World's Craziest Quotes

[RoCKiTcZa]

Know any lines involving the candid misuse of good English? Or the professional aspect of mistake-making?:p
If you do, then it's just about time you made your contribution to our newest collection of the world's craziest quotes... EVER!!!:lol:

Here's one I've found:
Don't give your life a chance to die.
~Manny Pacquiao, Boxing World Champion

[rabid reader]

"The ships hovered in the air exactly as a brick wouldn't"- Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

[BlueSkyGB]

"The ships hovered in the air exactly as a brick wouldn't"- Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams


LOL.....:lol: :D :lol:
We could fill this thread with quotes from Adams...:)

[rabid reader]

LOL.....:lol: :D :lol:
We could fill this thread with quotes from Adams...:)

quite! God bless a Brit with a brain :D

[rabid reader]

Another gem by Dougie:

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.

[MarkC]

The craziest thing I did to get a guy to notice me was going out with his best friend. It worked - he did notice me - but I don't recommend it--By Michael Strahan

[Dinkleberry2010]

When it comes to the candid misuse of good English, Yogi Berra is the king; to wit:
It ain't over till it's over
It's deja vu all over again
If you come to a fork in the road, take it

[Dr Jekyll]

"I was glad to see Italy win. All the guys on the team were Italians." :lol:
-Tom Lasorda, former Dodger manager on World Cup soccer tournament

This one's epic:
"Mr. Milosevic has to be careful. The calendar is ticking."
-Richard Haas, NBC News consultant

I found these quotes on this site:
http://www.nicefacts.com/

[Captain_Kuchiki]

"Kids Make Nutritious Snacks" -- a newspaper headline.

[marcolfo]

as a base ball fan yogi berra is my god.



It ain't over till it's over.

This is like deja vu all over again.

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

When you come to a fork in the road, take it.

The future ain't what it used to be.

A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.

It's tough to make predictions, especially about the future.

I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early.

Baseball is ninety percent mental. The other half is physical.

Nobody goes there anymore because it's too crowded.

I don't know (if they were men or women fans running naked across the field). They had bags over their heads.

You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you are going because you might not get there.

I don't want to make the wrong mistake.

If people don't want to come out to the ballpark, how are you going to stop them?

In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is.

Interviewer - "Why, you're a fatalist !" - Yogi Berra - "You mean I save postage stamps? Not me."

Little League baseball is a very good thing because it keeps the parents off the streets.

Mrs. Lindsay - "You certainly look cool." - Yogi Berra - "Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself."

I'm not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did.

"That ain't the way to spell my name."--After he got a check that read 'Pay to bearer'.

How can you hit and think at the same time?

You can observe a lot just by watchin'

Always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't go to yours.

Never answer an anonymous letter.

We made too many wrong mistakes.

When asked what time it is: "Do you mean now?"

For a spring training drill, Yogi instructed his players to: "Pair off in threes."

Reporter: "What would you do if you found a million dollars?" Yogi: "If the guy was poor, I'd give it back."

I usually take a two hour nap from one to four.

You can observe a lot just by watching.

You give 100% in the first half of the game, and if that isn't enough, in the second half you give what's left.

I never said most of the things I said.

[Lokasenna]

Courtesy of Mr Edmund Blackadder, ESQ:

"Disease and depravation stalk our land like... two giant... stalking things."

I love how a series that is known for its wit ocassionally turns things upside-down like this. It gets me every time.

[gbrekken]

another Yogi-ism: Half the lies they tell about me aren't true

Twain: I wouldn't belong to any organization that would have me as a member

Spooner (taken from Bartlett's): You have deliberately tasted two worms and you can leave Oxford by the next town drain.

[9 Bean Rows]

"Now hast thou slain the Jabberwock?"
L. Carrol

[marcolfo]

from Ulysses

And as no man knows the ubicity of his tumults nor to what processes we shall thereby be ushered nor whether to Tophet or Edenville in the like way is all hidden when we would backward see from what region of remoteness the whatness of our whosness hath fetched his whenceness.

[RaoulDuke]

There are so many quotes and poems by Ogden Nash that would fit here!

Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long.

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it.

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.


Smoot Smites Smut
Senator Smoot (Republican, Ut.)
Is planning a ban on smut.
Oh rooti-ti-toot for Smoot of Ut.
And his reverend occiput.
Smite, Smoot, smite for Ut.,
Grit your molars and do your dut.,
Gird up your loins,
Smite hip and thigh,
We'll all be Kansas
By and by.

When smut's to be smitten
Smoot will smite
For God, for country,
And Fahrenheit.

Senator Smoot is an institute
Not to be bribed with pelf;
He guards our homes from erotic tomes
By reading them all himself.

Smite, Smoot,
Be rugged and rough,
Smut if smitten
Is front-page stuff.

[MANICHAEAN]

This is the kind of English up with which I will not put.

I hope this finds you fine, as it leaves me ok.

Show him the shovels and ask him to take his pick.

[Jesterhead]

I think, therefor I am... afraid of Chuck Norris.

[dafydd manton]

Samuel Goldwyn: A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's printed on.
Include me out

[dafydd manton]

I'm pink, therefore I'm Spam

[aliengirl]

Forget love, I'd rather fall in chocolate.

[JuniperWoolf]

I'll take the job.

*emphatic salute*

Potato salad!

[iamnobody]

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. --Groucho Marx

[MystyrMystyry]

Never be afraid to say what you're thinkin', unless of course you ain't thinkin'

Sarah Palin

[blackwingedbird]

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

An education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

‘Yes! I’m me, I am careful and logical and I look up things I don’t understand! When I hear people use the wrong words I get edgy! I am good with cheese. I read books fast! I think! And I always have a piece of string! That’s the kind of person I am!’ (Tiffany Aching)

Terry Pratchett. And there's SOOOO many more! :smilewinkgrin:

[Billy Pilgrim]

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

- Will Shriner

This makes me laugh every time I read it.

[chipper]

I'm a rockstar... i'm paid to be selfish - Noel Gallagher

I don't know anything about music. In my line of work, you don't have to. - Elvis

[Delta40]

I have the heart of a child. I keep it in a jar on my desk - Robert Bloch

[chipper]

I don't care about what they say about me, as long as it isn't true. - Dorothy Parker

[billl]

"Fat Tony is a cancer upon Springfield! And I am the, uh, whatever cures cancer."
----Police Chief Wiggum

From The Simpsons

[Big Dante]

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

- Will Shriner

This makes me laugh every time I read it.

:lol::lol: Haha that's great, what a topic.

[Calidore]

"When you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?" -- Steven Wright

[joelavine]

I'm not quite sure what you are asking, but I feel as if it might encompass two of my favorite twisted truisms:

"Nostalgia isn't what it used to be."

Simone Signoret

"Youth is wasted on the young."

Oscar Wilde

[virgo27]

Oh, I did not know that quote came from Oscar Wilde.

[Sophius]

The Fall (bababadalgharaghtakamminarronnkonnbronntonnerronn tuonnthunntrovarrhounawnskawntoohoohoordenenthurnu k!) of a once wallstrait oldparr is rtaled early in bed and later on a life down thorugh all christian minstrelsy. The great fall of the offwall entailed at such short notice the pftjschute of Finnegan, erse solid man, that the humptyhillhead of humself prumptly sends an unquiring one well to the west in a quest of his tumptytoes; and their upturnpikepointandplace is at knock out in the park where oranges have been laid to rust upon the green since devlinsfirst loved livvy.

James Joyce-Finnegan's Wake

[JamesBelvoir]

"In fact only 6 people in the entire universe know that it is not the job of the president to wield power but rather to draw attention away from it"

[chipper]

Never hate your enemies. It affects your judgment. - Mario Puzo

Memory can change the shape of a room, it can change the color of a car. And memories can be distorted. They're just an interpretation, they're not a record. And they're irrelevant if you have the facts. - C. Nolan

[Tournesol]

Said a politician on our national news [Trinidad] on visiting merchant shops in downtown Port of Spain:

"We've come out today to meet with these people, to let them know we care; you see, you have to make these people feel as though they are important"
:rofl: Well said Mr Politician!

[Tournesol]

There's a local Trinidadian saying:

'What eh meet yuh, eh pass yuh.' [that's the local dialect]

In standard english now: 'what hasn't come your way as yet, hasn't necessarily gone past you'