loud outburst of Beethovens Fifth theme again, silencing the name said in unison.

Jay: Now, what did we say?
Darcy: Honestly, I don't know. I can't read from lips.
Taliesin: Nor can I
Taliesin': Nor I
Taliesin1: It would get quite long if all of us said so, then..
Taliesin1: ..nor can any of us, can they?
Scher: *grins Scheherazadeishly*
Darcy: YOU know?
Scher's grin widens.
Jay: You DO know! What did we say?
Scher mouths something, again being silenced by Beethovens fifth.
Night: What?
Taliesin 3: She probably said ...
*sudden downpour of rain*
Taliesin2: ...what a lovely weather it was.
Jay: Damn, it is getting wet here. And it is not as if there aren't enough mods here to bring destruction to all being! All being! TO kill ad mutilate every single member and atom of this world! Until they scream in agony and beg for mercy FROM THE MODS! THE MODS! ALL HAIL THE MODS!
*Jay goes into a temper, starts foaming and screaming words not understandable by the general public*
Scher: You know what?
Darcy: No....
Taliesin: BUt I guess you will tell us.
Jay: NO MERCY!
Scher: With my modulatory powers, I declare this scene to be ended!

*All goes black*
Sound of Taliesin': But...
Sound of Taliesin 1: It was supposed to be a dramatic moment...
Sound of Taliesin3: ...somebody was going to enter.
Sound of Scher: Jeesh. The situation got quite out of hand...
Sound of Jay: KILLL!!
Sound of Scher: ...as you can see. Besides, the topic was necroed anyhow. Those who wrote these parts have left the limelight. New participants can enter now.
Sound of Taliesin: We believe that the politically correct word is revived...
Sound of Scher: Oh, as you wish:
A shiny, multicoloured REVIVED sign appears into the total darkness.
Soundn ofTaliesin': Wow! Quite nice.
Sound of Scher: SHhhh. This is supposed to be the time between the scenes where there is nothing but darkness. Silence now.

Everyone is silent.

End of Scene I

[Pensive]

:lol:

This seems like a very interesting game!

So are we supposed to create a new one not including the previous participants now?

[Nightshade]

ActII Scene II ( I THINK)

Still in darkness
Jay: You know I really really dislike beethoven*Bethovens 5th starts playing again* it gives me migranes....
So yells to the scene in general You can pack it in right now.

Taliesin1: You know that isnt going to work?

Jay:*ignoring him and still striding around shaking her fists I mean it right now stop!

*but the music keeps playing*
Night:well what I want to know is who isnt the ghost and where has the coffine mystriously dissapeared to? *everyone looks around ( except Jay who is still foaming)* And half the cast is gone too we might have to wait and see what new chracters appear or else we will be stuck in this darkness but atleast Jay got rid of the silance....Jay watch where your stomping.

Scher: I think its time to write an essay on the contotations of darkness, and the realitive merits of comic relief in a play.

All groan

[Taliesin]

Nightshade: "Well, that took long"
Scher: "Do you think it is easy to write essays?"
Nightshade: "Er, no, but..."
Scher: "They do take long!"
Nightshade: "Yes, but.."
Scher: "Do you want me to issue a homework essay to you concerning..."
*A thunderclap illuminates the stage for a second. It appears that the setting is a simple room with walls made of plain concrete and no doors. In the ceiling there is a trapdoor. The room is empty, save for Scher and Nightshade*
Scher: "...Mrs Dalloway!"
*Second thunderclap. The faces of both Scher and Nightshade are horrorstruck.*
Nightshade:"That would be low. Even for you."
Scher: "Grins Scheherazadeishly"
Nightshade: "Anyhow, where did all the people go? At the beginning of the scene Jay and at least one of Taliesins were here"
Voice of Taliesin: "Uncertainty principle. We were not seen, hence, our here-being was uncertain. Wait, let me try to get some light in here. "
*Dim electric lights start shining in the ceiling. Small wires are seen in the backstage, crisscrossing the upper parts of the wall and disappearing to the ceiling. In the middle of the stage, Taliesin is seen. He is a young man of average length with a long ponytail and a hooked nose, black shoes, one black and one white sock, white linen trousers, black long-sleeved shirt, and a light brown modern jacket*
Taliesin: "Well, now we can at least see the stage."
Scher: "You seem to be quite....singular."
Taliesin: "Yes, that was the result of a mutation. Now I am one. I have two halves though if that makes you happy"
Nightshade: "A mutation? What? It isn't as there is a nuclear war going on, is there?"
Taliesin: "Well, actually there is. Why else are you sitting in this bunker?"
*Thunderclaps play out the main theme of Beethovens Fifth*
Taliesin: "Hell, I am tired of Beethoven. I wonder if I can adjust the sound system of the weather."
*Raises to tiptoe and starts fiddling with the circuits*
*The tone of the thunderclaps changes, instead starting to remind the voice of Rick Astley*
Voice of Rick Astley: "Never gonna give you up..."
Nightshade: "Oh, great, now we got rickrolled by the damn weather. At least it can't rain inside."
Voice of Rick Astley: "Never gonna let you down"
*There is a sudden downpour of rain from the ceiling*
Night: "How the..."
Voice of Rick Astley: "Never gonna run around...
Scher: "Fire extinguishers. Wonder why it turned on, though."
Voice of Rick Astley: "...and desert you."
Taliesin: "Okay, I've had enough with the rickroll. This looks too damn tricky to be just a trick of the weather. Whoever is behind it, better show up!"
Voice of Rick Astley: "Never gonna say goodbye"
*There is a small electrical malfunction, the stage turns dark for a moment. When the lights reappear there is a new figure in the center of the stage. It is...*