View Full Version : Lymerick

Pages : [1] 2 3 4

05-01-2004, 08:28 PM
What would you people say to a, I dont, A LYMERICK!
With the tanka tank and the haiku woo woo I figured a little lymerick action to ease people into poetry and lighten the mood a little would do alot for those late nights and depressing days. Huh? How about it?

There once was a kid from a farm,
Who really loved causing me harm.
He blew up my car,
Which was going too far
And thats when he tore off my arm. :eek:

See! Its funny cuz its sadistic! Black Humor! Yay! Emily, hit me with a good 'rick... :D

05-02-2004, 01:06 AM
Oh no, I suck at these. :p Oh well...

I once met a man with three feet
Whose tap dancing couldn't be beat.
Ten times in a row
The right crushed the left toe,
While the third turned them both to chopped meat.

LoL How's that for graphic? :D

05-02-2004, 01:11 AM
Haha, cool.

05-02-2004, 01:58 PM
I knew you could do it! :)

There once was a man from milwaukee
who impulsively played too much hockey
He never played much
and his skating was such
That he usually sat on the bench talking.

05-03-2004, 05:14 AM
I'll regret posting this later, but I'm bored, and really... what's a limerick thread without something naughty? :D

There once was a girl from Alsace,
Who was quite a rude little lass.
Out with a gent who
Whispered, "What shall I do?"
She turned and replied . . .

. . . "Fill my glass." ;)

05-03-2004, 11:31 AM
That was FUNNY!!! I THOUGHT IT WAS GUNNAH SAY **** MY ***!!!

05-03-2004, 09:17 PM
:rolleyes: My grandfather has a huge yellow book of just dirty limericks. But I'm ashamed to say that one was mine. The baser side of the great Irish literary heritage. :D :D

05-05-2004, 03:28 AM
There once was a little brown rabbit
who fed off the fat of an abbot
his dead body was found
scattered all on the gound
till the police started searching and nabbed it.

05-05-2004, 05:23 AM
There once was a girl called Sally
she lived most her life in an alley
she climbed up a tree
got stung by a bee
and ran all the way to the valley

Its not very good, but well it made me laugh!
Keep smiling...Hannah

05-09-2004, 09:54 PM
Clarabelle snuffed it at five
While playing at rockets with Clive.
Said he, "won't it be fun
to fly up to the sun?. . . . . .

. . . Oh, damn. Why don't they ever survive?"

05-10-2004, 02:18 AM
It's a sign emily, clearly the fate of humans is doomed, especailly children.

05-28-2004, 06:46 PM
Forty-two buckets of lard
Got dumped in the back of my yard.
It's a myst'ry to me
Who the culprit could be,
But then I haven't looked very hard.

05-28-2004, 06:54 PM
Amalgamate kittens with mice --
The result will be ever so nice --
Knead together the fluff
With the rest of the stuff
And then pound it all down once or twice.

05-30-2004, 12:51 AM
It pains me to write this down:
I think I just murdered a clown.
Accident though it was,
I regret it because
I missed seeing him hit the ground.

05-30-2004, 01:05 AM
Hahahaha, clever that last line was.

Twas a little known town
whence came that clown
and terribly sad
is the mom and dad
that he will no longer come 'round.

05-30-2004, 01:20 AM
For he scared all the vermin away,
And kept trick-or-treaters at bay.
"Now that he is gone
They will ruin our lawn,"
Cried bereaved Mother Clown in dismay.

05-30-2004, 01:57 AM
And poor loving clown dad
knew that he had been had
when the casket came
and the bearer was lame
so he found the dead was no lad.

For clown though he was
he loved his fellow 'cuz
and changed his sex
to that of Tess
For she was much easier to luv.

05-30-2004, 02:02 AM
:lol: Hahaha....ah... That's good.

05-30-2004, 05:21 PM
"I suspected it all from day one,"
said Tess's dad to Tess's mum,
"But I don't give a damn
If he's woman or man;
I love my dead gay son!"

(I just wanted to say that. :D)

05-31-2004, 01:25 AM
A nice end to the saga of the gay clown.

05-31-2004, 03:09 PM
Much appreciated. Now I want my eulogy written in limerick, too. :D

06-01-2004, 02:55 AM
In memeory of Tess:

Tess the clown has passed away
he never had that much to say
sorrow was what he faced
and with humour he was laced
but now in heaven he is openly gay.

06-01-2004, 06:52 AM
There once was a forum refined
Where ladies and gents wined and dined
A random hero came
Said let´s start a game
Now it seems we have all have dirty minds.


06-01-2004, 03:48 PM
Hey, no one told me there was wining and dining. Where's my food, damnit? :p

There's a member named Em on the Forum,
Who, without any proper decorum,
Posts replies way too much,
Leaves not one thread untouched;
But what can I say? I adore 'em. :D

06-01-2004, 05:01 PM
There once was a wee Isagel
who just couldn´t rhyme very well
though she did try her best
she flunked every test
and never did learn how to spell.

06-02-2004, 08:48 AM
AP - with a name somewhat shady
was often confused for a lady
not many believed
such a thing was conceived -
a MAN who thinks intelligent daily!

atiguhya padma
06-02-2004, 09:44 AM
Geez Isagel,

Complimenting me by insulting the whole of the male sex! I'm flattered - I think!:)

06-02-2004, 10:00 AM
You´re most welcome.

atiguhya padma
06-03-2004, 12:17 PM
To all those whose words come here to trade
Please view these humble letters displayed
And let it be said
These words would be dead
Had not Isagel bid them be made

06-07-2004, 05:47 AM

Thank you.

atiguhya padma
06-07-2004, 05:50 AM
You're most welcome.


06-14-2004, 08:14 PM
Why not join all the rest in the bucket?
If a problem confronts you, just duck it.
Follow your leader,
parasitic feeder;
If the world gets blown up, I say ....

atiguhya padma
06-24-2004, 10:34 AM
Alex Pope penned a good ditty or two
Like “I am his Highness’ dog at Kew;”
Which he etched on a tag
Beneath which the Great Wag
Wrote this: “Pray tell me, sir, whose dog are you?”

06-24-2004, 10:52 AM
ooohhhh AP, i love that. i have yet to write a decent limerick, but i truly love yours. neat.

EDIT: not to offend anyone by their exclusion, please.

atiguhya padma
06-24-2004, 10:57 AM
Thanks VBM!!

06-25-2004, 12:59 AM
Why haven't I found this thread before? I know a million of these. Em, I think my Irish Grandpappy had the same lymerick book that your Irish Grandpappy had.

OK, OK, OK, so most of the lymericks that I know will get me tossed out of this site; but here's one of my favorites, and I think it might make it past the vulgarity police:

there once was a caveman named Ug
who stuck his plug in a jug
He said with a shrug
as he gave it a tug
now ain't that a helluva fug

06-26-2004, 02:21 AM
LMAO Are you sure about that? :D
Now is that a recitation, or is it your own masterpiece? ;)

06-29-2004, 02:18 PM
Not original, got it out of Granpappy’s book.

Here’s an original:

There was a web surfer named Emily
Who could turn out a pretty good simile
She went off to college
To get some more knowledge
And commit some more stuff to her memory

Ouch! What a groaner.

One more:

There once was a lass named Em’
Who web surfed with startling Zen
She’s smarter than Sanch’
Who can’t even dance
Yet this fall they’ll both probably vote Dem’

OK, I’m gonna quit now.

07-01-2004, 05:42 PM
LOL :D I like it! It's almost like they stick to the original idea...how do you do that? ;)

07-01-2004, 10:26 PM
Hah, uhhh, donno. It just came to me; like a flash, like a vision, burnt across my brain.

Pretty much, I was using up all of my brain bytes just thinking of words that rhymed.

07-14-2004, 10:33 PM
Hey I found a great one for all of you grammarphobes out there or is it their or is it they're...

They seem to have taken on airs
They're ever so rude with their stares
They get there quite late
There's a hand in your plate
And they're eating what's not even theirs

07-15-2004, 05:35 AM
Hehehe. I likes it. :D

07-15-2004, 07:22 PM
I don't know who wrote this..but it wern't me!

The other day upon the stair,
I met a man that wasn't there,
He wasn't there again today,
I wish that man would go away

08-03-2005, 04:51 PM
hey all, i'm new here, i love ur lymericks !

ok, ok here it goes...ahum....be prepared :idea:

There once was a hermit named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in his cave. :sick:
She smelled like sh1t,
And was missing a tit.
But think of the money he saved.

06-07-2007, 08:13 PM
A sasquatch with fleas in his fur
Scratched so fast that his hands were a blur;
He had hair when he started,
But soon it departed,
Then 'twas obvious "he" was a "her"!

06-07-2007, 08:15 PM
Here's one of my favorite limericks, I don't know the author, though:

A flea and a fly in a flue
Were imprisoned, so what could they do?
Said the fly, "let us flee!"
"Let us fly!" said the flea.
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.

06-07-2007, 08:22 PM
I've only just realized how old this thread is - maybe I can stimulate a continuance of it?

An artist, named Dorian Gray,
Tried hard to keep old age at bay;
He created, with oils,
A picture that spoils,
Instead of his own sad decay!

Il Penseroso
06-08-2007, 03:32 AM
There was a man who wanted to spit
he just didn't have patience to sit
so saliva he mustered
and the sidewalk grew lustered
as asphalt turned to yellow brick.

ahhh terrible, but fun

Methinks Virgil would like this thread. Where is he?

And I just learned that antiguyha is a guy, I always thought he was female for some reason. Weird how that sort of thing works around here.

06-08-2007, 12:39 PM
there once was a fairy named Niamh
who had one too many tricks up her sleeve.
But the elves they were faster
covered her feet in quick drying plaster
she could do nothing but drag them and heave.

i think thats the first one i've ever written!

06-08-2007, 03:54 PM
I've never tried one either, I must be a total loser at this lol.
Okay here's my attempt:

Find someone, one who dares
to endure life's worst nightmares--
a barky mother
a jerky brother
and ultra-thick cerebral layers.

Yeah I AM a total loser at this!! :lol:

06-08-2007, 04:12 PM
Well, Ideally, limericks should be somewhat baudy, or even naughty, but I'm unsure what the standards are here, so I'm hesitant to really let 'em fly.

06-08-2007, 04:28 PM
if i'm not mistaken, the standards are pretty much same here.

06-08-2007, 06:29 PM
there once was a babe that was happy!
His face was cute, round and bappy.
but his tummy did churn,
it was taking a turn,
thank god for his bright white nappy!

06-08-2007, 06:57 PM
To all fellow geeks on this forum:
You members of grace and decorum,
I found this great place,
full of fun and good grace,
And I joined and I stuck to this forum!

*groan* Would you believe I worked all afternoon on that? The last line...sigh.

06-09-2007, 05:00 AM
To all fellow geeks on this forum:
You members of grace and decorum,
I found this great place,
full of fun and good grace,
And I joined and I stuck to this forum!

*groan* Would you believe I worked all afternoon on that? The last line...sigh.

Maybe you could say "And i joined and i stuck due to boredom!":p

06-09-2007, 03:52 PM
if i'm not mistaken, the standards are pretty much same here.

Uh...the same as what?

06-09-2007, 06:16 PM
limericks should be somewhat baudy, or even naughty, but I'm unsure what the standards are here, so I'm hesitant to really let 'em fly.

if i'm not mistaken, the standards are pretty much same here.

She is saying its the same here.:)

06-09-2007, 07:59 PM
What, that limericks should be baudy? Are we allowed to post such? If so, I've got a few y'all might enjoy.

06-10-2007, 02:57 AM
thanks Niamh, for helping me out in there, i'm sorry i didnt check this thread earlier to answer Unbeliever.

If so, I've got a few y'all might enjoy.
Shoot right away! I'm sure we'll all enjoy ur limericks :)

06-10-2007, 03:10 PM
there once was a young lad named mark,
who thought that he sung like a lark!
he opened his mouth,
and started to shout
and everyone ran from the park!

06-11-2007, 04:41 PM
thanks Niamh, for helping me out in there, i'm sorry i didnt check this thread earlier to answer Unbeliever.

Shoot right away! I'm sure we'll all enjoy ur limericks :)

OK, you asked for it!

Here's one that I didn't write, but it's been a favorite of mine for a long time:

A crusty old whore, named Louise
Had ****-hair that hung to her knees;
So the crabs in her twat
Tied the hair in a knot,
And constructed a flying trapeze!

Here's one of my own devising:

Just a pint of his golden elixir,
And perhaps just a wee bit of mixer,
He'll be ready for sex,
With lingual effects,
'Cause 'is lady just loves when 'e licks 'er!

06-12-2007, 07:47 PM
I'm Patrick O'Shaunessy, lass!
My class you could never surpass:
Whenever I'm fishin',
I'm not just a-wishin',
I catch brobdignagian bass!

06-12-2007, 07:50 PM
This one doesn't have the right meter to be called a limerick, but I like it;

When Willam of Ockham invented his Razor
(For debating his wife, and to daze and amaze 'er),
He gave us a tool,
And an arguing rule
That slices redundancies just like a laser!

07-30-2007, 03:33 AM
We could be accused of being a bit of a mopey bunch here at Lit-net! The site is filled with very beautiful, well written, largely angst-ridden poetry. So I say, enough of that! How about some comedy?

Limericks are easy, generally rude and a good bit of fun. Share a moment of sunshine here, add a limerick, make us laugh!

I'll start with my very poor effort.

There once was a woman from France
who did an incredible dance
her feet flew like flies
confounding the eyes
enchanting us into a trance!

Your turn........

07-30-2007, 05:18 AM
A limerick Bii asks us to write,
Turn aside words that take flight
Do think instead
a few rhymes ahead...
And no need to be so polite!

07-30-2007, 07:46 AM
The soprano, she loved to sing high
But some of the notes made us cry
She'd take a deep breath
And scare us to death
An altos modus operandi?

07-30-2007, 07:53 AM
There was a young lass from England
Who fancied a bit of a fling and,
Being bright-eyed,
She cast her net wide
Calling Come and play ring-around-the-ringland!

07-30-2007, 08:03 AM
A rhymester I am, not a prude,
So, Madam, if I may be crude,
Let’s you and I dally
In some dark alley
Assuming, of course, you’ve the mood?

07-30-2007, 08:16 AM
Why, yes sir, I'm quite in the mood
And I hope I do not appear lewd
But a romp in the hay
Would sure be okay
To deny me would be very rude

07-30-2007, 08:22 AM
He he he, I'm smiling already :)

There once was an old man named Joe
who's wife was incredibly slow
so he slapped her backside
so much that she cried,
and left her cheeks brightly aglow!

07-30-2007, 11:38 AM
A Cockney once said to 'is mate,
"Gor Blimey, d'ya see that bloke's face?
"Looked a bit loike a piggie's arse!"
His bud said "Yer drunk again, auld horse,
'T'aint a winder yer see, but a merryor, fust place!"


07-30-2007, 01:08 PM
Limericks are a lot of fun. I once submitted this Limirick sequence in one of the Picture Poetry Contests, in the original thread. Here it is again. I hope you like it. The original version was a little bawdier, but this is bawdy too.

Ballooning Limericks


The day for ballooning was here
And Jack brought Jill for a beer
But lines got all tangled
And balloons were all mangled
And Jill thought Jack was a queer.


Jack talked Jill into the hoop
He thought he finally got the scoop
Up went the balloon
Jack smelling like a saloon
Jack thinking Jill was a dupe.


When high up in the air
Jack made his intentions clear
He swore and was crude
And was exceptionally rude
Decided it was time to be bare.


When Jill blew her gasket
She said that was no mascot
And closing her fist
And swinging her wrist
Pushed Jack right out of the basket.


The police got a thrill
When they questioned poor Jill
Of the body they found
With no trousers around
How Jack was found on the hill.

07-30-2007, 03:41 PM
Virgil, I saw this one back in the Picture Poetry contest once, while checking the earlier pages... loved it back then, love it till now. :D

By the way I thought there was already a thread for limericks? Well I guess it fell a bit low lately but I did see another thread for limericks once.

Anyway, limericks are fun to write
Its funny baudy and pretty light
The idea's cool
Long live dear Bii's noodle.
Wonder if this thread can keep me up tonight! *yawn*

07-30-2007, 03:46 PM
well that last thing didnt quite qualify as a limerick now did it?! :(

but well...
Its hard to think of a thing with yawns uproaring
The bed right now seems so warm and welcoming
But once I get up
Mom’ll beat me up
Into a pulp thinking I just quit studying!

07-30-2007, 04:03 PM
Virgil, I saw this one back in the Picture Poetry contest once, while checking the earlier pages... loved it back then, love it till now. :D

By the way I thought there was already a thread for limericks? Well I guess it fell a bit low lately but I did see another thread for limericks once.

Anyway, limericks are fun to write
Its funny baudy and pretty light
The idea's cool
Long live dear Bii's noodle.
Wonder if this thread can keep me up tonight! *yawn*

Thanks Symph. Glad you liked it. :)

07-30-2007, 04:41 PM
Virgil gets lots of kicks
By writing his limericks
He's really quite clever
By writing whatever
Look out for his bag of tricks.

07-30-2007, 08:05 PM
Virgil gets lots of kicks
By writing his limericks
He's really quite clever
By writing whatever
Look out for his bag of tricks.

:lol: Thanks.

07-31-2007, 07:22 AM
A limerick’s a fine if sometimes filthy thing,
the desire for a romp, a roll in the hay, a fling
the words pour out,
a lascivious shout
by someone who’d much rather spring than sing.

07-31-2007, 01:23 PM
Today's been a real rubbish day
my mood has been gloomy and grey
but work is now done
and it's time for fun
so I'm off to have a good play!

08-01-2007, 01:36 PM
Guess I'll chance it or maybe "luck" it
To toss a limerick into the bucket.
A risque kind of verse
Going from bad to worse--
(At least I stayed far from Nantucket.)


08-01-2007, 01:41 PM
Guess I'll chance it or maybe "luck" it
To toss a limerick into the bucket.
A risque kind of verse
Going from bad to worse--
(At least I stayed far from Nantucket.)

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

08-01-2007, 04:29 PM
There once was a girl named Chaney
Who really was quite brainy
Everyday she would read
Whatever she pleased
Then run outside and act quite zany

A beautiful girl named Bailey
Primped with her hair almost daily
Then with her clothes and her shoes
It was so hard to choose
She just stayed home and played ukulele

08-01-2007, 04:52 PM
The granny of Chaney and Bayley
loved each of them more than the other.
"Now, how can that be?
And what about me?
Cried their still somewhat youthful mother.

What, Bayley don't rhyme with "other"?
Neither does bread with butter.
Only a fool
always stick to the rule,
and just watch how I end with So, sue me!

08-15-2007, 03:49 PM
"A limerick is furtive and mean
You must keep her in close quarantine.
Or she sneaks to the slums
And promptly becomes
Disorderly, drunk and obscene."

Today I found limerick as a means to condemn myself...
Its a good way to laugh at or upon... onself...
...gives a sense of accomplishment to make people laugh.
(though one can do that even without someone else's efforts)

08-15-2007, 03:51 PM
To start... with...

There is a gentleman from Mumbai
Dreams of going places in this world
Thinks he is an absurd hero
Nothing but absolute zero
a perfect paradigm of a dumb guy

08-15-2007, 03:55 PM
...came across the very popular limericks by the very Edward Lear "Nonsense Alphabet" which goes like...

A was an Area Arch
Where washerwomen sat;
They made a lot of lovely starch
To starch Papa's cravat.

B was a Bottle blue,
Which was not very small;
Papa he filled it full of beer,
And then he drank it all.

C was Papa's gray Cat,
Who caught a squeaky Mouse
She pulled him by his twirly tail
All about the house.

D was Papa's white Duck,
Who had a curly tail;
One day it ate a great fat frog,
Besides a leetle snail.

...and so on till

Z was a Zebra striped
And streaked with lines of black;
Papa said once, he thought he'd like
A ride upon his back.


08-15-2007, 05:53 PM
I thought a limerick was five lines?

08-15-2007, 06:08 PM
I always end up saying Limerick like "Lime - Rick"


08-15-2007, 07:17 PM
There once was a man who liked fishing
He fished like he was on a mission
Once while he was away
His wife she did play
When he came home she was missing

08-16-2007, 02:49 AM
how are clerihews different?
are they of four lines then...?

08-16-2007, 03:54 PM
how are clerihews different?
are they of four lines then...?

Four lines is correct.
A Clerihew is a humorous, "pseudo-biographical" ditty invented by Edmund Clerihew Bentley. As a young lad he came up with the idea when he was trying to avoid doing his homework. The name of the subject, usually a celebrity, appears at the end of Line One. (So you're more likely to find a Clerihew about someone whose name is easy to rhyme, like Donald Trump or Condoleeza Rice say, as opposed to David Ignatow or Zbignew Brzezenski.)
Here’s a couple, which like Law and Order plots, are ripped off today’s headlines:

Like a veggie out of the can, that Scooter “Libby”
Essentially scot-free from being all fibby,
He’s still driving a Bentley (not a Jeep)?
I guess it pays to be pals with The Veep.

Way down in the ratings, Ms Couric, Katie,
Gussied up for the news, all flirty and date-y,
Putting sober(?) CBS execs into a lather,
Consoled, at least, that she’s not Dan Rather.

07-31-2008, 05:34 PM
I can't claim this one as my own, but it is one of my favorite limericks. (Yes, I'm a bit of a nerd)

(12 + 144 + 20 + 3 ∙ √4) ∕ 7 + 5 ∙ 11 = 9² + 0

A dozen, a gross, and a score,
plus three times the square root of four,
divided by seven,
plus five times eleven,
is nine squared and not a bit more.

01-12-2009, 09:16 AM
Words as coy ambassadors
Sparking wry and fancy mores
Drive to distraction
A bated retraction
A limited stay on wars.

01-12-2009, 09:34 AM
There once was a puzzle most addled
That crossed many lusties that battled.
It fazed their behinds
And made them maligneds
And known for the way that they prattled.

01-25-2009, 12:27 AM
There once was a flower named Maisie,
A cornflower sweet as a daisy.
She spread out her leaves
When some hummingbird divas
Sat down and groaned good and lazy.

07-12-2009, 06:09 PM
there once was a 'roo
witha piece of bamboo
and everytime he would round
the bamboo dragging would sound
and scare the poor 'roo anew.


07-21-2009, 01:12 PM
Oh, i have no shame......

There once was a girl so in love
especially when her lover was above
not a word she could speak
while biting the sheets
since the couple fit as too small of a glove

08-09-2009, 12:19 AM
this is terrible:

there once was a man named red
who couldnt get out of his bed
he often needed to pee
and would release with glee
now his wife cursed the day they were wed

08-12-2009, 01:42 PM
okya this is the last really bad one...no more after this
my friend made me do it

da da dit da dit ta taa da
is what i said when i took off her bra
with my head in a spin
i was ready to put it right in
but then she started reciting marital law

08-14-2009, 06:15 AM
there once was a vegan named hugh
who picked up the wrong sandwich to chew
he took a big bite
and screamed out in fright

The Walker
08-20-2009, 07:29 PM
I can't claim this one as my own, but it is one of my favorite limericks. (Yes, I'm a bit of a nerd)

oh my! good one! i really liked this one, very clever :D

08-30-2009, 06:58 PM
The queens first Indian rifles
Got into a bit of a trifle,
When on the rounds,
They stumbled and found,
A minefield less then delightful

09-22-2009, 10:12 PM
Off of the top of my head...

You know that gent named Jack?
He seems to have come back.
He went down South,
and they fixed his mouth
with a chisel and a WHACK!

09-22-2009, 10:18 PM
Remind me to pencil in an hour or two later to be horribly offended by all this...:)

09-23-2009, 08:36 PM
I scribbled this one down in psychology class...

I wish eye was blew
You wish ewe as two
An Robin Lou
End Stasis Où
Wash thé wan Oz to.

A bit absurd, perhaps, but I like it. Nonsense verse is very nice.

10-03-2009, 07:18 AM
There once was a man for East Mocking
Who bowels were simply not working--
So he bout a strong laxative.
Really quite relaxative
Now he has to replace bathroom flooring!


10-24-2009, 01:34 PM
There was a man from Frankfurt
Who instead of water, drank dirt
He once drank a lot
when he choked on a rock
Now he no longer lives in Frankfurt


10-30-2010, 02:20 PM
There once was a lady named Jane
With an ax in her hand. For your pain,
Should you get her in bed,
That ax goes through your head.
She likes guys who have got half a brain.

Happy Halloween! :)

10-31-2010, 03:21 AM
There once was a zombie with brains:
His angst that sad fact quite explains.
Whilst his peers hunted head
He lay sulking in bed
Upset at their mindless refrains.

Silas Thorne
10-31-2010, 03:28 AM
Excellent Halloween limerick. Well done! :) 'Brains!!!'

10-31-2010, 06:32 AM
There was an old ghoul from Dundee
Whose Halloween parties were free
Though those who attended
Were often suspended
Before being eaten for tea.

10-31-2010, 02:00 PM
Through the park after dark Billy goes,
Draws his sword when a wild werewolf shows.
That sweet maiden he'd save
Was the main course and gave
Billy gas from the hot sauce he chose.

Silas Thorne
11-15-2010, 09:01 PM
There once was a woman called Mabel
Whose man was remarkably able,
He ravaged his wife
Till she said, ‘On my life,
we must stop, or we’ll fall off the table.’

11-16-2010, 11:55 PM
There once was an angel named Tess
Who wore a sheer radiant dress
So those devils could see
All they want all for free
To make sure that their minds stay a mess.

02-21-2011, 06:36 PM
When the bubble had doubled Jim knew
That the bursting would come. Still it grew.
Well, Jim bought at the top
And then watched it all drop.
He got out when it bottomed out, too.

03-16-2011, 05:09 PM
The sunbeams are strings on my fiddle.
I play you an intricate riddle
Of sweet little tunes
On gay afternoons
And chord with the chickadee's whistle.

03-17-2011, 09:46 AM
The sunbeams are strings on my fiddle.
I play you an intricate riddle
Of sweet little tunes
On gay afternoons
And chord with the chickadee's whistle.
Nice one, moonbird! It is a challenge to write a limerick that is not filled with crude humor. :)

Here's an attempt I made to write something more serious. I hope to read more of yours!

After the Big Bang

It pops out of nothing -- so bright!
The universe sparkles at night.
During day it's fine, too.
Let's give praise our lives through,
Giving thanks for the present of light.

03-17-2011, 02:18 PM
Nice one, moonbird! It is a challenge to write a limerick that is not filled with crude humor. :)

Here's an attempt I made to write something more serious. I hope to read more of yours!

After the Big Bang

It pops out of nothing -- so bright!
The universe sparkles at night.
During day it's fine, too.
Let's give praise our lives through,
Giving thanks for the present of light.

Well, this is very optimistic! Not at all what I was expecting. Normally when I think of an oscillating universe as a "trapping", it becomes quite hellish in the metaphysical sense. To each, to each.

03-17-2011, 07:30 PM
Well, this is very optimistic! Not at all what I was expecting. Normally when I think of an oscillating universe as a "trapping", it becomes quite hellish in the metaphysical sense. To each, to each.
Thanks, deryk! :)

I think Buddhists would agree with you about being trapped in eternal reincarnations, that is, eternal opportunities for suffering and death. But I'm not a Buddhist so I don't know. Anyway I tried to look at it differently here.

06-16-2011, 10:04 PM
A pirate, history relates
Was scuffling with some of his mates
When he slipped on a cutlass
Which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates

teeheee funny

07-02-2011, 07:11 AM
There once was an angel who thought
That with devils she best not get caught.
She was caught nonetheless
In the usual mess
Not doing what good angels ought.

Greta Kin
07-06-2011, 03:16 PM
Not doing what good angels ought
Her balance of good deeds was naught.
Till one day a whaler
won her from a sailor.
She dazzled with all she'd been taught.

07-07-2011, 09:08 AM
When the angel and sailors were done,
Her hot devils got jealous and one
Sank the boat with a wave,
But the sailors were brave
So in heaven continue their fun.

Jack of Hearts
07-12-2011, 11:52 PM
Here's a story so genuinely true
you'll feel like you already knew:
I've an appendage so grand
it's quite out of hand
so I keep it tucked down in my shoe.


08-17-2011, 09:20 PM
There once was a dragon named Joe
Who survived a brave knight's ready blow
When the damsel came out
Flaming curses about,
Freaked the knight, made the horse bolt and go.

03-03-2012, 12:15 AM
Evening Entertainment

There once was a dragon named Joe
And a damsel who wandered in, so
There's a knight coming, too.
When the battle is through,
They will bow. We will clap at the show.

04-12-2012, 08:46 AM
Cunning Hera made Herakles mad
Till he killed all he loved. She was glad
When she saw them all dead.
"I'm a good girl," she said,
But that Herakles? "He's very bad."

04-12-2012, 10:11 AM
There once was a poet named Sue
Her word choice left everyone blue
I leaned over and said
Poetry is dead
she leaned back and yelled out
**** you

04-13-2012, 04:46 AM
There once was a noble from China,
That opened an XXX dina
The tickets sold out,
But the police came about
And cried, ''That kid's only a mina!''

04-19-2012, 08:48 AM
Nice Vocabulary, But Not Much Use on the College Entrance Exams

My daughter knows words my wife don't.
Hearing "milf", she will laugh. My wife won't.
But who knows what she knows?
All I need, I suppose,
Is some other word rhyming with "-on't".

01-10-2013, 08:05 PM
A contractor building out hell
Has said that, except for the smell,
It's not bad down below
Where the bad people go
Though for them he could not really tell.

02-23-2013, 01:54 PM
Back in Boston Jan found that the man
She's been doing did more than poor Jan.
Jan's done others as well.
"They don't count!" You can tell
Jan can't count, but those others all can.

Emil Miller
02-23-2013, 06:24 PM
As a member of LitNet I'd say
That various views still hold sway
Where young wankers, old plonkers
And those who are bonkers
Add little to the light of day

03-27-2013, 07:59 PM
There once was a country that let
Its risk rise with far too much debt.
The economy spanked
And its revenue tanked.
Its name now, like ours, we forget.

03-29-2013, 09:06 AM
There once was a debtor named Doug
Whose creditors needed a hug
When his bankruptcy came.
Though they gave him the blame
Their funds drained when Doug pulled the plug.

03-29-2013, 10:11 AM
There once was a lymerick writer
who'd buried his wife, just to spite her.
Though he owned no discrace
at his untimely haste,
he was hanged and inhumed right beside her.

03-30-2013, 04:09 AM
Her death didn't free up his life.
They hanged him, because of the knife
And they buried him next
To the lady who vexed
Him the most to spite both for their strife.

03-30-2013, 05:05 AM
I'll regret posting this later, but I'm bored, and really... what's a limerick thread without something naughty? :D

There once was a girl from Alsace,
Who was quite a rude little lass.
Out with a gent who
Whispered, "What shall I do?"
She turned and replied . . .

. . . "Fill my glass." ;)

I know this was posted literally 9 years ago, but I choked on my own spit while reading this and then laughed for 10 minutes straight. Does anyone know where this emily girl is? I have to press charges against her for cracking my funny bone :D.

From Russia to France he sent texts
From all of walks of life he had sex
He thought it a rumor
That he had a tumor
And sang while he banged, then died next

Wow, that was lame. Heh, I'll try harder next time. There is a first for everything, right!?! :D

03-30-2013, 09:14 PM
Sometimes the lamer the limerick the better. I enjoyed it.

Here's one with the "lass" rhyme that emily used and with reference to the orbs from the Bigfoot thread:

There once was a classy young lass
Who displayed an outstanding round ***.
Other orbs she'd parade
Through a blouse that was made
To conceal not one gram of the mass.

03-31-2013, 12:50 PM
I love Limericks I was writing them while drunk the other night.

Billy was a helpless nerd.
He used many a big word
Till he said epic
At his oat breakfast
Hercules made him eat turds.

04-01-2013, 12:28 PM
I once had a lovely clone
One day we were home alone.
It made me die
Then it was I
Now I wrote this poem.

04-01-2013, 12:35 PM
There was once a cat called Shantz
He had many uncles and aunts.
They fed him penne
One noodle too many
Poor Shantz he shat his pants.

04-01-2013, 10:52 PM
The UFO floats like a bird
And the noise that our sharp Billy heard
Could be creatures from Mars
Or the twinkling, bright stars
If that honking were more like a word.

05-04-2013, 08:56 PM
There once was a lady who said
She'd rather wake up and be dead
Than marry some guy
Who made good ladies cry
Unless she got wealthy when wed.

05-13-2013, 02:17 AM
There is a young lady from Brest,
(That's in France if you hadn't guessed,)
A popular girl,
with many a curl,
And in her home town she is blessed.

05-14-2013, 06:15 PM
There once was a meme to inspire
The markets to jump ever higher:
"Buy it now! Don't miss out!
What a loser!" No doubt,
One will lose when those markets expire.

05-14-2013, 09:50 PM
In the oncoming lane was a Texan
Veering towards me like he was a textin'
That guy had some nerve
Made my Honda swerve
Barely missing natural selection

05-16-2013, 06:35 PM
There once was a king whose excess
Confronted his poor peasants' stress
And when he asked for
Just a little bit more
His head rolled and made one last mess.

05-16-2013, 10:36 PM
The monarch's death was inglorious
We joyful peasants victorious
The king was betrayed
By math I'm afraid
'Cos there was just a bit more of us

05-18-2013, 09:42 AM
The peasants were happy and said,
"We're so glad that our good king is dead!"
They were giddy all day,
"No more taxes to pay!"
Then democracy taxed them instead.

05-18-2013, 03:18 PM
"Down with taxes," the one side protested
"Feed the masses," the other requested
"Enough malarkey"
"We're for anarchy"
A small but vocal contingent contested

05-18-2013, 09:21 PM
Billy's an anarchist who
Loved Betty, but said they were through,
"You date too many guys!"
Betty said with surprise,
"Hey! I am an anarchist, too!"

05-19-2013, 11:15 PM
The two young anarchists named Billy and Betty
Had a lovers spat that was really so petty
But between the sheets
They made such great heat
Squeezing and giggling, getting silly and sweaty

05-21-2013, 07:40 AM
Although make-up sex worked for a while,
Crazy months limped toward Spring single file.
Betty stopped going out.
Billy flip-flopped about
Until Jane came and made Billy smile.

05-21-2013, 09:58 PM
And so it goes when love gets political
The sex is bad and anticlimactical
And Billy was warned
That Betty was scorned
While the state became apocalyptical

*My sincerest apologies to Chinua Achebe

05-22-2013, 02:15 AM
Chinua Achebe was annoyed
At sancho's cheek unalloyed
i feel so abused
I am not amused
My self esteem is distroyed.

05-22-2013, 09:25 AM
There once was an anarchist, Billy.
Seeking freedom he's now looking silly.
Jane's a Democrat who
Is political, too.
Betty thinks he'll be back soon, but will he?

05-22-2013, 12:07 PM
When Sancho rhymed he was stewed it's said
He tried for clever but was crude instead
But of this I swear
Achebe don't care
On account of him being a dude that's dead

Love lost, then found, then modified - like the constitution

Betty said, "choose me or the freeway"
Jane said, "in this there can be no leeway"
From Betty to Jane
Bill looked once again
"So, girls, how'd you feel 'bout a three-way?"

05-22-2013, 12:35 PM
There's a poster I'd like to toss,
On here, he acts like a boss,
illiterate not shrewd
but most of all rude,
to read his work, a loss.

05-22-2013, 01:10 PM
I know the poster in question
his actions need a dissection
pointless, obscure
what is the lure?
that crooked sense needs correction.

05-22-2013, 01:17 PM
Billy thinks that a three-way's OK.
About that, though, sweet Betty would say,
"Hey! A four-way is better.
But with Jane, Bill? Forget her!"
So, with Phil and Matilda they play.

05-22-2013, 11:24 PM
Four in the hot tub discussing the Treaty of Westphalia
Jacuzzi jets gently caressing exposed genitalia
The orgy was nigh
Nobody was shy
With their lotions and creams and adult paraphernalia

05-23-2013, 06:38 AM
Though the orgy was advertised well,
Uninvited Jane still had to tell
Her Dad, the DA.
When the cops came, "OK!
Kids, we're carting you all off to hell."

05-23-2013, 12:43 PM
What powers a hot tub?

Now this may, or may not be actual,
And is not based on anything factual,
But the jacuzzi wasn't on,
There was a terrible pong,
So most of those bubbles were natural.

05-23-2013, 09:21 PM
Natural bubbles make a hot-tub desecrated
So Billy's libido prematurely deflated
The girls were aghast
The cops only laughed
The anarchist orgy remained unconsummated

05-24-2013, 12:58 AM
"Nothing happened!" Our sweet Jane was glad.
Were her Billy untrue she'd be mad.
"My Billy, my dear,
I'm pregnant. You hear?"
He heard. "You will soon be a dad!"

05-25-2013, 09:12 AM
Political theory and hifalutin talk
Could'a made Otto Von Bismarck say, "Guten Tag"
But with baby on board
T'was Jane, Bill adored
Matty and Phil still in tub, mookin' the wok

(Not sure what Matilda and Phil are doing, but I've got a fair idea - and it rhymes pretty good)

05-25-2013, 11:09 AM
Matilda and Phil didn't care
As long as the cops were not there.
At the party they played
Till the sun made its raid
On the night and discovered the pair.

05-25-2013, 10:58 PM
Billy and Jane became old and gray
The baby matured and moved away
Matilda grew stout
And Phil suffered gout
The hot tub broke down and got in the way

(I swear this is not at all autobiographical...Really...Scout's honor.)

05-26-2013, 07:21 AM
And Betty, Bill's anarchist belle,
Forgot every anarchist spell.
Her three children in college
Consuming fresh knowledge
Never knew and that's all just as well.

06-06-2013, 02:04 AM
Aye, the past and the future aint set,
For the future aint happened yet,
The past is all gone,
And often told wrong,
And parts we remember to forget.

Silas Thorne
06-06-2013, 02:26 AM
There once was a old priest named Squire
Who had all the boys in the choir,
Except for Jack Wong
Who knew this was wrong
And choked him to death with a wire.

Silas Thorne
06-06-2013, 03:38 AM
There was a young woman called Jen
who once frigged herself with a pen
but the vigorous friction
became an addiction
which wrote off that young woman called Jen.

06-06-2013, 08:42 AM
Joey once had a love of his life
Who later became Joey's wife.
Though at first things went well
Soon they all went to hell.
Now their hate fuels hell with their strife.

06-12-2013, 04:59 PM
All the vampires I know like to bite
And that's why you should stay in the light
Where you're safe, more or less,
At least, that's my best guess,
Though it's true, I am often not right.

06-12-2013, 06:23 PM
Kids these days like blood sucking monsters
But Sancho thinks they're totally bonkers
'Cos Vampire drool
Is highly uncool
And Werewolves drinking piña coladas have long curls


Silas Thorne
06-12-2013, 06:31 PM
The Stage Show

In a stage show one Rendall from Wotum,
Hammered shiny new nails through his scrotum,
but one day he missed
because he was pissed
and ballockst his bollocks and scrotum.

06-12-2013, 08:15 PM
A thin skinny fellow was tall
Like a dick always hitting a wall
But his feet he forgot
From dancing on an empty lot
And his peanuts no longer would ball

06-13-2013, 09:05 AM
Though you can't believe all that you read,
When you're bit by a vampire, you bleed
Till you're dead, er, "undead".
That's how vampires get fed
And eventually that's how you feed.

06-14-2013, 09:35 PM
The pretty girl shrieked and brandished a red-hot poker
The vampire's eye teeth gleamed as he moved in to croak her
She made a jab
Attempting to stab
The unholy demon of an epistolary novel by Stoker

06-15-2013, 08:58 AM
It was Stoker who told that tall tale.
No, not Melville. He did the white whale.
That's when vampires came out:
"Need a drink? Reaper's Stout?
Or a blood-red, unbrewed, virgin ale?"

06-15-2013, 09:48 AM
Lions and tigers and bears, oh my
Lions and tigers and bears, oh my
Spookier than most
Not even a ghost
The United States V. P., Joe Bi'

(Just for the record - I've always liked Joe Biden)

06-15-2013, 09:28 PM
There once was a dragon named Dan
Who was stalking a damsel. She ran
Away from some knight
Who wasn't quite right.
If Dan's lucky, he might be her man.

06-18-2013, 09:36 PM
Dragon named Dan and the Damsel who ran
Were getting on grand while making their stand
But not-right knight
Did not quite fight
He struck up the band and danced a can-can


06-19-2013, 06:11 PM
There are guys who just can't get things right.
While they're dancing the can-can at night,
Though sweet damsels might swoon
When they flash them the moon,
It's the dragon enjoying the sight.

06-20-2013, 04:50 PM
To the Moulin Rouge went the knight and the dragon
The damsel went too, but she sadly was laggin'
It's near Sacré-Cœur
Where Christians they lure
As for Dan-Dragon, his big horny tail surely was waggin'

06-21-2013, 05:55 PM
Dan's a horny, old dragon. It's true.
He likes girls. He likes guys. He'll like you.
At first meeting, he's charming,
But moods change. It's alarming
How tasty you'll seem to him, too.

06-22-2013, 12:00 PM
So they watched the show with a pint of grog
Said Dan, they're gorgeous, not a single dog
The French like their sin
They're probably kin
Descended from the dragon is the frog

El Sancho apologizes personally to the French people for this one. I don't know what got into me.

06-22-2013, 01:38 PM
Merde! !Sacre blue! Et mon dieu!
Mon French je avez perdu,
Mon mots du amour,
S'est tres tres poor,
So I'll stay in my local purlieu.

06-23-2013, 09:25 AM
There once was a French speaking frog
And a dragon who lived in the bog.
A proud dog said his knight
Did their damsel. They might
Forgive her, but not that dumb dog.

06-25-2013, 07:24 AM
The damsel the dragon and a dog named Bill
Left Paris that night in a red Coup De Ville
With the top down low
Sipping cheap Merlot
By morning at that rate they'd be in Brazil

06-25-2013, 07:34 AM
^It comes to mind that a less fantastical trip might put everybody in Seville.

06-25-2013, 09:59 PM
On the road trip, they're cruising along.
All's forgiven. Why not? Play a song!
Oh! What fun they have had:
Damsel good, dragon bad
While the knight senses something's gone wrong.

06-26-2013, 08:09 AM
So the knight was motivatin' over the hill
When he saw the damsel in a Coup de Viille
"I'm a road runner, baby"
"You can't keep up with me"
As the Caddy passed him by he shouted, "Hey that's my dog Bill!"

(Shamelessly plagiarized from the two original rockers)

Chuck Berry

Bo Diddley

Speaking of road-trip tunes...

Well they was outta San Pedro late that night
The moon and the stars was shining bright
They was heading up grapevine hill
Passing cars like they was standing still
This one seems sort of like a limerick but not quite

In the last half of this YouTube video, Bill does an amazing medley of old rocker riffs. (not Bill the dog, but Bill Kirchen, formerly of Commander Cody and the Lost Planet Airmen)

06-26-2013, 05:02 PM
Just stopped by to say hi and goodbye
These limericks, I laugh til I cry
So keep on with this thread
Will I join?...not to fret
My tries would be like lullabies zzzz

06-26-2013, 06:23 PM
Maybelline was the damsel's sweet name.
The brave knight thought the dragon's to blame.
He should find someone else,
But there ain't no one else
For a knight with his sight on that dame.

Nice one, Melanie! I hope to read more!

Here's what the damsel and her dragon might by playing if they were on motorcycles: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5UWRypqz5-o

06-26-2013, 09:17 PM
Limericks make you laugh and sometimes groan
To make one up you won't need your trombone
Just between the two of us
The rhymes can be ludicrous
Like most things they're better with friends than alone

*I'm still trying to figure out what to do about the unrequited love of a knight-errant in a V-8 Ford chasing a damsel and a dragon in a Cadillac convertible coup up Grapevine Hill.

06-27-2013, 08:36 AM
The knight found the damsel distressed
The dragon was groping her breasts
By the side of the road
In convertible mode
As their Cadillac coupe had no gas

06-27-2013, 09:07 AM
The knight leaped gallantly from the V-8 Ford
Charging ahead while unsheathing his sword
The damsel she gasped
The knight then laughed
When everyone saw Dan-Dragon had prematurely scored

06-27-2013, 04:38 PM
With a flourish the knight's on the scene.
The foul dragon retreats through the green.
The pure damsel is saved
From a dragon depraved,
But that knight's now alone with the teen.

06-27-2013, 07:19 PM
"Now, I'd lay down my life for one's honor",
said the knight in his shining armor.
But he scratched his head,
"Methinks I'm misled,
"She can't be a teen with those knockers".

06-27-2013, 08:37 PM
Now that he had the girl, he wasn't sure what to do
He stared at her gazongas and turned a bright-red hue
The damsel smiled sweetly
The knight went weak-kneed
He found the dog and said, Miss, I and Bill must bid you adieu

06-28-2013, 08:42 AM
The damsel sat wondering why
The good knight didn't give her a try.
Do voluptuous curves
Undermine knightly nerves?
Where's that dragon when men say goodbye?

06-28-2013, 03:58 PM
The dragon resorted to drinkin'
Some grog from his flagon I'm thinkin'
While cruisin' the sea
on "The Honalee"
But cruise ships are known for their sinkin'

06-29-2013, 08:08 AM
The cruise, till it sank, did some good
And the grog helped the way that grog should.
Karaoke was playing.
The dragon was swaying.
The moon did whatever it could.

06-29-2013, 09:35 AM
But Pirates saved the ship and it's crew
Not what Pirates are oft' known to do
But they'd heard of some booty
And I don't mean the nudie
From the french nudist tour group, LaRue.

06-29-2013, 01:26 PM
There was plenty of booty aboard
Including the kind one can hoard.
With the ship saved from sinking
The grog's saved for drinking.
The showgirls? A giggly reward.

06-29-2013, 03:17 PM
The damsel was distraught there was no consoling
The dragon was out at sea pitching and rolling
Odd end to a story
Hardly an allegory
Bill the dog and the knight just up and went bowling

06-29-2013, 06:06 PM
...Odd end to a story
Hardly an allegory
Bill the dog and the knight just up and went bowling
You said Bill and the knight bid adieu
to the damsel in post 202
Then she asked #203
where do dragons flee
so on the sea the story ensued.

I thought you were trying to end the dog and knight part with "adieu". I apologize if I misunderstood.
I'll sit back and just watch for now as I don't want to ruin the fun flow that was going on. Hardly an allegory?

06-29-2013, 09:28 PM
(^good one, Melanie)

Awe shucks there's no plot we've agreed on
Ain't gotta be no rhyme nor reason
We're on a run
Just having fun
However not to rhyme would be treason

*I just thought it'd be funny for a dog named Bill and a chivalric knight in a full suit of shiny armor to go and spend an evening together at a Bowling Alley.

06-30-2013, 09:40 AM
It seems Bill and his knight have gone bowling.
The dragon with pirates is strolling.
The damsel, I'm sure,
Is acceptably pure
But would welcome some manly consoling.

07-01-2013, 10:31 PM
Along came a musical young broncin' buck
With a pink carnation and a pickup truck
What has fate brought
The damsel thought
He can't much sing, but I wonder if he'll dance

07-02-2013, 08:54 AM
Shiny knights, horny dragons have had
Their chance with the damsel: "They're bad!"
She now eyes a young buck
With a big, rusty truck
And the thought of him's making her glad.

07-04-2013, 04:42 PM
So the great grandson of Gen'ral Robert E. Lee
Put hand to heart and got down on one knee
Belle of the Confederacy
Become one with me
Here on the Battle of Gettysburg's 150th anniversary

07-04-2013, 06:12 PM
The damsel said, "Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Oh, my life has been such a mad mess
With that dragon and knight.
They both gave me a fright.
All I need is a pretty white dress."

07-05-2013, 04:40 PM
Then you'll have a wedding dress fit for a queen
Ah do declare you are mah Sweet Mabellene
A white hoop-skirt and bonnet
With a butternut sash on it
For that sort of gown I'll just call Paula Dean

07-05-2013, 11:34 PM
The damsel likes chicken a lot.
Breasts and thighs are the best when they're hot.
Paula Deen's mouth might run,
But the damsel wants fun
With a man like the one she has got.

07-06-2013, 10:30 PM
Pitching woo beneath the shade of a magnolia tree
Flirting and giggling and sipping sugary sweet tea
But trouble's ahead
The lad was misled
You see, her great-grandfather had led the march to the sea

Gilliatt Gurgle
07-07-2013, 08:04 AM
I've been following along and noticed you lymericists were talking about chicken.
Here's a clip from one of Gilliatt's favorite movies; Faster Pussycat Kill Kill.
Feel free to watch the entire video, you'll be glad you did, or jump ahead to the juicy chicken related part from 1:23 to 1:35...


You'll also find a lot of great one liner double entendre.
By Jove, I'm going to replace Happy Gilmore with this^ movie on the deserted island thread.


07-07-2013, 12:08 PM

This is definitely something Tarantino should consider remaking so he can get back to his Kill Bill heights. I think I'll change "legs and thighs" to "breasts and thighs" because of this.

07-07-2013, 12:11 PM
The damsel thought she came from France
Like that dragon and knight. There's no chance
She will ever be wed
And get bounced on a bed
By this guy who won't give her a glance.

07-07-2013, 03:00 PM
Said the lad, you and I have no chance
Said the lady, but I am from France
Yankee trickster
Southern hickster
Thus a union was formed via angry romance

(Many Southerners still have very peculiar attitudes about that war)

07-08-2013, 08:34 AM
Our couple have had their first fight
And it looks like they've had a wild night
Making up until dawn.
Let her rebel dream on
While his yankee belle beams with delight.

07-08-2013, 08:46 PM
Their bonds of affection were strained but not their desire
The two young lover's passion raged like a house afire
Refusing to fight
On a hot summer night
The better angels of their nature demanded a permanent ceasefire

07-09-2013, 04:46 PM
The good damsel confessed that her first
Was a handsome young knight, but she's cursed
With unbearable dreams
Of a dragon. She screams!
She's just saying he wasn't her worst.

07-09-2013, 08:45 PM
Oh Maybellene, why caint you be true, woo-woo
Why is it you do the things you do, who-who
The knight was a gent
But bowling he went
And your eyes still sparkle like the dew, ewe-ewe

(Meanwhile the young maiden placed an index finger into each ear canal, and grinned a sly grin at the young troubadour. "What say we dance, Johnny Reb.")

07-10-2013, 08:39 AM
"Let's go dancing!" our sweet damsel said
To her jealous and sad Johnny Reb.
"Shall we square dance or boogie?
Some southern-style woogie?"
Save the last dance. That's best done in bed.

07-10-2013, 03:50 PM
Way on down south in Texas at the Fiesta Flambeau
She was shaking her money-maker to a jazz combo
San Antonio
By the Alamo
Later by pale moonlight they danced the Horizontal Mambo

07-11-2013, 09:14 AM
The parade with its lights has passed through.
Now the damsel wants something to do.
There's "Fiesta Flambeau"
But don't search "Alamo":
Santa Anna's her ancestor, too.

07-12-2013, 10:53 AM
Por fin, mi pequeño chile jalapeño, estamos bailando
Si hay una cosa en mi familia tengo entendido
Mi viejo abuelo
No estaba loco
Le gustaba decir, "A Dios rogando y con el mazo dando"

(Maybe that was Pancho Villa)

07-12-2013, 08:12 PM
When Pancho breathed, "Guapa," the cry
From the damsel made Johnny ask why
She yelled, "Guapo to you!"
Like a feisty, hot shrew,
Like some nutty, but sweet pecan pie.

07-15-2013, 09:13 PM
There once was an hombre called Pancho
In old Mexico he was some kind of honcho
Huge mustachio
By the way this has been a limerick by El Sancho

http://i971.photobucket.com/albums/ae197/mollyandbruno/image_zpsb07dd8ce.jpg (http://s971.photobucket.com/user/mollyandbruno/media/image_zpsb07dd8ce.jpg.html)

07-15-2013, 09:22 PM
Don't mess with my TootToot
Don't mess with my TootToot
You can have the other woman
But don't mess with my TootToot

07-16-2013, 04:39 PM
I'm gonna steal away your Toot-Toot
I'll impress her with my Zoot-Suit
Riding tandem on my Vespa
A mechanical monsta'
With a tail pipe that goes Poot-Poot

07-19-2013, 05:30 PM
"Pues, lo hablo bastante bien*
Especially when I'm with men
Who call me 'bonita',
Their 'chiqititita'.
Just guess what they want from me then."

* Gracias to Google Translate

07-23-2013, 06:51 PM
Inquired Pancho, "¿Jew hab a real man lately?"
Replied the damsel, "Yes, wait No, hmm Maybe."
"¡Santo dios!"
"Antes de adios"
"What is the latest on the royal baby?"

07-23-2013, 09:02 PM
The royal baby is pink and quite small
His hobbies are eat, sleep, and bawl
He's ranked third from the top
Past the Ears and his pop
And his first goal is learn how to crawl

07-24-2013, 10:41 PM
George Alex first opened his eyes feeling happy
Primogeniture means he'll succeed his pappy
Heir to the throne
After he's grown
But first what to do 'bout that stuff in his nappy?

04-12-2014, 11:18 PM
Some limericks popped in my head
While Melissa was waiting in bed.
They were nasty and rude
And delightfully crude.
Now Melissa has left me for Fred.

04-14-2014, 01:58 PM

Okay, okay, okay:

There once was a dude named Mahmoud
Who was downright rude, crude, and lewd
His gal was a prude
And she copped a 'tude
When she viewed Mahmoud in the nude

Okay, one more:

There was a young lady from Tibet
Who late at night surfed the Litnet
Then things went awry
She said Me-oh-my
I must have misplaced my diskette

Okay, okay, okay, one more.
I think it's about field artillery

There once was a chap from Iraq
Who had a tremendous ball sack
The left ball went first
The right nearly burst
Two blocks away something went splat

(He's probably a friend of Mahmoud's)

04-15-2014, 09:10 PM
While Billy was bombing out back,
His wife screamed, "We're under attack!"
"That was me, sweetie-pie.
No, you ain't gonna die,
Unless I catch you messin with Jack."

(Jack's real name was Mahmoud, but Billy couldn't pronounce it.)

04-16-2014, 10:13 PM
Oh baby, you know you's my one and only
The love of my life, my li'l roly-poly
Jack can go pound sand
I'm you're jelly-roll man
So c'mere, baby, let's do something unholy

04-17-2014, 01:29 AM
Though some claim that the world is flat,
I have second thoughts about that,
Since my sweetie is round,
From her head to the ground.
It's more likely my world is fat.

04-18-2014, 09:15 PM
Long tall Sally or short fat Fanny
Home town Annie or a Pakistani
They can enthrall
I love 'em all
'Cept maybe that not-quite-right tranny

Gilliatt Gurgle
04-18-2014, 09:53 PM
Though some claim that the world is flat,

Sorry, no lyimerick,
just feeling a bit systemic
from th eMkars Mark
that sparked a spark
recalling a ditty;
a Bob Wills witty...
this is for Yes/No:


04-18-2014, 10:32 PM
From a distance, the tranny's OK,
But up close something gives her away.
After touching first base,
Grasping second, the race
Down to third just might ruin your day.

(That Bob Wills song makes me want to stick to my diet.)

04-19-2014, 10:19 PM
There was a young guy from Papua New Guinea
Piled his hair up high but his legs were too skinny
He dressed up fancy
They called him Nancy
Truth be told, he had an outie but wanted an innie

04-20-2014, 07:58 AM
Now the trannies are hopping with hate
And those challenged with slightly more weight
Than they need to squeeze by
Are all telling me, "Die!"
"Just lay low." "They'll forget." "It's too late."

04-20-2014, 11:55 AM
*Grace Slick was a huge supporter of free love

Our man wanted to find somebody to love
Our man needed to find somebody to love
Biology was against him
His prospects looked grim
But he was unconcerned if parts fit hand in glove

Hey, this being Easter, and in keeping with our theme of love and understanding, we oughta do a resurrection-day limerick. Whatever else he was, or whatever else people have tried to make him into between then and now, Jesus seems to have been a really good guy. And Jesus, like Grace Slick, loved everybody. Also, in every picture I've ever seen of him, he was wearing a dress.

Emil Miller
04-20-2014, 01:48 PM
Hey, this being Easter, and in keeping with our theme of love and understanding, we oughta do a resurrection-day limerick. Whatever else he was, or whatever else people have tried to make him into between then and now, Jesus seems to have been a really good guy.


They body of Jesus, they say
In a rock-covered cave they did lay
But they got quite a shock
When removing the rock
For he hasn't been seen to this day