AuntShecky
10-09-2007, 02:06 PM
The “Smart” Bomb
Few noticed the initial explosion; those who heard it at all attributed to a motorcycle engine backfiring or the raucous beat from a car stereo. It was hard to ignore however the fine green dust that had settled on rooftops and pavement everywhere . Kids squealed “Green snow!” Adults shrugged and thought it was a new form of smog. Retail stores and schools stayed open, beer cans popped, and cell phone ring tones chimed. A tiny mention of the phenomenon crawled against the cable news scroll, and there was no interruption of regularly-scheduled broadcasts. It was business as usual, UNTIL–
Little by little, subtle changes started to occur, a slight wrinkling in the fabric of society. Day by day, sales of high-fat and sugary snacks dropped off. The profits of fast food joints started going south, even to the point where they had to start laying off employees.
And then one night there was a sound that in terms of decibels was much fainter than the initial explosion, yet audible to nearly everyone across the country – it was the enormous, collective “click” of millions of television remotes going “off.”
After that, the grandstands for NASCAR races were empty while public libraries were packed with SRO crowds. Disney World and similar theme parks saw their attendance drop to a trickle. Likewise with Atlantic City casinos, and whatever happened in Vegas, stayed in Vegas, because nobody had gone there in the first place. To the dismay of the coach of the football team at Downstate University at Hogwash, the DUH Dodoes were skipping practice in order to attend lectures on Logical Positivism. And on the streets, drug dealers had no takers. They couldn't, well, they couldn't get arrested.
When the criminal justice system began to seem superfluous, and the courtroom caseloads became lighter and lighter, government started to sit up and notice. “What is going on? Who are these evildoers who have attacked our way of life?”
The absentee rate in public schools was nearing absolute zero. The system, which had been designed for delinquency, truancy, and drop-outs, was beside itself for knowing how to facilitate implementation of dealing with the changes being made. Adding to the problem was the widespread rebellion of students in nearly every classroom. It’s not that they resisted learning, they resisted not being taught. “What is this pap?” one third-grader complained to the principal (or maybe it was the vice-principal or the assistant vice-principal.) “Why are we spoon-fed this baby stuff?”
Meanwhile the Department of Homeland Immaturity had honed in on an activist cell in Ann Arbor, Michigan. No one was watching the news that night (since the country’s TVs were off), but videotaped coverage showed a small group of nerds, their arms stretched high above their heads, being led out of an Internet café. The tape showed a helmeted peace officer tearing up a well-spelled sign reading “Geeks of the World Unite! You Have Nothing to Lose But Your Pocket Protectors.” Justice for these agitators was swift; they were incarcerated in a holding area in which they were denied computer access for the duration of their sentence.
It didn't take long for Our Way of Life to return to normalcy. The brief, tragic period in which the fallout from the Smart Bomb held sway became a fading memory. Once again, the world was made safe for mediocrity.
Aunt Shecky
All rights reserved.
Few noticed the initial explosion; those who heard it at all attributed to a motorcycle engine backfiring or the raucous beat from a car stereo. It was hard to ignore however the fine green dust that had settled on rooftops and pavement everywhere . Kids squealed “Green snow!” Adults shrugged and thought it was a new form of smog. Retail stores and schools stayed open, beer cans popped, and cell phone ring tones chimed. A tiny mention of the phenomenon crawled against the cable news scroll, and there was no interruption of regularly-scheduled broadcasts. It was business as usual, UNTIL–
Little by little, subtle changes started to occur, a slight wrinkling in the fabric of society. Day by day, sales of high-fat and sugary snacks dropped off. The profits of fast food joints started going south, even to the point where they had to start laying off employees.
And then one night there was a sound that in terms of decibels was much fainter than the initial explosion, yet audible to nearly everyone across the country – it was the enormous, collective “click” of millions of television remotes going “off.”
After that, the grandstands for NASCAR races were empty while public libraries were packed with SRO crowds. Disney World and similar theme parks saw their attendance drop to a trickle. Likewise with Atlantic City casinos, and whatever happened in Vegas, stayed in Vegas, because nobody had gone there in the first place. To the dismay of the coach of the football team at Downstate University at Hogwash, the DUH Dodoes were skipping practice in order to attend lectures on Logical Positivism. And on the streets, drug dealers had no takers. They couldn't, well, they couldn't get arrested.
When the criminal justice system began to seem superfluous, and the courtroom caseloads became lighter and lighter, government started to sit up and notice. “What is going on? Who are these evildoers who have attacked our way of life?”
The absentee rate in public schools was nearing absolute zero. The system, which had been designed for delinquency, truancy, and drop-outs, was beside itself for knowing how to facilitate implementation of dealing with the changes being made. Adding to the problem was the widespread rebellion of students in nearly every classroom. It’s not that they resisted learning, they resisted not being taught. “What is this pap?” one third-grader complained to the principal (or maybe it was the vice-principal or the assistant vice-principal.) “Why are we spoon-fed this baby stuff?”
Meanwhile the Department of Homeland Immaturity had honed in on an activist cell in Ann Arbor, Michigan. No one was watching the news that night (since the country’s TVs were off), but videotaped coverage showed a small group of nerds, their arms stretched high above their heads, being led out of an Internet café. The tape showed a helmeted peace officer tearing up a well-spelled sign reading “Geeks of the World Unite! You Have Nothing to Lose But Your Pocket Protectors.” Justice for these agitators was swift; they were incarcerated in a holding area in which they were denied computer access for the duration of their sentence.
It didn't take long for Our Way of Life to return to normalcy. The brief, tragic period in which the fallout from the Smart Bomb held sway became a fading memory. Once again, the world was made safe for mediocrity.
Aunt Shecky
All rights reserved.