how to get someone out of my head [Archive]

Shalot

06-12-2007, 06:05 PM

i am having serious issues getting my ex girlfriend out o fmy head, we've been broken up for about 9 months, i need some help, i am wanting to tear into my mind and rip that piece out to have some peace

Search for someone else. Lower your standards if you have to (but not for long of course).

But yeah, I understand how it is difficult to get over someone. You might not ever get her completely out of your head but at least make an effort. Ask someone else out. It doesn't matter if you're not totally head over heels for this new person, just do it. You might even be pleasantly surprised.

Get someone else and you should eventually stop thinking about her so much.

Or call her up crying and beg her to take you back. Then you will be so embarrassed that you will be forced to move on (but I don't really recommend this becaues then you'll be stuck with that memory).

the silent x

06-12-2007, 06:12 PM

how do i say this, i have trouble wiht people, i'm sort of anti-social, and i don't know to many girls that would consider going out with me. in fact, i only know one girl who i am friends with, and i think she already has a boyfriend,
i've actually considered calling her up and trying to figure out what went wrong, but then i think i might sound stalkerish.
i also ( as you can probably tell) a complete coward when it comes to women, would rather hide under a rock than ask one out, i almost passed out when my ex said she go with me to the movies.

kilted exile

06-12-2007, 06:14 PM

Question:
Was this your first gf (hard to tell cos no age in profile to help guess)?

Shalot

06-12-2007, 06:20 PM

Okay. I remember when I got dumped in high school. I was very upset. I ended up switching schools partly because of it.

Since I am not a guy I can't really relate to what you all go through. I think I only asked out one guy in my whole life and he said NO! :lol: (it's funny now but I felt like a doofus at the time. The rest of the time, either the guys asked me out or I had to somehow show the guy that I would not reject him if he did ask me out. That seemed to be the best approach.

More often than not, some girl would come up to me and tell me that so and so wanted to ask me out.

So, you don't have any girls for friends? Oh, wait, you said you had one girl for a friend. Is she a good friend? Maybe she can set you up with a few friends for some dates --- they probably won't go anywhere but you can at least try to have fun.

(That's the route the shy guys usually took).

motherhubbard

06-12-2007, 06:21 PM

In my opinion you will only find peace when you make peace with your relationship and its ending. By that I mean you must be able to say yes that was good, and that was bad, and that was life, now what have I gained or learned and what memories make me feel wonderful enough that I want to keep them. You sound so shy and reserved and I think that this does inhibit healing from lost love. When it is hard to see yourself with another, you can’t believe that you will ever be able to attempt to find another; you know that you will have to step out of your comfort zone to have another relationship then it is hard to move past. The truth is it isn’t appealing because it is hard work. It would be much easier to go back to the way things were even if they were not perfect.

So to get her out of your mind you must deal with the past and look to the future and have some self confidence. And you should, you’re a lovely person.

the silent x

06-12-2007, 06:22 PM

Question:
Was this your first gf (hard to tell cos no age in profile to help guess)?

yes it was

kilted exile

06-12-2007, 06:32 PM

In that case dont expect to actually forget her. Breaking up with all girls from here on out (and there will definitely be at least a few more) will be a lot easier however. Talking to girls as well isnt as hard as it seems, and you must have some things going for you or you wouldnt have got her to go out with you in the first place. The easiest way to get over her is to find someone else, its been 9months now and you just have to start getting on with your life.

Just dont call her whatever you do.

DeathAngel

06-12-2007, 06:33 PM

Oy Vay, hon that sucks, the best way is to simply fall for another, quick and easy;
otherwise find GOOD distractions for you, it will slowly fade with time, you just need to be patient (and learn how to cope with your "liking chics" feelings, it's hard but it helps)...
it's not wrong to still feel for her, time will le tit be
and with the other chic, seeming "stalker-ish" isn't that bad, you're giving yourself an excuse & you're also doubting yourself wuite alot, i dunno if that makes sense, but it doesn't hurt to try...
good luck,

motherhubbard

06-12-2007, 06:34 PM

In that case dont expect to actually forget her. Breaking up with all girls from here on out .

love that advice. This is what I told my daughter after that first crush. It really does make a difference to have some power.

kathycf

06-12-2007, 10:35 PM

I guess there is no easy answer. It is terribly hard to be shy...it might or might not help you to know that many girls are also very shy. It is hard to make the first move, but maybe you could talk to people who might have things in common with you? You are here, so I assume you enjoy reading...are there any girls that you think might also enjoy reading? It helps with conversation if you can talk about common interests. Maybe it might be easier to start off just by being friends with someone first and build from that.

Hard to say...really. I wish you well. :)

nomoredrama28

06-12-2007, 11:38 PM

kiobe

06-13-2007, 11:31 AM

i am having serious issues getting my ex girlfriend out o fmy head, we've been broken up for about 9 months, i need some help, i am wanting to tear into my mind and rip that piece out to have some peace

These things take time. Going out with "someone else" is a lame way to get over someone. When there is a loss ya have to deal with it. Replacing someone you have loved with a surrogate won't work. Ever lost a pet? If the pet was replaced it didn't diminish the love you had for your previous pet, did it? You have to look deep into yourself and allways ask WHY. And keep asking WHY until there are no more answers. Like walking through a maze, the anwsers to all the questions of WHY should bring you to a place where you can at the very least, accept the situation you are in, and there is peace in acceptance. Start with, WHY do I seem to need her so badly. When you answer that, TRUTHFULLY, ask yourself WHY to the answer you just gave yourself and do this until you can't answer the question WHY anymore because you've gone to deep. Then let the question rest for a couple days and ask it again. The key to this is, be honest with yourself and accept life as it comes. Everyone gets thier bike stolen, everyone gets thier heart broken. I am sorry this hurts you so badly but I promise you there will be a light at the end of the tunnel, ya just have to work at it constructively, ya know, at a different angle than heartbreak or pitty.

Turk

06-13-2007, 11:35 AM

Kill her, burn her, and throw her ashes to Ganges River.

kathycf

06-13-2007, 11:40 AM

Kill her, burn her, and throw her ashes to Ganges River.
Most assuredly...don't ever go to Turk for romantic advice....like ever. :eek: :cold: :eek:

...................... :p ;) ...........

Seriously, silent X, while not suggesting you replace this girl, I think it would be a great thing to try to come out of your shell and make some new friends. Not for romance, but friendships.

Countess

06-13-2007, 11:46 AM

These things take time. Going out with "someone else" is a lame way to get over someone.

Thank-you, Kiobe. I was thinking the exact same thing. People are not replacable items. When it breaks, it's not a matter of going out and purchasing a new one. We are not can-openers.

I remember my first time falling in love and the heart-break that followed - 8 months solid, drunk every weekend on my friends' couch whining "why did he leave me?" It was a horrible time, and so it is with you.

It took me longer than 8 months (it was progressive) and it will probably take you longer, but here I am 19 years later and it doesn't hurt anymore.

What you are going through is called grief - the death of a relationship can be as devastating as the death of a person. There are four stages: denial, anger, depression and acceptance. You will probably vascillate between them all (as I am doing now). It's important that you allow yourself to grieve and to feel the feelings without acting out on them.

But even as you experience them, you can be making choices to help heal your soul. A spiritual search for truth and love is beneficial, along with refocusing your energies onto developing and improving who you are. What are your goals in life? What do you want to do? What is your passion? Now is the time to spend some quality moments with yourself, pursuing these things.

I believe if you pursue your passion, and the purpose to which you've been called, you will achieve some contentment with yourself. I also believe this is very attractive to other people, and you might find that along the way you descover another female who is also interested in your passion, and you will pursue the common goal together.

Countess

06-13-2007, 11:49 AM

Kill her, burn her, and throw her ashes to Ganges River.

...in your imagination, and you might feel better. :lol:

BlueSkyGB

06-13-2007, 11:50 AM

Well put Countess:
was thinking along the same lines and how to reply when yours was posted.:)

SleepyWitch

06-13-2007, 02:13 PM

i agree with kiobe and Countess, people are not replaceable.
plus, if/when you* "get someone new" in order to get over a break-up, that's not fair on that person .. you might end up comparing her to your ex-gf or expecting her to be just like your ex-gf etc.
you'd constantly find fault with your new gf just because she's not (like) your ex-gf .
conversely, if she were to show the slightest trace of some kind of behaviour you didn't like in your first gf (e.g. something that hurt you), you might hit the ceiling and it would look like totally out of the blue to your new gf.

what I'm trying to say is, as long as you haven't drawn a line under your first relationship, you're not ready for a new one.
*i mean you as in "everyone"/"anyone", not you personally, X.

erhem, lots of times when you can't forget someone or can't get over a break-up it's because of low self-esteem... like you keep asking yourself "what's wrong with me?" or you think you're worthless or useless without that person.
I dunno if you feel like that, but if you do, maybe it helps to boost your confidence a bit... spend a lot of time doing something you're good at, like your fave type of sport or instrument, or you're fave subject...
set yourself aims and gradually increase the level you want to achieve.

kiobe

06-13-2007, 04:46 PM

Most assuredly...don't ever go to Turk for romantic advice....like ever. :eek: :cold: :eek:

...................... :p ;) ...........

Seriously, silent X, while not suggesting you replace this girl, I think it would be a great thing to try to come out of your shell and make some new friends. Not for romance, but friendships.

Silent X, Kathycf, sleepywitch and Countess are giving you very good advice. You will find that if you were to ask 100 people over the age of 40 if they would like to go back to the time of thier first real love, 98 percent would say NO! It is a very difficult time in everyones lives, so you're not alone here. The wierd thing is, when you finally feel good about yourself, that is when others around you will notice your confidence and become attracted to you for you. If you get a chance, watch the movie, "Swingers". There's a common thread in the movie that you will be able to relate to......and it's really funny. Just don't let yourself to go to the dark place. Do you have older bros or sisters? Would they be of any help?

Lote-Tree

06-13-2007, 04:54 PM

Kill her, burn her, and throw her ashes to Ganges River.

I see you have not got over your first girl friend dumping you ;-)

kiobe

06-13-2007, 04:55 PM

Kill her, burn her, and throw her ashes to Ganges River.

Sheesh! Anger issues Turk? Take a deep breath and remember she's someones daughter. Don't people bathe in the Ganges? Gross!

Lote-Tree

06-13-2007, 04:58 PM

i am having serious issues getting my ex girlfriend out o fmy head, we've been broken up for about 9 months, i need some help, i am wanting to tear into my mind and rip that piece out to have some peace

In time you shall overcome...it's not going to be easy. Best thing would be to occupy yourself with something else. A holiday, sport etc would be a good activity...

But remember this song line:

"I can't take my eyes off you...until I meet someone new..."...

applepie

06-13-2007, 07:04 PM

Kill her, burn her, and throw her ashes to Ganges River.

Very nice Turk :) But the same thought comes to my mind. Seriously, though, there isn't a good way to get them out. Finding someone new is always a good option, but if that isn't possible do something distracting like take an unplanned road trip or something else equally spontaneous and fun. It woeked wonders for me once. Granted mine was to decide to join the Air Force out of spite towards my on again off again honey. We're married now with 2 kids, but I was constantly chasing him off my mind my senior year of high-school. Yep... I have to really reccommend some major form of distraction. Just don't spend graduation money on a tatoo that didn't work to well as far a distractions went. The tat is still nice, though.

Shalot

06-13-2007, 07:11 PM

Thank-you, Kiobe. I was thinking the exact same thing. People are not replacable items. When it breaks, it's not a matter of going out and purchasing a new one. We are not can-openers.

Sometimes making new friends, and/or girlfriends is a good way to put your past relationship in perspective, especially when you're obsessing over someone nine months later. Maybe you can discuss it with them. Maybe they can distract you --- maybe it's not necessarily a new romantic relationship that you find. Maybe you find a new friend to hang out with for a while.

People come and go in life --- friends and girlfriends.

It's really not about jumping into a rebound relationship while still thinking about your old b/f or g/f. And you can always preface your new relationship/friendship with an explanation of how you're still getting over the old relationship. People should understand that! Especially since you are admittedly not as outgoing as maybe some people on this forum are. And there is nothing wrong with that and I think you will find that there are people who can relate to your situation.

the silent x

06-13-2007, 07:23 PM

ok, thanks, i'll take all your helpful information to heart, even turk's not in the literal or even figurative sense, in fact, i'll just throw that out of my mind

byquist

06-13-2007, 08:14 PM

See the early scene in Ben Hur between Marcellus and Ben Hur; well actually between Marcellus and Cassius, I think his name is. Cassius asks "How do you stamp out an idea?" And Marcellus says, "I'll tell you. With another idea." Only another g-friend will outshine the old flame. And there's no guarantee about that either. Some people you will never forget, so just acclimatize yourself to her existence in your memory and learn to live with it.

Shalot

06-13-2007, 08:23 PM

Shalot

06-13-2007, 09:00 PM

...in your imagination, and you might feel better. :lol:

Countess they have closed the thread where you posted your muscle woman pic and I meant to comment on it before that whole thread went to pot:

1) remind me not to get on your bad side because you could kick my butt
2) do you work out daily? Because I work out (too much in my opinion) and I am nowhere near in shape like that. Do you go to a gym? I go to a gym but I do this repetitive little workout, mainly just so that I don't get too fat... And I am not hiring a trainer because the people that get them get on the weight machines and get really into their work outs and make these embarrassing grunting noises and you would think something indecent was going on. So in short, do you know any easy ways to get in shape? :D

dramasnot6

06-14-2007, 04:05 AM

First ask yourself if it is the girl you miss or just having a girlfriend? Sometimes it is hard to tell between the two. If you still love/really like this girl, be assured that everyone has a horrible time getting over their first love. It stays with you forever, but time will heal this, you just have to aid it by finding new things in your life to occupy your thoughts/time. Meeting new friends, or if you are ready a new girlfriend, is a good way to start.
If you miss having a girlfriend, this is also very understandable. It is really nice to have someone you love there for you, and the best advice i can offer without knowing further details is the cliche but true "There are other fish in the sea".

kilted exile

06-14-2007, 02:38 PM

Bah Humbug.

I am in complete agreement with Shalot here. It's been 9months already enough wallowing in self pity time to get out again and start living. Perpetuating a cycle of woe is me is not a good thing & you need to learn how to accept break ups in a healthy manner.

applepie

06-14-2007, 02:39 PM

First ask yourself if it is the girl you miss or just having a girlfriend? Sometimes it is hard to tell between the two. If you still love/really like this girl, be assured that everyone has a horrible time getting over their first love. It stays with you forever, but time will heal this, you just have to aid it by finding new things in your life to occupy your thoughts/time. Meeting new friends, or if you are ready a new girlfriend, is a good way to start.

Great point. All too often it is the having someone there we miss instead of the person to whom we have attatched these feelings. If it is love and the person is what you miss it will really just take time. Eventually memories of that first love fade but, at least in my case, you always wonder what could have been until you find that one person who is perfect for you. Then all the past just sort of fades away. I think everyone can remember how hard it is to get over your first love, but it really does happen.

BibliophileTRJ

06-14-2007, 03:32 PM

Frontal Lobotomy?

Just a thought.

J A S M I N E S

06-14-2007, 09:16 PM

we miss what the person do in our life ; not the person :)

kiobe

06-15-2007, 02:39 PM

we miss what the person do in our life ; not the person :)

Do you mean the interaction? I've lost most of my family and miss them all for the same reason. Being able to interact with them, even if it's just sitting there reading a magazine or seeing a movie where there's no obvious interaction.

Lote-Tree

06-15-2007, 02:44 PM

Frontal Lobotomy?

If that was safe enough and available on the NHS (or was on the health insurance) how many would take that option I wonder... :-)

Turk

06-15-2007, 02:56 PM

...in your imagination, and you might feel better. :lol:

I actually did it, that's why Ganges River is one of the most corrupted rivers of the world.:lol:

I see you have not got over your first girl friend dumping you ;-)

No girl dumped me. It will never happen.:)

Sheesh! Anger issues Turk? Take a deep breath and remember she's someones daughter. Don't people bathe in the Ganges? Gross!

Well, so what!? I am someone's son too and her parents should feel the pain to bringing an evil girl like that!:lol:

Lote-Tree

06-15-2007, 02:59 PM

No girl dumped me. It will never happen.:)

Well a boy then :D

kiobe

06-15-2007, 03:06 PM

I actually did it, that's why Ganges River is one of the most corrupted rivers of the world.:lol:

No girl dumped me. It will never happen.:)

Well, so what!? I am someone's son too and her parents should feel the pain to bringing an evil girl like that!:lol:
Yea, you have to actually go out with a girl first.
Your universe is an anthropomorphic picture of yourself.
Yes, you are someones son, but we're talking about SilentX, not you.

Turk

06-15-2007, 03:09 PM

No ma'am i don't have any anthropomorphic picture of myself, but if you want i can send you a signed picture of me which was taken at seaside.

kiobe

06-15-2007, 03:14 PM

No ma'am i don't have any anthropomorphic picture of myself, but if you want i can send you a signed picture of me which was taken at seaside.

That would be ,Sir and no thanks. Do I have to explain anthropomorphic to you?

Turk

06-15-2007, 03:14 PM

Ah, i hate edited posts, then i have to repost posts edited to respond the post before my post, understand? If you gonna write something try to think what to write in 5 minutes, when you change your post 5 mins later, then it's a problem.:lol:

That would be ,Sir and no thanks. Do I have to explain anthropomorphic to you?

Ok sir. Why not? If you have a dictionary.:lol:

kiobe

06-15-2007, 03:19 PM

Ok sir. Why not? If you have a dictionary.:lol:

Don't need one, got this from my 12 year old son's english class. It means man shaped, shaped like a man. Your universe is shaped like a man that looks like you.:lol:

Turk

06-15-2007, 03:22 PM

Don't need one, got this from my 12 year old son's english class. It means man shaped, shaped like a man. Your universe is shaped like a man that looks like you.:lol:

Oh reaaaallly? So Americans even knows English words ha, that's so impressive.:lol:

kiobe

06-15-2007, 03:26 PM

Oh reaaaallly? So Americans even knows English words ha, that's so impressive.:lol:

Thanks, not bad for a 7th grader, ehh?

Mortis Anarchy

06-15-2007, 10:48 PM

the silent x

06-15-2007, 11:10 PM

Hmmm...silent x...I'm not sure what guys do...I eat Ben and Jerry's and watch An Affair to Remember or read books that make me forget about it. I only did this twice. It worked! Uhh, I guess what I mean is just throw yourself into a hobby that you like and focus more on the relationships that will always be there. Like a good friend. Or just go a check out some girls?!? That helps a lot too...I do that! I don't really know what else to say. I guess it must have been pretty serious. Mine weren't very serious. I don't think I really liked them very much. Hopefully my advice will help you a little. The best thing to do is to accept it and not to dwell on it.

i did something like that without thinking about it, it didn't get rid of the memory completely, but, working on a particularly challenging puzzle brought my emotional, spiritual, and physical self all back into equilibrium,

for all who have posted that it might be the actual having a girlfriend thing that i'm misiing, i think it's actually the girl that i miss, unless you can put her thought process and her personality into another body, i think that it was mainly her, i heard/read somewhere that everybody in the world has a twin, i think it's doubleganger syndrome, i hope i find her twin though. someone correct me on the twin thing.

also, let's expand the thread to be anybody who is having trouble in the aftermath of a relationship.

dramasnot6

06-15-2007, 11:14 PM

emotional eating and crying at Casablanca is what is currently doing it for me.
Good idea silent x, a pity party thread may help.

mtpspur

06-16-2007, 01:43 AM

Lost loves and relationships--my life has been filled with them. I must clarify that not for a minute should you grieve a loss longer then it's healthy--I literally wasted years over situations and relationships that were past any control (not sure I like that word but can't think of a more appropriate one--I want free will love not got to type). I may have had and know I was missing out on probably better opportunities for satisfying relations be they friends, lovers etc. Had to do a LOT of growing up--still working at that. I would grieve up to the point where you detect a bit of dislike which will ripen to hate if you aren't careful and stop there--thank God for the part they played in your growth and move on. (or read Avengers comics--always helps me.)

nomoredrama28

06-17-2007, 03:45 AM

Kill her, burn her, and throw her ashes to Ganges River.

hhahahahahahaha :D good advice.

Mortis Anarchy

06-17-2007, 09:23 PM

emotional eating and crying at Casablanca is what is currently doing it for me.
Good idea silent x, a pity party thread may help.

Classic movies and good food makes heartache better. The other day, I met this really great guy. I was totally into him...then he asks me for my phone number and he says he will call me. Yay! But then this very afternoon I see him at the same bookstore with his GIRLFRIEND! How akward is that! Its all good though, Anthony Quinn makes it all better.;)

Kill her, burn her, and throw her ashes to Ganges River.

Thats pretty intense...haha! Wow, replace the her with him and I'm in!:p