Form Poem Contest [Archive] - Literature Network Forums

Pendragon

03-28-2007, 09:22 AM

Much like our other contest, except instead of a picture to go by, we are using form poetry: Whatever form the judge wants the poem written in, say sonnet, villianelle, free verse, minimalism. limerick, etc. the writers must follow suit. A subject may be given, but doesn't have to be. A sample poem would be a good idea, to hrlp others see the form. I'll start with this form: The Perfect Reversible. Nine lines, then the same nine lines in perfect reverse, i.e. no shifting of words. The trick to to try to tell a poem from two different viewpoints by reversing perspective. You may play with punctuation to form new combinations of words, not word order. As this is the first contest, if anyone is interested, due date is by April 27. I will post the winner on April 30. They can chose the next form. If no one is interested, OK, I had to try... http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/SpinningSmiley.gif

The Hit

Gasping spirit leaves.
Crimson spurts, wounds mortal.
Covered knife. Slashed torso.
Blood-filled lungs gurgle.
Not enough time. Not enough time.
Sometimes help never comes…
Strikes are made quickly.
Alone: Wolf and Prey—
Cold killer cleans sharp blade…

Blade sharp cleans killer: cold—
Prey and Wolf: Alone…
Quickly made are strikes—
Comes never help—sometimes…
Time enough—not! … Time enough—not!
Gurgle lungs, blood-filled.
Torso slashed—knife covered
Mortal wounds—spurts crimson…
Leaves spirit, gasping…

Pendragon
© 3/26/07

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Edited by Logos 4 April 2007 to add:

This topic is started and participated in on a purely voluntary basis by members of The Literature Network and does not entail any prizes of any sort to be given by The Literature Network.

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Virgil

03-28-2007, 12:22 PM

Hey, that's a great idea Pen. I hope I have time with it all.

Riesa

03-28-2007, 02:39 PM

okay, I'll give it a shot. first is supposed to be end of love, second, hope for love. Do I have the right idea Pen?

Now, even
days require nights
separate we are, alone, divided,
still, sky and sea are attached
horizons pink and green
clouds and water
You and I;
The way our marked
eyes mirrored love.

Love mirrored eyes
marked our way, the
I and You;
clouds and water,
green and pink horizons,
attached are sea and sky still.
Divided, alone, are we separate?
Nights require days,
even now.

Pendragon

03-29-2007, 09:16 AM

Indeed, Riesa! The right idea, and a well written poem! My example is first the victim, then the killer or vice-versa, it can be read either way, although I think the second verse shows the killer lying in wait, cleaning his knife, waiting to strike. The first after the strike. Well done! I hope you inspire others! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/panda.gif

dramasnot6

03-29-2007, 10:05 AM

looks like a great idea pen! and what an interesting style of poem to start with, ive got a good idea for one already! :)

shadowy girl

03-29-2007, 10:06 AM

great Idea..give me a minuet so I can write sth good...

oo... no insperation!!

Pendragon

04-01-2007, 09:52 AM

Is Reisa going to be my only entry? http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/tearful.gif

Virgil

04-01-2007, 09:55 AM

Is Petra going to be my only entry? http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/tearful.gif

Oh Pen you'll have to give me a few days. I'm not an on-the-spot poet. ;)

Riesa

04-01-2007, 09:56 AM

who is Petra?? :p

ah, there are weeks left yet. Patience, dear friend.

Il Penseroso

04-01-2007, 09:02 PM

I'll try, if I can get some time, but I'm not much of a foresight poet, hence my preference for free-verse poems without a point.

Riesa

04-02-2007, 10:12 AM

:lol: awwwwww, come on.....lovely for lovely's sake, remember?

Adolescent09

04-02-2007, 12:54 PM

Wow.. I've never done anything like this in my life so this will naturally be terrible for a start. I won't edit this or give it much thought so I'll just write it in this quick reply. Here goes:..

The Perfect Reversible. Nine lines, then the same nine lines in perfect reverse, i.e. no shifting of words.

I tried to provoke some meaning in this. I hope some of you can discern it..

The Jekyll and Hyde in Mankind

Us in all,
perfect is the divide,
happiness to rapacity,
chide ourselves, we do
endless is grief
money is want,
love makes envy,
flaunting lives
please those who needn't be pleased
on it goes on and on...

all in us,
perfect is the divide,
rapacity to happines,
do we chide ourselves?
grief is endless,
want is money
envy makes love,
lives flaunting
please be needn't, those who are pleased,
on and on, goes it on.

This is extremely difficult to do... It's very hard and nearly impossible to make any sense at all writing a poem in this form. I like it because it is challenging though.

Il Penseroso

04-02-2007, 05:27 PM

Boy and Girl

Action toys,
attraction and
repulsion ploys,
death beams and stardust,
statue boys
without play
and secret tissues,
flaws fatal
in the end.

Toys action
and attraction,
ploys repulsion stars,
dust and beams deathboys,
statues,
play without
tissues, secret and
fatal flaws
in the end.

That was tough.

shadowy girl

04-03-2007, 08:39 AM

so how many days are left?

Pendragon

04-03-2007, 09:33 AM

Until the due date April 27. I will post the winner on April 30. IP, um, yours is done wrong... Absolute reversible, which means you start the second stanza with the last line of the first in perfect reverse. http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Fly.gif

Il Penseroso

04-03-2007, 11:38 AM

Hmmm, well if mine's done wrong, so is Adol and Riesa's. I think we all got a little confused, this is new.

Adolescent09

04-03-2007, 02:21 PM

Yes, Il Pen is right... If mine is done wrong I think I'll have to drop out because this might just be too challenging for me. But wait a second.... The poem you posted yourself doesn't seem to comply with the rules of the contest, Pendragon. look:

Gasping spirit leaves.
Crimson spurts, wounds mortal.
Covered knife. Slashed torso.
Blood-filled lungs gurgle.
Not enough time. Not enough time.
Sometimes help never comes…
Strikes are made quickly.
Alone: Wolf and Prey—
Cold killer cleans sharp blade…

Blade sharp cleans killer: cold—
Prey and Wolf: Alone…
Quickly made are strikes—
Never comes help! Sometimes,
Time not enough… Time not enough!
Gurgle lungs, blood-filled.
Torso slashed—knife covered
Mortal wounds—spurts crimson…
Leaves spirit, gasping…

^^^If the rules of the contest imply direct reversibility in every line of the second stanza shouldn't the lines "Not enough time. Not enough time" be exactly reversed to "Time enough not. Time enough not"? As I said it's very difficult making sense when the direct reversibility rule is implied... Look at the other line you changed a little..: "Sometimes help never comes" should reverse directly to "Comes never help sometimes"...

If I am wrong about this and it is ok to "tweek" directly reversible lines then I'm sorry about this little confusion. But then again most of your other lines in the poem directly reverse so it is evident that some of the poem's lines are changed around and some are direct

Please excuse me if I got this all wrong. I'm a n00b at poetry styles. I'm not trying to start any row here, I'm just stating my views on this matter..

Riesa

04-03-2007, 03:15 PM

:eek: yes, I see now, I was most definitely confused. ah, it's all new. I'll try to edit, see what happens.

Pendragon

04-03-2007, 09:16 PM

who is Petra?? :p

ah, there are weeks left yet. Patience, dear friend.My mistake, among many, Riesa. And your poem requires no edits. http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/shy.gif

Pendragon

04-03-2007, 09:29 PM

Yes, Il Pen is right... If mine is done wrong I think I'll have to drop out because this might just be too challenging for me. But wait a second.... The poem you posted yourself doesn't seem to comply with the rules of the contest, Pendragon. look:

Gasping spirit leaves.
Crimson spurts, wounds mortal.
Covered knife. Slashed torso.
Blood-filled lungs gurgle.
Not enough time. Not enough time.
Sometimes help never comes…
Strikes are made quickly.
Alone: Wolf and Prey—
Cold killer cleans sharp blade…

Blade sharp cleans killer: cold—
Prey and Wolf: Alone…
Quickly made are strikes—
Comes never help—sometimes…
Time enough—not! … Time enough—not!
Gurgle lungs, blood-filled.
Torso slashed—knife covered
Mortal wounds—spurts crimson…
Leaves spirit, gasping…

^^^If the rules of the contest imply direct reversibility in every line of the second stanza shouldn't the lines "Not enough time. Not enough time" be exactly reversed to "Time enough not. Time enough not"? As I said it's very difficult making sense when the direct reversibility rule is implied... Look at the other line you changed a little..: "Sometimes help never comes" should reverse directly to "Comes never help sometimes"...

If I am wrong about this and it is ok to "tweek" directly reversible lines then I'm sorry about this little confusion. But then again most of your other lines in the poem directly reverse so it is evident that some of the poem's lines are changed around and some are direct

Please excuse me if I got this all wrong. I'm a n00b at poetry styles. I'm not trying to start any row here, I'm just stating my views on this matter..Caught me in a mistake. Now taKen care of. 'Dole yours is fine except for reverseing the next to last line. IP, you reverse from the wrong end! Sorry for the mix-up, and I invented this bloody form! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/shy.gif

Adolescent09

04-04-2007, 06:50 PM

Aww. This thread is slipping away. Doesn't anyone else wish to post poems on this ingenious new idea and bump this thread to the front lines? :)

Virgil

04-04-2007, 07:44 PM

I intend to Adolescent. But I haven't gotten an idea yet.

Il Penseroso

04-05-2007, 04:34 AM

Song and Silence

Music turned arithmetic
and in the end
pattern in transistors
radio programming
syllables in a common
counting scale
that turns records
spun into hip-hop stretch
scratching pullovers.

pullovers scratching
stretch hip-hop into spun
records turn that
scale counting
common in a syllable,
programming radio
transistors in pattern,
end in the
arithmetic turned music.

hyperinsomnia

04-05-2007, 05:13 AM

*Awe and admiration*

kandaurov

04-05-2007, 06:04 AM

well, here is mine then...

Courage. I had courage.
Now? Perhaps then.
Wolves. My help. I would
act surprised. Nevertheless,
no surprise. This I knew:
Help was there.
Rustling dark leaves.
Fearful, this hate.
Enough despair. I was alone, now.

Now, alone was I. Despair, enough!
Hate this. Fearful
Leaves, dark rustling.
There was help!
Knew I this surprise? No.
Nevertheless, act surprised!
Would I help my wolves
Then? Perhaps now?
Courage, had I courage...!

Niamh

04-05-2007, 10:39 AM

my contrabution. (not good at all but fun to do!and took a while to figure it out.)

Forever walking, Slowly by
stop to think, wonder why.
Sky darkens, it amazed!
lonely wandering clouds
world is sleeping still
Quiet everything goes bye
good say i, nomore time
to live, to go alone
alas cried i, tonight!

Tonight, I cried alas,
Alone go to live, to
time, nomore i say good
bye...goes everything quiet.
Still Sleeping is world...
Clouds wandering lonely,
amazed it darkens sky.
why wonder..think to stop
by, slowly walking forever.

Pendragon

04-05-2007, 10:54 AM

Great one, IP! Now you catch on, and it is a great poem! http://www.cosgan.de/images/midi/froehlich/k015.gif

Kandaurov, also a good poem, way to write the form! http://www.cosgan.de/images/midi/froehlich/k015.gif

Niamh, don't be so hard on yourself! Good poem! http://www.cosgan.de/images/midi/froehlich/k015.gif

I thank everyone who has participated so far and hope others follow. I know this is a tough form. But I've never submitted one for publication that was refused. The unusualness of the form catches the eyes of editors, I guess. ;)

Virgil

04-05-2007, 11:20 AM

Just a question on the form, Pen. The nine lines can be of any length? Is that correct?

Pendragon

04-06-2007, 11:54 AM

Just a question on the form, Pen. The nine lines can be of any length? Is that correct?Certainly! Shorter ones are easier to reverse, but length is up to the poet. Whatever you can do, let it show! Go for it! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/clerical.gif

Virgil

04-06-2007, 05:42 PM

Certainly! Shorter ones are easier to reverse, but length is up to the poet. Whatever you can do, let it show! Go for it! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/clerical.gif

Thanks Pen, but I got to say, this is hard. ;)

Adolescent09

04-06-2007, 05:55 PM

This form is intriguing! Kudos to the OP for posting it and I wish it success like the haiku threads :)

Petrarch's Love

04-07-2007, 04:56 PM

Hi Pen, I just found this thread you started and since there are still a few weeks left to submit I'll give it a go, but it will take a little time. Looks very tricky. Only our Pendragon's clever noodle could come up with such a form! :)

Petrarch's Love

04-07-2007, 08:20 PM

O.K., Pen. I gave it a try. This turned out to be fun. Neat form.

Again paradise lost. Open gates closed. Once possible, it is now
Ending. Never renewed kisses, and
Again once spoken
Promises forgotten, and
Again once open
Blossoms closed,
And spring turned
Winter-like.
Is love perfect ever?

Ever perfect love is
Like winter
Turned spring, and
Closed blossoms
Open once again,
And forgotten promises
Spoken once again,
And kisses renewed, never-ending.
Now is it possible? Once closed gates open lost paradise again.

Pendragon

04-08-2007, 09:50 AM

I'm seeing some great stuff here. Try it guys. You may find you have written one of your best poems. I am stunned by the talent so far. Amazing what you people have done with this form! Wow! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/inlove.gif

Pendragon

04-13-2007, 09:04 AM

There is still plenty of time left for other entries. Any takers, please? http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Cheers.gif

Virgil

04-13-2007, 10:59 AM

I'm getting there Pen. A little at a time. ;)

Orionsbelt

04-14-2007, 09:29 AM

I already threw one away. So I'll try again. Where in the world do you get those very cool GIFs?

Pendragon

04-15-2007, 09:17 AM

Orionsbelt

04-17-2007, 10:33 PM

You do indeed!:thumbs_up :p

Adolescent09

04-18-2007, 09:15 AM

Orion. I have Smiley Central downloaded. I chose the ones I really liked, sent them to my Photobucket account and copied the shortcuts. Took time, but it was worth it! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Rock.gif

You've got a million of them.. lol. Every single one you post is different from the last... so intereting :)

Orionsbelt

04-18-2007, 01:08 PM

This was cool! here we go..

Left then right turned once, and lightly warmed was enough
circles round flipped and set drifting high
floating, spinning, falling
table meets bread
rising low, and lay flat
brown around red, swims spread
thin green or white stripe
floats foam white, brown, toasted
vapor rising, breath
Pizza

Pizza
breath, rising vapor
toasted brown white foam, floats
stripe white or green,
thin spread swims red, around brown flat
lay and low rising
bread meets table
spinning, floating, falling
high drifting set, and flipped round circles
Enough was warmed lightly, and once turned right then left
:banana:

Pendragon

04-21-2007, 09:12 AM

I must say the poets are quite good here. You are going to make my decision very difficult, which I consider Fantastic!http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Appaluse.gif

Pendragon

04-22-2007, 09:46 AM

Only four days left until the final day for submission. You can do it. Trust me! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/blinky.gif

Virgil

04-22-2007, 11:12 AM

I'll get mine in tomorrow Pen. It's on my computer at work. Just needs another quick edit.

Virgil

04-23-2007, 10:41 AM

OK, Pen. I worked on this long enough. Not sure if it's any good, but it was fun, in a difficult sort of way. ;)

Once

Once, Red Knight rode lance pitched
Steeling his consanguineous neighbor
Lovely damsel, hair blonde flowing,
Sweetly talking, roughly riding.
Mysterious castle draped by fog
They lay, arms, legs, whispers
Until sun rising.
Vows love, marriage, lives
Together.

Together,
Lives, marriage, love vows.
Rising sun until
Whispers, legs, arms, lay they.
Fog by draped castle, mysterious.
Riding roughly, talking sweetly,
Flowing blonde hair, damsel lovely.
Neighbor consanguineous his steeling.
Pitched lance, rode Knight Red, once.

Pendragon

04-24-2007, 03:06 PM

Whew! Work cut out for me, but two days left for any other interested poets! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/BC.gif

littlewing53

04-24-2007, 05:35 PM

Hi Pen...great idea! and the poems are awesome everybody...i will try to give it a go..as virgil sed earlier it'll take some time...i will try to make the deadline...

Pendragon

04-26-2007, 08:56 AM

Dead Line for poems is tonight! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/dancfingfrog.gif

Pendragon

04-27-2007, 11:33 AM

Let me see here:

Riesa: your first stanza seems to remind me of longing for love, the second the question of if the love could survive them being apart. That hinges on the one line

“separate we are, alone, divided” and its reversal “Divided, alone, are we separate?”. All said, an excellent poem, and a good grasp of the admittedly unusual form!

Adolescent09: I loved your title, and you grasped the form very well. My favorite line was this:
“please those who needn't be pleased” and the reverse “please be needn't, those who are pleased”. The first stanza has one out to please the world, the second realizes that one cannot. Excellent!

Il Penseroso: You played with the form before coming up with an excellent poem. Music certainly seems mathematical, and indeed is based on mathematics. Division of a string by a finger against a fret board plays a guitar. I really think I like this line and its reverse best
“scratching pullovers” “Pullovers scratching”, as they represent all I think has gone wrong with music. Really, both stanza’s seem to lament the decline of music, but in different ways.

Kandaurov: The poem is very strong and grasps the form with precision. The first stanza is one’s past strength; the second, one’s present weakness. My favorite line is your first, the last in the second stanza:
“Courage. I had courage” “Courage, had I courage...! Lovely!

Niamh: Interesting poem. You found a strength others had missed your poem—combining lines on the reversals to form new meanings. A little punctuation makes a world of difference: example: first stanza:

“Quiet everything goes bye
good say I, no more time”
Now second stanza:
“time, no more I say good
bye...goes everything quiet”
Quite a different meaning by rearranging the words with punctuation, don’t you think?

Petra: I see you used my nickname for you when you entered. Thank you. Small things matter more that anyone knows. You took a real chance and pulled it off. Long lines in the poem that must reverse perfectly. And they do. First stanza offers sadness, the second a breath of hope, that things are not as bad as they seem. Favorite line has to be:
“Again paradise lost. Open gates closed. Once possible, it is now” “Now is it possible? Once closed gates open lost paradise again.”

Orionsbelt: Pizza. Thinking with your stomach, yes? It was a good poem but was shaky on form. And the trouble is, reversed or not reversed, the same imagery of an Italian Chef skillfully manipulating the bread for a pizza is still there. Also you have a problem here:

“brown around red, swims spread
thin green or white stripe “ from the fist stanza.

“stripe white or green,
thin spread swims red, around brown flat” from the second stanza. You moved a word to another line. That isn’t allowed. Sorry.

Virgil:

I must say I enjoyed your poem, and the reversal certainly manages to give a new meaning to several words! Take this line for example:
“Steeling his consanguineous neighbor”” Neighbor consanguineous his steeling”. In the first stanza, the knight could have been “steeling” (running a lance through) his consanguineous (bloody) neighbor. But in the second stanza, perhaps “steeling” should be spelled with an “a”, thus: “Stealing”. “Consanguineous” means “of the blood, or of one’s blood” as well, meaning now he has stolen someone’s daughter, wife, concubine, etc. and consummated the deed. Good show!

First, may I thank each of you for entering the contest. I tossed out a very hard form, and you went to bat like the pros that you are. I would dearly love to call this a five-way tie, since five of you wrote excellent winners in my book: ‘Dole, Kandy, Niamh. Petra, and Virgil.

Yet I can only choose one. Niamh, congratulations Best use of punctuation to change meaning in a reversible! You are a winner, and may choose the next form.. http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Appaluse.gif

kandaurov

04-27-2007, 01:16 PM

Yeeeah, Niamh rules!! :D She absolutely deserved it, she's a masterly poetess. And thanks for all the trouble you went through to give us your feedback, Pen, I truly appreciated it! :)

littlewing53

04-27-2007, 01:41 PM

congrats niamh...so enjoyed reading everyone's poems they were all beautifully written...excellent idea pen...even tho i didn't make the deadline it has inspired me to keep writing....

Niamh

04-27-2007, 05:57 PM

:eek: Oh my god! i thought i'd made a mess of that form!:blush:
thank you so much for chosing my poem Pen. I really dont feel like i deserve to be the winner as everyones poems were so wonderful! Virgil, Kand, Riesa, adol and il Pens I really love you poems! Orion yours made me craze pizza!:lol: I'm so flattered!
Thank you for your feed back also Pen. Its nice to get feedback on ones work.(oddly enough... punctuation was what always got me in trouble in english!:D )

As for the next form... i'm not really sure... I dont generally work with form, just go with what comes out of my head. This is only my second time doing something in form, first was a sonnet.(hence why you never see me around the Haiku!) But i'll try come up with something as challenging as yours...

I'll get back to you on that...(unless you came help me Pen?:confused: )

Thank you!:)

Virgil

04-27-2007, 06:09 PM

Great job, Niamh. :thumbs_up :) Very good. I look forward to the next form.

Adolescent09

04-27-2007, 07:30 PM

Well deserved recognition for you, Niamh. Your submitted poem had truly singular lines and reversals as Pendragon obviously noticed.. It's actually quite funny that he quoted the reversal I, myself liked best in your poem. “Courage. I had courage” “Courage, had I courage...!". Kudos to you again, Niamh :)

Niamh

04-28-2007, 05:06 AM

Adolescent09

04-28-2007, 07:33 AM

Oh crap, I'm sorry about that.

Petrarch's Love

04-28-2007, 11:07 AM

Congratulations Niamh! :banana:

And thank's Pen, for the feedback. :)

Pendragon

04-28-2007, 12:07 PM

As I said, this one really needed to be a tie... but how do you do that in our type of contests? One the winner has to pick a picture, and the other a form. Hard to choose a multiple winner in this situtation! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Atlas.gif

Niamh

04-29-2007, 11:03 AM

Hey everyone!
I've selected a new challenge for anyone participating in this contest.
This is a poem by the famous Irish poet Patrick Kavanagh. It is somewhat famous for its style!

Inniskeen Road: July Evening

The bicycles go by in twos and threes -
There's a dance in Billy Brennan's barn tonight,
And there's the half-talk code of mysteries
And the wink-and-elbow language of delight.
Half-past eight and there is not a spot
Upon a mile of road, no shadow thrown
That might turn out a man or woman, not
A footfall tapping secrecies of stone.

I have what every poet hates in spite
Of all the solemn talk of contemplation.
Oh, Alexander Selkirk knew the plight
Of being king and government and nation.
A road, a mile of kingdom. I am king
Of banks and stones and every blooming thing.

Patrick Kavanagh

This is clearly a Petrarchan Sonnet with its octave and sestet. But if you look at it closely it is also a shakespearian sonnet! It has three quatrains and one couplet concluding the poem at the end and has the same rythmn of a shakespearian. It is laid out like a Petrarchan as the octave expresses one thing, the sestet another.
So this is the challenge! To write a poem that is both Petrarchan and shakespearian in its style. Iambic pentameter is optional (to make it a bit different;) )

You have until the 29-may-07...

Goodluck!
Niamh:)

Adolescent09

04-29-2007, 10:12 PM

I’m sorry Niamh. I am not well acquainted with both the Petrarchan (never even heard of it) or Shakespearian styles but I will try my best to write a poem which conveys a similar style (in rhyme, stanza length and syllables) to the one you have quoted. (I think your quoted poem sounds lovely :))

Black Streets Stalk Peter

In the celerity of sunset’s death,
Young Adam flips stones ‘till the pit-pit-patter,
echos beyond stillness of moonlight’s breath,
and makes the milky, white dots supremely fatter.
Young Ike wants wings to transcend the moon
But dreams don’t grow on blackened roots for flight.
His low muttering provides somber tune
as shiftless feet glide mossy stones of night

Peter’s clamor breaks the liquified calms,
as improvisational crows chase his feet.
The sleepers are too tired to have qualms,
so High Pitch River floods the street.
He turns lanes, hits a pole, streaking scarlet
It might've been worse if he had struck a harlot

Niamh

04-30-2007, 05:09 AM

Pendragon

04-30-2007, 12:21 PM

Sonnet For the Ripper

In Whitechapel darkness a shadow would slink,
Who must have been able to pass as a toff;
Searching for fallen angels who had too much to drink—
Then out came the sharp blades as he sliced this or that off.
Some give the number of victims as low as just four,
While others claim as many as a dozen or so—
Cut down in the darkness, dissected, the blood gushing poured,
But the identity of Jack the Ripper is something no one knows—

Drop off another dispatch to the old post, now me luv—
Written in red ink since the proper red stuff has congealed!
Hee-hee! Bet I give the Inspector the fits with this stuff!
Could he but read between the lines, what secrets would be revealed!
But come now, Mary, don’t rise, stay flat off your back:
As you must! Hee-hee! Here’s a toast to saucy old Jack!

Pendragon
© 4/30/07

Niamh

04-30-2007, 12:43 PM

Petrarch's Love

04-30-2007, 01:14 PM

Niamh--I'm a tad confused. The poem you posted just looks like a Shakespearean sonnet to me, apart from the fact that it's formated on the page into eight and six lines. Are you saying the Petrarchan part is just that the volta occurs after the eighth line, or am I missing something?

Niamh

04-30-2007, 01:26 PM

Well usually a petrarchan is one octave split into two quadrains and one sestet that contains 'info' in the first three lines and conludes in the last three. both the octave and the sestet deal with different thoughts or issues of the poems subject. With a shakespearian the sonnet is separated into three quadrains and one concluding couplet. Each quadrain deals with somethoughs and the couplet concludes the poem.
In the peom i posted the Poet Patrick Kavanagh has laid out the poem in the octave and sestet form of the petrarchan, one issue in one and another in the other. But He also splits it up into the quadrains and couplet of a shakespearian. so instead of there being 'three forms of thought' there are only two and then it is concluded.
does that make any sense?

Petrarch's Love

04-30-2007, 04:39 PM

Yes, actually I'm very familiar with both forms. I was confused by what you meant because technically the Kavanagh poem is really a quatrain and couplet at the end, which isn't really a sestet in the traditional sense. Also, it isn't at all unusual for there to be a shift in idea after the second quatrain in a Shakespearean sonnet (this shift is usually referred to as the turn, or the volta). However, placing the volta after the eight line and formatting the poem on the page in this way are doubtless part of the Petrarchan influence on the Shakespearean form, so I see what you mean. I was just unsure as to whether there was somthing else Petrarchan about it that I wasn't seeing. Sorry about the nitpicking (blame the professor in me). I'll hush up now and go write some poetry. :)

Niamh

04-30-2007, 04:46 PM

Petrarch's Love

04-30-2007, 07:49 PM

when i was writing the last post i kept on forgetting terminologies. But i hope you understand what i meant. I had to study this poem in depth for my leaving certificate seven years ago and my teacher went into a lot af detail about this sonnet and its use of two forms.

No worries. I think we're all clear. :) The Kavanagh must have been fun to look at in depth. It's a wonderful poem.

Niamh

05-01-2007, 06:28 AM

Are you going to try the form Petrarch now that you get the gist?:)

Petrarch's Love

05-01-2007, 11:29 AM

Yes indeed, but I've got to slog through some student papers first. :p

Niamh

05-01-2007, 05:10 PM

cant wait to read your contrabution!:D

Niamh

05-05-2007, 07:03 AM

So anyone else going to write a poem in the form? any takers? or have i somewhat killed the thread?

Il Penseroso

05-05-2007, 01:20 PM

It is a hard one, for me any rhyme scheme is. I'll try though, when I get some free time. Good choice.

Petrarch's Love

05-05-2007, 01:22 PM

No, you haven't killed the thread Niamh. We're just all busy thinking, and we've got until the 29th right?

Niamh

05-06-2007, 05:32 AM

Yep. you all have till the 29th.
Goodluck everyone. Hope i havent made things too difficult for you all by choosing this one!

the silent x

05-09-2007, 09:22 PM

could you explain the petrarch in "caveman speak"(really dumbed down) i got lost reading your description, just give me the requirements please

Niamh

05-10-2007, 07:44 AM

could you explain the petrarch in "caveman speak"(really dumbed down) i got lost reading your description, just give me the requirements please

Ok the form of the poem is this,
Petrarchan;
Octave (8 lines) split into two Quatrains (groups of 4 lines)the first carries the same theme into the second.
then there is a Sestet (6 lines, last three used as conclusion) new theme int first three lines leading to the conclusion in the last three.
abba,abba, cde,cde.
laid out with eight lines space six lines

Shakespearian
three Quatrains (groups of 4 lines) three separate themes
then a couplet (2 lines for conclusion)
abab,cdcd,efef,gg
No spaces

The Patrick kavanagh poem is both of these and is laid out like this;
Laid out in Octave and sestet form of petarchan
three quadrains (groups of lines) first two are in the octave same theme
third one is in the sestet different theme
them a concluding couplet (two lines)
i think its
abab, cdcd, ebeb,ff

so its something like this
a--
b :---------
a :Quadrain:
b-- :Octave
c-- :
d :Quadrain:
c :---------
d--

e--
b :---------
e :Quadrain:
b-- :Sestet
f-|couplet :
f-|----------

the silent x

05-10-2007, 07:51 AM

ok, thanks, i may not be able to get this form down, but i'll try

Niamh

05-13-2007, 03:58 PM

Any takers? Anyone willing to try?:(

Pendragon

05-15-2007, 09:48 AM

Good gobbledy-goo! Tell me I am not the only entry! Come on, somebody can beat me! You get in here and try before I withdraw my entry! This is competition! Come on, write! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/BeattheComputer.gif

Niamh

05-15-2007, 05:31 PM

Adol also entered, so i've got two entries. Sorry pen i think i killed the thread.:( Maybe if someone else wants to take over and suggest a better form we might get the ball rolling again....:(

Petrarch's Love

05-15-2007, 07:22 PM

Virgil

05-15-2007, 08:46 PM

Adol also entered, so i've got two entries. Sorry pen i think i killed the thread.:( Maybe if someone else wants to take over and suggest a better form we might get the ball rolling again....:(

No you didn't kill it. I'm sorry Niamh. I've been partly preoccupied and partly uninspired lately. If I got two weeks left I will try to submit something. :)

NickAdams

05-15-2007, 11:43 PM

I'm in. Let me see what I can do. Please tell me if I make a mistake.

NickAdams

05-16-2007, 12:40 AM

What love! Husband and wife for oaths exchanged;
Their garden sowed with faith
Her labor inherits father's name
In a chapel where she waits.

Can not an orbit cease,
nor a reaping be delayed?
At the withering of leaves,
spring and fall are weighed.

What lust! A farmer this mistress made.
More acres to invest,
so depletes the pond within barren land.

The length of one, should a garden lay.
Safe from vermin; safe from pest.
Unexplored and undiscovered.

Niamh

05-16-2007, 07:26 AM

You haven't killed the thread, Niamh. There are two weeks left to submit and people may just be busy. Anyway, here's my two cents:

Scene in a Home

Still life of a bowl of fruit and flowers
Painted on a summer’s day and filled with light,
The ticking clock telling the steady hours
As glowing dawn replaces the dark night,
A vase of spring’s first yellow daffodils,
An open book with half yet to be read,
The whisper breeze crossing the windowsill,
The gentle hand that strokes the resting head.

Deathbed where the hand grasps the sheets
With near skeletal frailty and the ear
Closes to the sound of the clock’s steady beat;
Eye closes to the memory from past years
Of little things enjoyed while she, in quiet hours,
Painted the still life of a bowl of fruit and flowers.
:eek: Wow! well done petrarch!

What love! Husband and wife for oaths exchanged;
Their garden sowed with faith
Her labor inherits father's name
In a chapel where she waits.

Can not an orbit cease,
nor a reaping be delayed?
At the withering of leaves,
spring and fall are weighed.

What lust! A farmer this mistress made.
More acres to invest,
so depletes the pond within barren land.

The length of one, should a garden lay.
Safe from vermin; safe from pest.
Unexplored and undiscovered.

nick yours is a nice poem but the layout is wrong. Have a look at the other entrants and the explaination of the form. Needs restructuring.

Niamh

05-19-2007, 05:25 AM

ten days left for entries! hope more of you accept the challenge!

Niamh

05-22-2007, 03:38 PM

Only seven days left for entries!

SteveH

05-23-2007, 04:59 AM

On William Dyce's 'Pegwell Bay, a recollection of October 5th, 1858' (http://www.classicartrepro.com/data/large/Dyce/Pegwell_Bay_Tate_1860.jpg)

Autumn and Evening make a double ending.
The parchment sky's reflected in the sea.
Two women, both collecting shells, are bending
To look at one. A third waits patiently.
A child who holds a spade is gazing at
Some distant scene or object off the land.
Remoter figures walk across the flat
And rock-strewn beach, or, like the donkeys, stand.

Donati's comet's faintly seen above
The fossil-laden cliffs, whose strata seem
To show, more clearly than a book could prove,
The scale of evolutionary time.
New knowledge strains old certainties. The child
Is looking, maybe, at a coming world.

I wrote this in 1996. I'll try writing a sonnet or other poem specially for future competitions, but I haven't actually written any poems for a year or two - I really ought to get back into the habit.

Donati's comet was visible in October 1858, and in the full-size painting is faintly visible in the sky above the cliffs, but you can't make it out in my linked reproduction, unfortunately, so you'll have to take my word for it!

I've got plenty of other Petrarchan/Shakespearean hybrids: is it done to submit more than one poem to these competitions? (I wouldn't go too mad, of course.)

SteveH

05-23-2007, 05:03 AM

'Scene in a Home' by P.L. (above) is excellent and rather moving. I like the way it comes full circle in a somewhat darker mode from how it started, and the volta is spot-on.

Niamh

05-23-2007, 06:47 AM

You can only submit one entry. Thank you for your poem. Welcome to litnet steveH!

Six days left! Ant other takers?

SteveH

05-26-2007, 05:14 AM

Thanx, Niamh!

Niamh

05-26-2007, 05:23 AM

three days left for entries!

autolycus

05-26-2007, 07:28 AM

A serenade is coursing through my gut:
The wine and other wine and soup and beer,
The pesky discourse of the radiant slut,
The urinary moiety of fear.
Still here to come the stew of Irish style
That loiters with a cannibal intent,
A battery of a salt-and-pepper guile
Provoking now dyspeptic accident.

Then comes the coffee and the last goodbye.
And suddenly the shock is too damn near;
A last tear for the last girl of my eye.
My tent! My hut! My residence so dear!
The lawyers and their wallet-turning thugs
Make alimonious hell of secret hugs.

=====
Note: As Shakespeare did, I have bent the iambic pentameter for euphony and variety. So sue me. *grin*

Niamh

05-28-2007, 04:29 AM

thanks for your entry Auto!
tomorrow is last day for entries!

Lily Adams

05-28-2007, 08:15 PM

*shuffles in*

Mine, since everyone wants me to enter:

Hark, turn your face upward to the night sky
which Nyx has spread her dark torn wings across.
The tears reveal glowing orbs up so high
and they shine brightly for the daytime's loss.
Look closely and see the clusters of light
turn into a stunning great galaxy.
Softly fall upon your face stardust might
as the glowing stars sway and dance lightly.
Glowing blues, yellows, and reds leap as one
and too soon sadly must shrink and decease.
Mourn not: those cherished orbs are not done:
they shall return to shower Earth with peace.
For every death oh so grevious
a re-birth occurs which is glorious.

Niamh

05-29-2007, 03:01 PM

You just made it lily!
Competition closes at 12am tonight! will have results hopefully by thursday!

Niamh

05-30-2007, 12:22 PM

Well this round is now over so its time to choose a winner! Like Pendragon i'm gonna go through each poem separately.
Adolescent09

Adole i really liked your entry and you made a very good attempt of the form! I really liked these to lines most, But i felt that it needed to conclude the sonnet as a whole.

Black Streets Stalk Peter

He turns lanes, hits a pole, streaking scarlet
It might've been worse if he had struck a harlot

Pendragon

Pen i love the theme of your sonnet, it really worked well with this form. I must admit i loved your Sestet. It's almost cunning, if thats the right word for it! Congrats!

Sonnet For the Ripper

Drop off another dispatch to the old post, now me luv—
Written in red ink since the proper red stuff has congealed!
Hee-hee! Bet I give the Inspector the fits with this stuff!
Could he but read between the lines, what secrets would be revealed!
But come now, Mary, don’t rise, stay flat off your back:
As you must! Hee-hee! Here’s a toast to saucy old Jack!

Pendragon
© 4/30/07

Petrarchs love

Well Petrarch, you understood me in the end. This is a wonderful sonnet, so full of meaning and it stirs the emotion. i think the most important part of a sonnet is the strength of the concluding couplet. Yours makes one want to read it again and again. Weldone.

Scene in a Home

"Still life of a bowl of fruit and flowers
Painted on a summer’s day and filled with light,"

"Of little things enjoyed while she, in quiet hours,
Painted the still life of a bowl of fruit and flowers. "

Nick Adams

Nick this was a nice poem but unfortunately, as i said in a previous post, the form wasnt right and needed ajustment. Sorry. i really liked this stanza though.

What love! Husband and wife for oaths exchanged;

What lust! A farmer this mistress made.
More acres to invest,
so depletes the pond within barren land.

SteveH

Like Petrarch your poem does justice to the form, which you already have an understanding of. I also liked the theme. It is a wonderful tribute. I particularly liked these lines. Weldone and thank you for your entry!

On William Dyce's 'Pegwell Bay, a recollection of October 5th, 1858' (http://www.classicartrepro.com/data/large/Dyce/Pegwell_Bay_Tate_1860.jpg)

"A child who holds a spade is gazing at
Some distant scene or object off the land."

"New knowledge strains old certainties. The child
Is looking, maybe, at a coming world."

Autolycus

Another well written Sonnet in the form. there is a great feel to the rhyme of the Sonnet. weldone! I really liked these lines, particularly the last one.:D I like it!

"A last tear for the last girl of my eye."

"The lawyers and their wallet-turning thugs
Make alimonious hell of secret hugs."

=====
Note: As Shakespeare did, I have bent the iambic pentameter for euphony and variety. So sue me. *grin*

Lily Adams

Lily i posted your intire poem as i wanted to see if it worked with the petrarchan lay out and i think it does! I love the imagery. To me i feel that it does capture the essense of the night sky. A remarkable poem for someone so young!

Hark, turn your face upward to the night sky
which Nyx has spread her dark torn wings across.
The tears reveal glowing orbs up so high
and they shine brightly for the daytime's loss.
Look closely and see the clusters of light
turn into a stunning great galaxy.
Softly fall upon your face stardust might
as the glowing stars sway and dance lightly.

Glowing blues, yellows, and reds leap as one
and too soon sadly must shrink and decease.
Mourn not: those cherished orbs are not done:
they shall return to shower Earth with peace.
For every death oh so grevious
a re-birth occurs which is glorious.

i have had the same problem that Pendragon had in the last round. I am finding it very hard to choose a winner as most of the poems are of great standard.
The talent of the entrants is remarkable and i would like to thank everyone who has entered the competition.
Nick thanks for entering
Adol, and Pen your talent never ceases to amaze me!
Lily, for a fourteen year old, you are on your way to being a very talented poet. Stick to the form and stick to what you like and Know!
Petrarch and Autolycus, Your poems both contained strength and emotion.
And SteveH, your knowledge of the form, meant that you could work that theme into the form quite well.
But alas i can only select one winner and the winner is Petrarchs Love.
I choose your Sonnet not only for the form structure but also for the theme and your amazing couplet. As steveH mentioned previously it went full circle, ending in a darker note than what it began with, taking in the view of the first few lines as a memory in the last.
Three cheers for Petrarch! :banana: :banana: :banana:

NickAdams

05-30-2007, 01:16 PM

Niamh,

Thank you. I never had a chance to do another one, but I'm ready for the next go.

Niamh

05-30-2007, 03:36 PM

No worries Nick! The next form is up to Petrarch so we all have to be patient. Should be interesting!

Petrarch's Love

05-30-2007, 09:49 PM

Wow, thank you Niamh. I'm honored to be chosen from amongst so many talented sonneteers.

Also, thanks to Steve H. for your kind words about my poem, which I had somehow missed earlier. By the way, Steve, welcome to the forums, and I also like your sonnet on the painting. You should give our picture poetry contest a try. I bet you would do well.

Now I've got to go scratch my head and come up with a form for all these talented poets to write in. I'll post as soon as I come up with it, but first I need to go eat dinner.

Niamh

05-31-2007, 08:41 AM

Congratulations Petrarch! Dont leave us waiting too long!

Petrarch's Love

05-31-2007, 11:28 AM

No more waiting. Sorry about that. Got completely distracted last night and neglected to come back and post.

For the form this round I thought perhaps a sestina, but that's a rather long undertaking, so instead I'll suggest a variant on the sestina, which as far as I know I've invented, and which I'll call the Quatrina. The quatrina consists of four quatrains and the lines of each quatrain end in the same four words, but in different order. Here's a little outline of what the ending words for the lines would be for each quatrain:

Word 1
Word 2
Word 3
Word 4

Word 2
Word 3
Word 4
Word 1

Word 3
Word 4
Word 1
Word 2

Word 4
Word 1
Word 2
Word 3

To make it clearer here's an example I penned myself. Not a great poem since I both came up with the form and wrote this in about twenty minutes :p, but it will give you the idea and leave lots of room for you to improve on the form with your own brilliant style. :) Also, I chose to use a rhyme scheme, but I'll leave it up to the poets what sort of rhyme scheme they apply and whether they want to rhyme at all. Ditto with the meter. The main thing is to have the words repeated from stanza to stanza.

Breaking the tense stillness of the night,
Breaking the stifled darkness comes a song
From an apartment window square of light
Singing of the man that done her wrong.

In rich alto tones song follows song
Making a gospel shift to souls that find the light
After long blindness and long living wrong.
Awake! Yes Lord, awake from spiritual night.

And the jewel toned notes float smooth and light
Coloring all the world right where it was wrong
Warming the cold heart of the friendless night
Until an aching high note ends the final song.

The apartment window dims, and the lonely wrong
Of darkness returns to the street below. The night
Returns to its own strange smothered song
And I walk on beneath the yellowed city light.

Petrarch's Love

05-31-2007, 11:31 AM

Forgot to post a deadline for this contest. I'm going to make it June 22nd, which should give me enough time to transplant myself back to California for the summer, and you enough time to write amazing poems.

autolycus

05-31-2007, 12:05 PM

Pendragon

05-31-2007, 08:27 PM

I kinda fiqured you'd take this round, Petra! Love the way people keep coming up with these new forms! When I started this thread I was afraid it would fizzle quickly into free verse, you have amazed me! I look forward to trying this new form! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Smirk.gif

Petrarch's Love

05-31-2007, 10:02 PM

Congrats, Petrach's Love!

I am thankful to you that it is not a full 2/3 sestina, or it would probably have to end with a couplet containing all 4 words as well... *grin* and in iambic tetrameter or some such.

Thanks, Auto, and yes, I think it's very good that I didn't go for a 2/3 sestina.:lol: I tried to figure out something that might work as the equivilent of the final stanza in the sestina, but I figured this way was much easier.

I kinda fiqured you'd take this round, Petra! Love the way people keep coming up with these new forms! When I started this thread I was afraid it would fizzle quickly into free verse, you have amazed me! I look forward to trying this new form!

Thanks, Pen. As for things fizzling into free verse, I very nearly assigned a villanelle for this round, but took pity on everyone after all. ;) This form isn't nearly as creative as your backwards-forwards one, but I do very much look forward to seeing what you and all the other talented poets come up with.

Lily Adams

05-31-2007, 10:52 PM

Wow! Congrats to Petrarch's Love! Great job!

I can see why you had trouble choosing the winner.

Thanks for the compliment, Miss Niamh. :) 'Twas not much of a poem...

UltimaHybrid

05-31-2007, 11:36 PM

can i post my poem??or is it too late??

UltimaHybrid

05-31-2007, 11:37 PM

:thumbs_up :D oops nevermind.. uh congratz

NickAdams

06-01-2007, 10:30 AM

The Field

Away from the field
into the forest;
Surrounded by trees
under the moon.

Surrounded by trees
under the moon;
Away from the field,
in the forest.

In the forest,
away from the field;
Under the moon
surrounded by trees.

The sun replaces the moon-
away from trees,
away from the forest,
and onto the field.

Pendragon

06-02-2007, 08:52 AM

You get inspiration at the oddest hours...

Permanent Solutions Unnecessary

All you can hear is pitter-patter of falling tears,
All you can feel is a heart so filled with the pain;
Deeper and deeper you descend into loneliness—
Thinking of jumping off the cliff of your despair…

You never knew there was so much pain,
Or how awfully cruel could be that loneliness;
On the very edge of your leap of despair,
You raise to the heavens eyes filled with tears…

But you see only the moment in your terrible loneliness,
What good is life if you must always live in despair?
Straining for words of a prayer, through salty tears:
“Oh, dear God! I just cannot take any more of this pain…”

Can there be a light that shines even in darkest despair,
A beckoning beacon one only sees through one's tears?
Can there be a place where there is comfort from pain,
And someone to hold your hand—bring an end—to loneliness…?

© 6/2/07
Pendragon

Bii

06-03-2007, 05:06 PM

Well, never tried this before but this is my effort - hope you like it!

Chemical Dreams

I fall awake from chemical dreams
absorbing the sleepy light of day.
Knowing that all is not as it seems;
wondering whether I’m here to stay.

I have a feeling about this day
the light is heavier than it seems.
The gathering clouds are here to stay;
billowing darkly around my dreams

Time passes slowly, or so it seems;
a wandering moment is here to stay.
Settling softly within my dreams
breathing the warmth of a summer’s day.

So here in this moment I will stay
cushioned within my chemical dreams.
No more to feel the cold light of day;
knowing that all is not as it seems.

SteveH

06-04-2007, 05:37 AM

I'll have a go soon.

I invented a sestina variant once - three-line stanzas and a one-and-a-half line envoi. I called it a triolina. I only wrote one, though, and it was crap.

Petrarch's Love

06-04-2007, 12:38 PM

Just had a chance to take a closer look at our entries so far, which are all great poems. Keep 'em coming folks. :)

Just one problem, however. Nick Adams, you've submitted a nice poem, and I like your guts in not just repeating the whole line rather than just the end word, but it doesn't quite follow the form. The end words should be rotated in a specific pattern (see the numbers in my initial post) so that, if your first stanza is "field, forest, trees moon," then your second stanza should be "forest, trees, moon, field" etc. Let me know if you're confused about this and would like me to explain more.

NickAdams

06-05-2007, 04:45 PM

UltimaHybrid

06-05-2007, 09:41 PM

I take my Fear and my Humilation
I crush it into my Fist
I open up my hand i have Diamonds
My Diamonds are my Rage
I have Diamonds in my eyes

i made some arrangements.and corrections to this poem...

SteveH

06-07-2007, 05:22 AM

If this is a variant of the sestina, shouldn't it have a two-line envoy at the end, to correspond to the sestina's three-line envoy, in which half the repeating words appear at the end of the lines and the other half somewhere within them?

Be that as it may, here's my effort, with envoy. The title, which supplies the four repeating words, is the slogan from a late-19th or early-20th century advertisment for the Hook Norton Brewery Co. Ltd., a reproduction of which I've got on a poster on my living-room wall. Click here. (http://beerinnprint.co.uk/description.php?prodid=672)

Celebrated Ales and Stout

Let malt and hops in verse be celebrated!
Sing we the praises of all types of ales -
Of India Pale, of Bitter, Pilsner, Mild, and
Of Porter, famous ancestor of Stout.

Belgium has Trappist, Lambic, Kriek: dry Stout,
As made in Ireland,'s justly celebrated.
Britain invented India Pale Ales
And Bitter and Old Ale and Porter and

Lots more besides. Pilsner's from Germany and
The Czech Republic. Oddly, Russian Stout
Has British origins - it's celebrated
As star and Tsar among the strongest ales:

So raise your tankards to the drink that stout
Yeomen have always drunk and celebrated:
Harriestoun's, Theakston's, Fuller's, Jenning's ales,
And Chimay, Aass, Leffe, Hoegaarden, and

Hook Norton Brewery's celebrated Ales,
Robinson's 'Old Tom'*, and Titanic stout.

*King of beers! (imo.)
http://www.mit.jyu.fi/mweber/blog/images/Old_Tom.jpg

autolycus

06-07-2007, 10:48 AM

or, pharmaceuticals and elder gods

In the great house He lies dreaming
The sleep is deep, not permanent;
In some far future chemical
Cold equations find solution.

What the cold has made permanent
Is the house of things chemical;
Man searches deep for solution
To the far hope which lies dreaming.

The cold makes it smell chemical;
These machines house a solution.
What in vasty deep lies dreaming
Has life not far from permanent.

Far submerged and in solution,
The cold subject still lies, dreaming
His house forever permanent;
In the deep stir things chemical.

Can lies dreaming find solution?
Truth, permanent or chemical?

=====
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cthulhu) R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn

Shurtugal

06-09-2007, 02:35 PM

hello creatures of the world. i'm new here, so i am inquiring are these poems one you have created. or have they come from books that you have read? i am inquiring because i am a young ( very, very young) writer. truthfully, i haven't even published anything. i just consider my self one because i love to write. i have severl poems i have written and would like to post them. thanks for the help.

P.S. Mor'ranr lifa unin hjatta onr- you'd have to read "Eldest to find out what i just said.

Bii

06-09-2007, 03:08 PM

Hi Shurtugal and welcome to the forums.

All poetry posted on this part of the forum is original work (ie. stuff we've written ourselves!). Most of us haven't been published either so you're in good company, and you're most definitely a writer as long as you love doing it.

We always look forward to seeing new work so post away (just so long as you stick to the forum rules - no more than one a day!), and I look forward to reading your work.

Shurtugal

06-10-2007, 11:51 PM

ok, thank you Bii, but if the rules posting only one a day i'll be posting for a long time =). well that's ok, here's the first one. (i also have a tune for this as a song)

"Remmber"

When I die don't rember me for my bravery.
When I die don't remember me for my luck.
Don't remember for the joy I have given you,
But remember me for my love.

When I die don't remember me for my strength.
Please, don't remember me for my wrong.
This is all I will ask for, this all I plead.
Remember my love, when you remember me.

When I leave you don't think of crying,
'Cause I'm in a better place.
Don't think of peace I did or didn't make.
But remember the love I gave,
Yeah, remember the love I gave.

'Cause without it there'd be no kindness,
Only sorrow, pain, and hate.
Without love there'd be no peace or happiness.
This whole world would fall apart in a day.

Some people are remembered for thier justice.
Some, sadly, for thier lack of faith.
I'm not saying I don't have those qualities,
Just remember the love I gave.

so how do you all like it?

Shurtugal

06-11-2007, 01:23 AM

sorry, my computore went stupid. =). i didn't mean to post this. i'll explain another time.-Argetlam

symphony

06-12-2007, 12:13 AM

Ah interesting form, Petra. :)
I'm not that good with forms, but I'll see what I can do (IF I can do anything, that is!). Soon. :)

symphony

06-12-2007, 12:56 PM

Okay I'm done.
There were no mention of syllable limits in the form given by Petra, but I chose 12-each anyway, 8 would have been better i know, but *shrug* 12 is a multiple of 4 too! :p
Plus, just in case, I chose to add the envoy too, like SteveH and some others have done. But instead of putting half the repeating words somewhere in the middle I put them terminally, that is- half at the end, the other half at the beginning. It somehow sounded better that way, and since the envoy wasnt in the given form I hope it doesnt hurt to treat that part my own way. ;)

Okay so here's my first attempt at a form poetry (unless u count little haikus):

A Romantic Euphony

Memories afresh! I’ve tasted paradise once.
‘Twas all restless lips, skipping beats, candid romance.
Spring was afoot, air flavored full with fresh fragrance—
Ever joyous my soul was, captive in a trance.

Wine cascaded down the gold chalice of romance,
Violets cheered, and bluebells offered their fragrance.
Time stood still, whilst I sunk deeper into the trance.
Memories afresh! I’ve knocked on heaven’s doors once!

Doors flew open! That unforgettable fragrance
Gripped heaven’s chambers illumined, touching the trance.
Memories afresh! I have embraced Eden once!
Love flew dove- like, o’er our aromatic romance.

Now I chase the dove, strive to touch the lifted trance,
But ‘tis, alas, long lifted, like you left me once
The spell was broken, dying embers of romance
Shushed; away you flew with the remnants of fragrance.

Once blooming bluebells died, snuffing out its fragrance.
Romance wilted, pale petals brought a fatal trance.

Shurtugal

06-14-2007, 12:55 AM

Bii

06-14-2007, 03:57 AM

it's beautiful! really is, symphony. i like it a lot.

well here's another of mine.(i wrote this a year ago when i saw an friend at our biblestudy)

"Imagination"

Is it my imagination?
Or did he smile at me;
What does it mean?
Does he like me?
Or did he laugh?
My hands quiver.
What?! Should I talk to him.
No, I'm crazy.

He wears a hat;
But his eyes see right threw that- to me.
He's defenetly looking at me.
It is not my imagination.
He likes me.

so how do you like. i want lots of feed back (even if that means you say it's stupid) thanks, shurtugal.

Hi Shurtugal - you need to post your poems in the "Personal poetry" section - this particular thread relates to a specific form of poem (it's a sort of competition).

Sorry if I mislead you with my earlier post. Bii

symphony

06-14-2007, 09:09 AM

it's beautiful! really is, symphony. i like it a lot.

well here's another of mine.(i wrote this a year ago when i saw an friend at our biblestudy)

"Imagination"

Is it my imagination?
Or did he smile at me;
What does it mean?
Does he like me?
Or did he laugh?
My hands quiver.
What?! Should I talk to him.
No, I'm crazy.

He wears a hat;
But his eyes see right threw that- to me.
He's defenetly looking at me.
It is not my imagination.
He likes me.

so how do you like. i want lots of feed back (even if that means you say it's stupid) thanks, shurtugal.

Thanks a lot Shurtugal :) . But this thread is not for all poems i'm afraid, u should start a new thread for ur personal poems and post them there in the Personal Poetry section. Bii is right, there's only room for poems under the given form here in this thread. Please post ur poems in the right place to get the right feedbacks :) .

Shurtugal

06-14-2007, 03:48 PM

ok. thanks

Petrarch's Love

06-27-2007, 06:45 PM

Technically this round of the contest was over about five days ago but since I've been away due to travel and then unexpected family related issues, and there don't seem to be a host of new poems, I'm going to extend the deadline to July 7th and definitely pick a winner then. I don't want this thread to die on my hands (or at all, if it comes to that) so get writing all you brilliant poets! :)

the silent x

06-27-2007, 09:55 PM

The Dance of Doom Between Thunder and Lightning

Lightning flashes across the sky
Thunder hits you before the lightning dies
It slams and splashes across the land
Like God was a drummer in a rock band

Thundering lightning and rain that never dies
Washes the sea, rivers and the land
Lightning sketches, in the sky, a shimmering band,
While the rain etches floods in the dark, roiling sky.

As I stand looking out across this thunderstruck land
There the people gaze at the man above the three colored band
The one with his face pointed at the sky
He stops breathing as he thinks of his dream where the whole world dies

The sweat appears like a glossy band
As his eyes clear, so does the sky,
With the sun glowing red in breaks apart and dies
Throwing its solar debris over our unprotected land

Petrarch's Love

07-06-2007, 08:28 PM

Just a reminder that if anyone wants to submit a last minute poem, the deadline is the end of tomorrow. Otherwise I'll choose from among the lovely submissions that are already up.

ampoule

07-07-2007, 06:24 AM

Just a reminder that if anyone wants to submit a last minute poem, the deadline is the end of tomorrow. Otherwise I'll choose from among the lovely submissions that are already up.

Could you repost your original post because I can't seem to find it and I can't make any sense out of people's posts? Thank you. :)

symphony

07-07-2007, 07:42 AM

ampoule

07-07-2007, 10:55 AM

thank you symphony. i will give it the old college try. ;)

Petrarch's Love

07-08-2007, 07:56 PM

It being the day after the deadline (sorry Ampoule, hope you enter the next round, or if you've already written something, share it with us anyway :)) I've chosen a winner, but first some comments for everyone:

Nick Adams—As I said before, your poem doesn’t quite follow the rules of the form in the order of the repeated end words for each stanza, but this is a minor thing. Overall I liked the haiku-like simplicity of this poem and the nature theme. You also used the repetition to good effect with sparse, short lines, and I like the way you actually repeat whole lines across the first three stanzas.

Pen—You did a lovely job with this form, and I like the way you used the fourth stanza to make a turn from thoughts of despair to a prayer for comfort. I was actually quite moved by this poem. You’ve used the repetition well to underline the emotion of how tears, pain, loneliness and despair can wear a person down, and I liked the last line—the simple act of someone holding your hand to bring an end to the loneliness.

Bii—You were the first to take on the challenge of rhyming your end words as well as repeating them, and it turned out great. You have some really excellent lines in this poem, including the opening line, “I fall awake from chemical dreams.” That’s the type of line that will stick in people’s heads.

SteveH—You were the trend setter of the crowd who elaborated on the original form by adding a neat little envoy, which I see was much mimicked by those who followed. Your poem brought a smile and warmed the heart of a fellow lover of celebrated ales and stouts. Though I’ll confess that your accompanying picture brought on a wistful sigh that Old Tom is not more readily available in these United States.

Autolycus—This is an interesting outing, and I like the way your language falls together. This poem evokes some fascinating images and there’s a definite feeling to it about progress and technology and the way it is influencing our present and future. I have to confess, though, that I did find the poem very ambiguous, that is I couldn’t tell if there was some particular subject you were addressing. For example, the “he” of the first line “In the great house He lies dreaming” I interpreted in many diverse ways, including a person awaiting a cure for a disease, a person in a cryogenic state, an inventor dreaming of a chemical cure, a chemical itself of some kind. This ambiguity is not, of course, necessarily a bad thing and is thought provoking in and of itself, unless you did have something specific in mind that you strongly wanted to convey to the reader.

Symphony—A romantic outpouring of images and song! I like the unabashed romantic theme of this poem, and you have some nice lines. For example, I liked the imagery from the second line: “restless lips, skipping beats, candid romance.” The one thing I would comment on is your archaic diction. I would cut out words like “ ‘Twas,” “whilst” and “’tis” in a poem like this because I think they tend to put this already very romanticized poem over the top. This is, of course, one person’s opnion though, and overall I enjoyed reading the submission.

silent x—This is a strong poem with a great use of the rhyme and some neat imagery. I like the idea of God as drummer in a rock band—it’s a great contemporary metaphor for thunder—and I enjoyed the final two lines With the sun glowing red in breaks apart and dies/Throwing its solar debris over our unprotected land.” The only thing I might have changed about this poem is to give the lines a more regular meter, since I think a driving beat throughout, along with the rhyme would have really made it a tight poem. Somehow I can picture this as the lyrics to a rock song with a sensational music video to accompany it.

The choice was difficult among all these talented submissions, but I’ve decided to award the victory to Bii for “Chemical Dreams.” That first line really grabbed me, and the rest followed through beautifully. Congratulations, Bii, and we all look forward to seeing what form you choose next.

autolycus

07-09-2007, 07:18 AM

*grin* thank you Petrarch's Love, although I didn't win, I managed to convey to you almost every single meaning that I wanted to convey. Although I must admit the Cthulhu reference was the one I liked best. The ambiguity was most deliberate, it took a lot of effort, but for some reason, I am truly glad I didn't win... the Elder Gods might have risen from the depths. ;-)

And congratulations to Bii, who inspired my own poem with that delectable title!

Pendragon

07-09-2007, 09:52 AM

Way to go, B! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Stinger.gifhttp://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/BlowaKiss.gif

Pen

symphony

07-09-2007, 09:55 AM

CONGRATS Bii :D i read the other submissions just now and i loved ur poem, it has this amazing unusual aura about it! Beautiful! :thumbs_up
Looking forward to the form u come up with. :) Congrats again ;) .

Bii

07-09-2007, 02:06 PM

Ooh! Thanks Petrarch & thanks to everyone for the kind comments (I'm feeling very happy now!) :blush:

I think my favourite poetic form is the nonnet so I think I'll choose this for the next form, mainly because once you've written one you want to write lots and lots of them, and they look nice too!

The nonnet is a nine line poem with a reducing syllable count. Each line has a syllable count as follows:

Line 1 : 9 syllables
Line 2 : 8 syllables
Line 3 : 7 syllables
Line 4 : 6 syllables
Line 5 : 5 syllables
Line 6 : 4 syllables
Line 7 : 3 syllables
Line 8 : 2 syllables
Line 9 : 1 syllable

The following is my example of a nonnet:

Standing at the edge of the water
conscious only of sensations;
bare feet licked by dog-like waves,
the freshness of sea spray
on my skin.The warm
salt taste on my
mouth reminds
me of
you.

Which is not great, but should give you the general idea.

Deadline for entries is 10th August so get writing!

the silent x

07-09-2007, 03:43 PM

congrats bii,

petrarch,
i was trying to get a beat to it but was having trouble making my vocabulary fit into the rhyme scheme

ampoule

07-09-2007, 03:55 PM

It being the day after the deadline (sorry Ampoule, hope you enter the next round, or if you've already written something, share it with us anyway :))

How sweet of you. I should have come back and told you I just couldn't do it. I will certainly try another time.

I would love to see you all come and write a poem for the 'and the word is' thread.
Now, to go back and read your comments and what the next form will be.

Adolescent09

07-09-2007, 04:05 PM

Prenatal anger is birthed in me
and tears my threshold of kindness;
it spits it up and shears out
A worn deflating lump.
This lump of my heart
soon flattens quick,
Till there is
Nothing
Left

Pendragon

07-10-2007, 09:13 AM

I hope I counted correctly, B. A nice form.

Excalibur

Vanishing slowly into the mist,
The arm and the sword sank from sight—
The Lady of the Lake reclaims
The blade lent to Arthur,
Excalibur home—
“What saw ye now?”
“A hand rose.”
“True knight!”
“Peace…”

Pendragon
© 7/10/07

AuntShecky

07-10-2007, 11:16 AM

Today (July 10) is National Clerihew Day[/SIZE]

This is a humorous, "pseudo-biographical" quatrain consisting of 2 rhyming couplets . The form was invented
by Edmund Clerihew Bentley who came up with the idea
as a young lad when he was trying to do his homework. The name of the subject, usually a celebrity, appears at the end of Line One. (So you're more likely to find a Clerihew about someone whose name is easy to rhyme,
like Donald Trump or Condoleeza Rice say, as opposed to
David Ignatow or Zbignew Bzrzenski.)

To honor Mr. Bentley, it would be appropriate if the Forum's
participants posted a Clerihew. (I'd post one myself, but
is the rule only one poem a day? I will post my All Star
Baseball poem presently.)

AuntShecky

07-10-2007, 11:39 AM

That's
"Brzezinski."

AuntShecky

07-10-2007, 11:43 AM

Baseball purists will ignore the All Star Game tonight, no doubt.But writers have an affinity with the Grand Old Game. Remember Marianne Moore? "Writing is exciting/
and baseball is like writing. / You can never tell with either/
how it will go
or what you will do. . ."
Here's my baseball poem:

Rewind

Inside the park home run!
Safe!
Home plate ump outstretches his arms.
too late.
Delivery to the catcher
runner slides-------------
who fires it home
cut off by the second baseman
the throw
the sprint from third
base coach waves ‘im in
finally retrieved by the center fielder
the ball ricochets against the wall
it’s heading for the corner
the runner rounding second
he still can't get it!
The right-fielder chases–
It’s going down the line!
Wait–it’s rolling–
Fair ball!
he busts out of the box
–-a line towards first --
and the swing--
center of the plate--
the pitcher deals –
Here’s the wind-up –
He’s looking for a fastball inside
Now here’s a guy who’s as good as anybody with a bat
Two outs
Nobody on.

Adolescent09

07-10-2007, 01:58 PM

I hope I counted correctly, B. A nice form.

Excalibur

Vanishing slowly into the mist,
The arm and the sword sank from sight—
The Lady of the Lake reclaimed
The blade lent to Arthur,
Excalibur home—
“What saw ye now?”
“A hand rose.”
“True knight!”
“Peace…”

Pendragon
© 7/10/07

Beautiful.. but it's a bit off Pen.. Yours goes 9,8,8,6,5,4,3,2,1
Just lose one syllable in the third line :).

Bii

07-10-2007, 02:01 PM

Hi AuntShecky and welcome to the forums.

This thread is a sort of contest for poems in a specific form - the current form is the nonnet and the deadline is 10th August (see my earlier post for details). Other poetry needs to be posted in the "Personal Poetry" section of the site, where more people are likely to pick it up.

Pensive

07-11-2007, 12:22 AM

Wow, there are some really good entries here! :) Here is a weak first try of mine in this contest.

She heads towards the railway station
eager to meet her darling son
the feeling of happiness
not leaving her until-
the stormy last train
she waited for
approaches
without
him.

SteveH

07-11-2007, 04:55 AM

Thanks for the kind comments on my effort.
I wrote a Nonnet some time ago - I'll have to dig it out (or write a new one).

autolycus

07-11-2007, 06:17 AM

Nine rings for mortal men doomed to die...
Eight years old when she read those lines -
Seven was always missing.
Six days a work-week and
Five people searching
For a childhood:
Three houses
To be
One

Virgil

07-14-2007, 11:37 PM

OK here's my entry.

Watermelon

The sweet slice, refrigerator chilled,
Marble lined into the habit
Of love, I standing by the
Kitchen sink, gnaw noshing
The red flesh, your arms
Wrap me solid
As you nip
At my
Ear.

the silent x

07-15-2007, 07:03 AM

here's my shot at it, if it's hard to understand, i'm sorry but i couldn't do much with i had, a challenging form

Shadow Moon

Two lands exist in all reflections,
one in the Light, one in Shadow,
lost, broken, are accepted,
to like I, walk both worlds.
Life mirrors the Dead,
just as the moon
mirrors the
Shadow
Moon.

Il Penseroso

07-16-2007, 12:19 AM

I like that one very much Virgil. I had never heard of the word 'noshing' though, I had to look it up.

A corpulent phrase recedes in ears,
stepping lightly through spiral folds.
Crestless ripples sink along
deserted banks of sand
worn by tired waves,
like seashell sounds
stilled to sleep,
needing
rest.

Virgil

07-16-2007, 06:56 AM

Thank you Pensero. Lots of good ones in this one, including yours.

Bii

07-16-2007, 07:07 AM

Yes, lots of good nonnets so far - keep them coming!

Pendragon

07-16-2007, 07:01 PM

Beautiful.. but it's a bit off Pen.. Yours goes 9,8,8,6,5,4,3,2,1
Just lose one syllable in the third line :).
Thanks, B! I think I fixed it. As I have said before, all our different accents come up with different syllable counts, but it didn't hurt the poem! I'm Southern USA, and we tend to either drop syllables or draw them out, one or t'other. Even those of us who are well educated... You'd be surprized how many times I've heard College professors use "ain't" around here!

Pen

http://www.cosgan.de/images/kao/froehlich/a055.gif

Orionsbelt

07-17-2007, 03:42 PM

Dancing to a warm breeze one sleek leaf
Turns free the leading hand once held
Once, twice, three times spinning down
Stop now lay still softly
Solo on the ground
Resting waiting
For the next
Rhythmic
Breath
:cool:

dibyendra

07-18-2007, 05:27 AM

I have already posted this poem titled "Moments of bliss" in personal poetry but I thought to put my poem in this contest too. Hope you all will love this poem.

Moments of bliss

we fight with fears and struggle to exist
we cherish the moments which make us want to live

we explore meaning of life and reasons to live
we make changes for what we think and what we believe

we see this world and people and we imitate
we are never satisfied of what we have and for what we get

we share time of our life with our family and friends
we keep these moments as memories until the end

we go through bittersweet moments and wait for one fine day
we keep the faith and live in prayers to see true smile on our face

we strive to fulfill our dreams and to find a better life
we seek for place to rest our head with peace of mind

we live on social bonds and faith upon each other
we live for our loved ones and wish to make it stronger

we try to touch the stars yet they are out of reach
we keep ourselves eternally engaged for the moments of bliss

CdnReader

07-18-2007, 07:12 PM

Too many great poems already posted with this format, but here's mine anyways. :)

.
Superimposed on this life's visions
lie the grey dreams of others past....
misty recollections of
unconquered enemies,
unfulfilled desires,
unfinished plans,
misplaced trust,
love's grace
lost.
.

symphony

07-21-2007, 11:07 AM

The Sun

My opening eyes purpled the dawn.
It was I who azured the morn,
I who stroked the day golden,
I who yellowed the noon,
Till my sleepy eyes
Marooned the dusk,
And my sleep
Dimmed the
Night.

stephofthenight

07-27-2007, 12:39 PM

standing on the bank remebering
blissfull love shared so delictly
silently dreaming of love
moments spent together
dancing under the stars
haunting her dreams
replaying again
in loves
past

i hope this is right...im not sure thou

stephofthenight

07-27-2007, 12:42 PM

Petrarch's Love

07-27-2007, 02:45 PM

Vita

Birth pulled reluctantly from womb's warmth
Mother singing to soothe the cries.
First steps into childhood play.
First time lips meet warm lips.
Passion and then pangs.
First child in arms.
Passing fast.
Last gasp.
Birth.

Petrarch's Love

07-27-2007, 02:46 PM

Oops. Somehow posted twice. Mea culpa.

Orionsbelt

07-27-2007, 04:25 PM

this is realy good, i realy like how you ended it
steph

Thank you very much. You are very gracious.:)

Morocspeare

07-28-2007, 05:00 PM

Water from the skies purifying soul

Show gratitude to the one who has FED
All mankind all races as a whole
To the straight path you will be led
fantasy and temptation ?don't be fool
The stars of Ahlo AL Bayet Abraham 's seed
Miracles you shall bear and reaching goal
Assalam is most merciful powerful indeed

Lacking trust and harmony are slaves of shame
Listening to wrong doers is the way to be lost
Those who fought for true equality not fame
Leaders on earth and in heaven host
Blessed are those who heard his name
And arrogant Criminals will be toast

On earth we seek Allah's forgiveness
Mercy and pardon opens heaven
Living in peace and righteousness
We shall met the pious in Eden
Clear hearts free from selfishness
My parents my family and me Amen

Depart all kind of evil and Jealousy
Guide us to light and not darkness
Rescue us and demolish our Enemy
Grant us victory and days of brightness
Turn back Oh Allah and make it easy
The right and justice of the chosen ones

We pray for a change and revolution
Call them ya Al Mahdi from the grave
Earth or sky Ahlo Al Bayet institution
Our Creator listens to those who grieve
We shall get along and live in Union
It was his prayers Mohamed the Brave

Bii

08-04-2007, 04:41 AM

There's been some great entries so far - keep 'em coming!

Bii

08-07-2007, 03:27 AM

Only a few more days to go......

ampoule

08-08-2007, 07:10 PM

Dream Sleep

See the little girl on the hillside
Lying in the wavy grasses
Like a young lioness waits
Lazily watching clouds
So content with life
Blinking, yawning
Sleeping now
Breath that's
Deep

the silent x

08-08-2007, 10:12 PM

when's the judging again?

Pensive

08-08-2007, 10:20 PM

when's the judging again?

On tenth of August which means tomorrow.

DarkZZ

08-08-2007, 11:49 PM

Hey this is my first post! Anyways I found writing a nonnet rather fun. I hope you enjoy.

I walked alone among the rank vines
that clung to crumbling colonnades
and bowed airy spires with weight
so great from ancient growth,
choking out the wind
whispered to me,
"Have not you
learned this
time?"

Bii

08-09-2007, 01:33 PM

One day to go.....

Bii

08-11-2007, 07:19 AM

OK, so the time for judging is here! Phew, this has been such a difficult task, they are all really good poems and you've made it hard for me to choose. But there has to be a winner. First a word about all the poems:

Adol : Oh the pain in this poem, it’s so palpable it makes me want to find you and give you a hug. The anger and pain is visceral, and the language used to describe it is perfect. I love ‘it spits it up’ ‘a worn deflating lump’, and the ending ‘til there is nothing left’. I hope this isn’t how you feel Adol, yet the poem has a personal quality to it which makes me worry that it is. Are you still with us? I hope you are.

Autolycus : This is very, very clever! I love ‘Seven was always missing’ and ‘five people searching for a childhood’. Are the ‘Nine rings for mortal men’ an allusion to Lord of the Rings? That was certainly the feel I got from it, and with it the sense that this was a legend about to be told. It’s an eclectic mix of images but they work so well together.

Virgil : I love the feel of this poem, the ‘refrigerator chilled’, ‘gnaw noshing’ ‘red flesh’. There’s a very tactile quality to the poem, earthy and sensuous. The ending, ‘as you nip at my ear’ is so warm against the chill of the fruit.

Il Penseroso : I wonder if you’re capable of writing anything that isn’t spun in beauty. Every line is fantastic, the ‘seashell sounds’ the ‘corpulent phrase’ and ‘crestless ripples’. I read this and think, this is how poetry is meant to be.

Symphony : What a fantastic opening! It’s the sort of opening you find yourself thinking about for days afterwards in the shower (or is that just me?). It would be easy, after such a wonderful first line, to make the rest of the poem not quite up to standard, but you’ve followed it through beautifully. I love the colour theme, the subtle rhymes, the wonderful language ‘It was I who azured the dawn’, ‘til my sleepy eyes marooned the dusk’.

Pen : I love the King Arthur theme, always been one of my favourite legends. What a fantastic opening line ‘Vanishing slowly into the mist’ , sets the scene beautifully. A lovely retelling of the tale.

Pensieve : A very poignant poem, filled with longing and disappointment. The ending is perfect, so final and so sad.

Silent X: There’s a subtle darkness to this poem, I love the juxtaposition of dark and light, life and death, reflection and shadows. Every time I read this poem I get more from it.

Orions Belt : This poem is like a snapshot, capturing one special moment. I love the theme of the poem, the leaf drifting away, something which happens and which is overlooked every day. The last 4 lines are particularly powerful.

Cdn Reader : Another fantastic opening line, really grabs you and pulls you in. There’s a subtle hint of disappointment, cleverly disguised by the beautiful language, which leaves you with the aftertaste, without the immediate pain. I love the repetition of the ‘un-‘ words, and the idea of ‘grey dreams of others past’.

StephoftheNight : I wasn’t entirely sure if this one fitted the form – on the second line the typo on the final word left it unclear. I assumed it was intended to be ‘delicately’, which would fit the theme, in which case it would be 9 syllables, not 8. It’s a beautiful poem, so expressive and full of love and loss. You convey the emotion so well, and the dreamlike quality gives it a softness, almost like the soft focus you used to get on old movies. I love the ‘dreaming of love’ and ‘dancing under the stars’. Beautiful.

Petrarch’s Love : Another very clever poem, the circle of life presented with such emotion and brevity, but yet in such a comforting way. I love the subtle drama, ‘birth pulled reluctantly’, ‘passion and then pangs’ ‘passing fast’, and ‘last gasp’. I also love the way that each line stands on its own.

Ampoule : This poem has a nice summery feel to it, I think at one time we have all been that little girl (or boy!) lay on the grass looking up at the clouds. I love the image of ‘a young lioness waits’ and the contentment that follows.

DarkZZ : I can see this fallen civilisation, the ‘crumbling colonnades’ and ‘airy spires’. I love the moral undertone, the message that says, listen to the voices of the past, don’t make the mistakes we made. There is darkness here, and a question of what mistake had been repeated. A lovely mysterious poem.

All great poems.

So, after much, much deliberation I am pleased to announce that the winner is :

Il Penseroso

With this beautiful poem:

A corpulent phrase recedes in ears,
stepping lightly through spiral folds.
Crestless ripples sink along
deserted banks of sand
worn by tired waves,
like seashell sounds
stilled to sleep,
needing
rest.

Il Penseroso, could you pick our next form?

ampoule

08-11-2007, 08:06 AM

Congratulations!!! Yes, indeed a beautiful poem. :)

quasimodo1

08-11-2007, 08:15 AM

To Il Penseroso: A truly original and sincere poem. quasimodo1

Virgil

08-11-2007, 09:18 AM

Great poem Il Penso. Congratulations. Very nice indeed.

Il Penseroso

08-11-2007, 09:48 AM

Thanks Bii, ampoule, quasi, and Virgil. this one really had some outstanding entries. It must have been a very hard choice.

I'll be back after work today to post the next form. I hope to see as many great poems for the next contest.

symphony

08-11-2007, 10:37 AM

Congrats Il Penseroso, your poems are always a treat for my eyes :) .

Il Penseroso

08-11-2007, 12:24 PM

Well I suppose lunch break will do.

Thanks symphony, I appreciate it.

So, in an effort at something that is accessible to various poetic temperaments I'm going to make this a bit open-ended. Your task is to write a poem with each stanza fitting the tanka syllable count. I won't put a limit on how long or short the poems should be, but I will expect them to adequately explore whichever theme you as poet choose, completely and originally.

Hopefully this will spur more interest in that thread, and provide a fun challenge for the contest.

Each stanza will consist of five lines, each containing 5-7-5-7-7 syllables respectively. If you have further questions you can pm me or check the first page to the Tanka thread for clarification.

I know it's a little repetitive to do another poem with a strict syllable count but you'll have to bear with me, I'm not real familiar with many forms, nor am I any good with most of them. So I hope this will be accessible enough for many interesting entries.

I'll make the deadline September 1st, and should have them judged by the 2nd, though no guarantee. I'll do my best.

And most of all, have fun!!

Pendragon

08-11-2007, 12:54 PM

Nice going, IP. Tanka, eh? Maybe I'll wait a couple days on this one...

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/PuppyLove.gif

Petrarch's Love

08-12-2007, 12:21 PM

Congratulations Il Penseroso, a well deserved win. I've never written a Tanka, so this should be fun.

Pendragon

08-13-2007, 11:30 AM

Well, I guess I start. Sometimes I get lucky...

Poets want comments—
Empty emotion to parchment,
The quill laps up spill—
Turning angst into verses,
Reader beware of my heart…

Pendragon
© 8/13/07

A true Tanka doesn’t require a title…

TheFifthElement

08-14-2007, 06:06 AM

Can I join in?

In honour of the Japanese theme:

Pale as moon shadow
shrouded in cherry blossom
the Geisha dances.
She holds men’s hearts in her palm,
desire pricks her bloodied lips.

Creating whirlwinds
she swirls, a force of nature
mesmerising eyes;
each movement carefully planned,
perfectly executed.

She is mystery,
a symbol of forgotten
times when beauty reigned.
Shrouded in cherry blossom
the Geisha dances for you.

Il Penseroso

08-14-2007, 12:24 PM

Welcome fifthelement and thanks Pen for getting the conest started. Two wonderful submissions so far. Keep 'em coming!

CdnReader

08-21-2007, 07:20 AM

.

Interlude

Quietly I slip
past the consciousness of thought,
letting the sounds pull
me past the threshold of the
real world of worries and fear.

Tired eyes closed, I drift...
following the music's smile.
I float on the notes...
dance, sway, dream, explore a path
that leads me away from here.

A delicate touch
plays such simple melodies,
yet the depth of the
arrangement resonates in
smooth waves of tranquility.

The soft jazzy tones
play in concert with my heart,
skillfully building
to a gentle peacefulness...
an exquisite elegance.

For of what purpose
is life if not to welcome
simple moments of
beauty, pleasure - nay, rapture...
Let time come to a full stop.

Only then can I
feel the wingtips of the dove
brush against my skin,
hear the songs of truthfulness...
breathe the symphony of life.

.
cdn/21aug07
.

PrinceMyshkin

08-21-2007, 07:41 AM

I don't recognize the particular form you're working in (just as well because I'm something of an ignoramus re the poetic forms and usually just pretend they aren't there) but I especially liked

.
Only then can I
feel the wingtips of the dove
brush against my skin,
hear the songs of truthfulness...
breathe the symphony of life.

.
cdn/21aug07
.

Thanks!

quasimodo1

08-21-2007, 09:15 AM

To CdnReader: You have my vote in this contest, but perhaps replace one word...nay...I think you have to be born before 1923 to use this connector. quasimodo1

Il Penseroso

08-22-2007, 12:42 AM

cdn,
very nice poem, skillful handling of the form

Prince,
the form is supposed to be verses of tanka, with 5-7-5-7-7 syllables to each line respectively.

Just over a week left, so get writing!

autolycus

08-23-2007, 11:08 AM

silicon made me:
i have the high and the low
and nothing between;
i am learning poetry,
poetry is learning me.

haiku is simple,
as in not complex for me:
i am rational;
i can extrapolate it
and add fourteen syllables.

sonnets are easy:
trippingly upon the tongue,
they soar foreshortened;
and look, organic user,
a parallel abuser.

i have tested them:
my algorithms are fine,
neither coarse nor crude;
let us try the higher art,
let us type, "Keats," and then start.

here is a node to
autumn: seasonal myths and
fellow moodfulness;
this is too easy i think
try something harder to score.

i am the very
model of a modern mage,
a general, i...
can make this work can make this
i have FAILED this ART is WORK

silicon made me:
i have the high and the low
and nothing between;
i am learning poetry,
poetry is learning me.

TheFifthElement

08-23-2007, 01:34 PM

^^^^^^^
autolycus - that's just great! Really love your poem.

There's a little typo (I think!) in your 5th verse 'here is a node to' or 'here is an ode to'?

I love this:

i am learning poetry,
poetry is learning me.

autolycus

08-24-2007, 11:50 AM

^^^^^^^
autolycus - that's just great! Really love your poem.

There's a little typo (I think!) in your 5th verse 'here is a node to' or 'here is an ode to'?

I love this:

Thank you very much... and, no there is no typo. It's the computer screwing up in the parsing algorithm. :)

TheFifthElement

08-24-2007, 01:08 PM

Thank you very much... and, no there is no typo. It's the computer screwing up in the parsing algorithm. :)

I see, it's all clear now, and more clever for it! Thank you for clarifying.

Virgil

08-25-2007, 10:24 PM

Ok, here's my entry.

Tanka Dance

Is it always dark
When we rise to hands on limbs,
Dancing cheek to cheek?
A kiss in the darken hall
Holds our eyes for this evening.

Pendragon

08-26-2007, 10:00 AM

Had I read the instructions stronger.
My tanka would have been longer...

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Red.gif

Il Penseroso

08-26-2007, 11:47 AM

Feel free to edit, right up until the deadline.

Il Penseroso

08-26-2007, 07:44 PM

I think I'll extend this until next Sunday evening, which means only one week left for you to post a poem. Get busy!

Pendragon

08-27-2007, 09:29 AM

Feel free to edit, right up until the deadline.
Not so, IP. I made the error, and the poem already posted. To change it now would, in my opinion, be unfair to those who wrote out the longer poems. My poem will stand or fall as is. This is a contest, and there should be rules and deadlines. If one is ever a writer full or part-time, the publisher sets a deadline and if you do not meet it, your story will be canned. If it doesn't meet his or her specifications, your work will be tossed. I will not take unfair advantage of my fellow poets by going back and rewriting my poem now that I have read theirs. Fair is fair, and that's how I define fair. Thank you anyway.

Pen

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/PuppyLove.gif

motherhubbard

08-27-2007, 10:17 AM

well that was more at my level, thank IP

here goes

A sphere of color
Floating on air like magic
Then suddenly…POP!
But the magic is not lost,
I can blow another one

The joys of childhood
Seem so uncomplicated
Bubbles and balloons
How quickly we trade them in
For a more sinister kind

So for a moment
Allow some time to revel
In joys that once were
Buy a helium balloon
Then let it fly to Heaven

Il Penseroso

08-29-2007, 01:30 AM

Not a problem mohubbard. Thanks for entering.

Pen,
There's no disadvantage for the others if you were to edit your poem before the deadline strikes, they have the same opportunity. A deadline is a deadline, but this one has not occurred yet so I would see no problem in you expanding the tanka.

But, of course, it's your poem and your decision. (I still like it as is). I just don't want you to feel disadvantaged if you didn't know from the beginning what was expected.

Il Penseroso

08-31-2007, 08:45 PM

Well, I can extend this for another week if anyone is still working on a poem they'd like to submit. Otherwise the deadline stands at 9:00pm Mountain time on Sunday. Just give me some feedback.

Il Penseroso

09-02-2007, 07:47 PM

Going once....

Il Penseroso

09-03-2007, 05:37 AM

Going 2 1/2 times...

Riesa

09-03-2007, 02:22 PM

Congratulations, IP. One of your finest.

here's my attempt, if it is not too late.

The day I arrived,
there was seaweed in my hair
sun had burned my skin,
I followed the moon sinking
down the crimson horizon.

From the South Wind came
Jasmine, Cinnamon, the faint
tinkling of bells tied
'round wrists of belly dancers;
a Siren’s aria.

I had to follow;
Fate is a willful mistress.
Her dance reveals new
velvet, each falling veil the
glisten of being, unbound.

TheFifthElement

09-03-2007, 02:51 PM

Reisa, that's a beautiful poem.

Il Penseroso

09-03-2007, 03:35 PM

Thanks Riesa.

The contest is closed as of now, and I'll try to post comments on each submission and a winner by the end of the day. Yay for holidays! Thanks for all who participated and experimented with the form.

Il Penseroso

09-04-2007, 01:39 AM

Pen,
Nice poem full of emotion. I would've liked to see the expanded version...even elsewhere, not as a submission, but still your words that aspect of wisdom and emotional charge that speaks to any of a sensitive disposition.

fifth,
A beautiful expostulation of the great enigma that is woman in her finest forms (and dancing). I particularly like the first stanza, as the attention grabber.

cdnreader,
Conceptually strong, I think the poem loses a bit in telling words that avoid feeling. I want to experience those "worries and fears" right alongside you. I do however think you come close to finding your voice towards the end, as the poem becomes more sensually motivated.

auto,
Very clever, with apt phrasing to match the conceptual meaning.

virgil,
You do those romance poems so well (your nonnet for example). The poem has the mystery involved within it that I see mirroring the dancing pair.

motherhubbard,
Great reminiscence of childhood, with the added depth of sinister learnings hinted at. Great poem.

Riesa,
So beautiful, I only wish I could read more of it. The last stanza is particularly amazing.

And now to pass the form selection torch to the next poet in line, I hereby crown autolycus as the winner of this segment of the form contest. Congratulations auto, and great poem. Thanks to everyone for participating!

Here's the poem, for easy access:

silicon made me:
i have the high and the low
and nothing between;
i am learning poetry,
poetry is learning me.

haiku is simple,
as in not complex for me:
i am rational;
i can extrapolate it
and add fourteen syllables.

sonnets are easy:
trippingly upon the tongue,
they soar foreshortened;
and look, organic user,
a parallel abuser.

i have tested them:
my algorithms are fine,
neither coarse nor crude;
let us try the higher art,
let us type, "Keats," and then start.

here is a node to
autumn: seasonal myths and
fellow moodfulness;
this is too easy i think
try something harder to score.

i am the very
model of a modern mage,
a general, i...
can make this work can make this
i have FAILED this ART is WORK

silicon made me:
i have the high and the low
and nothing between;
i am learning poetry,
poetry is learning me.

TheFifthElement

09-04-2007, 03:16 AM

Congratulations autolycus, a well deserved win.

Thanks IP for your comments :)

CdnReader

09-04-2007, 04:00 AM

Very clever poem, Autolycus. Congratulations!

Virgil

09-04-2007, 07:04 AM

Autolycus, I loved your poem. A well deserved win. Congratulations! :)

motherhubbard

09-04-2007, 08:55 AM

congratulations Autolycus! awesome poem

autolycus

09-04-2007, 09:29 AM

Thank you, Il Penseroso, for the vote of confidence! I don't think my poem was very beautiful in a conventional sense, and I think that cleverness sometimes isn't very aesthetic, so I am glad that you found something of worth in it.

TheFifthElement: Thanks very much; your query in the middle helped elucidate part of the poem, and that was a kindness to me.

CdnReader, Virgil, and motherhubbard: I am always happy to be congratulated by fellow poets. Thank you!

=====

The challenge I pose to my friends
Is one on which humour depends
It's not quite a lim'ick –
You'll think it a gimmick –
But that's not what Lone Wolf intends.

The contest I call
Limeranka demands care
Begins limerick;
Evolution as tanka;
But the end defies the means.

It doesn't have to be funny
(A nice day need not be sunny),
But must follow the shape
In this syllable-scape
To stand a chance at the money.

=====

Well, it's a limerick-tanka-limerick sandwich, with prologue/development/conclusion structure. And to make it more errm... formal, it has to begin with an 8-8-6-6-8 limerick, continue with a standard 5-7-5-7-7 tanka, and end with another 8-8-6-6-8 limerick (preferably but not necessarily) changing the direction of the poem.

:D

Pendragon

09-04-2007, 12:52 PM

Way to go, Auto! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Four/DaMan.gif

Virgil

09-04-2007, 01:04 PM

Well, it's a limerick-tanka-limerick sandwich, with prologue/development/conclusion structure. And to make it more errm... formal, it has to begin with an 8-8-6-6-8 limerick, continue with a standard 5-7-5-7-7 tanka, and end with another 8-8-6-6-8 limerick (preferably but not necessarily) changing the direction of the poem.

:D

Hmm, that should be interesting. I'll have to play with that. :)

Riesa

09-04-2007, 01:59 PM

Very cool poem, Autolycus! Congratulations. :) Thanks, IP.

and thanks, fifthelement, that was kind of you make such a comment. :)

autolycus

09-05-2007, 04:21 AM

Thanks, Riesa! (and, like many others, I wanted to see your poem continue...)

Pendragon

09-10-2007, 02:50 PM

I really hate going first in these contests. It makes me feel as if a bulleye were painted on my forehead...

Will the Next Contestant Please Sign In?

A poet who had caught his clues,
Told others: “The rules are the rules!
If you want, you may stay
But the game plays this way—
Pay attention, you cheating fools!”

“Write your poem thus
For it must fit form given—
This is a contest.
Staying true to form becomes
Standards by which judgment comes.”

“La, listen to him!” Someone said.
“Poor bloke, he is off in his head!”
So they wrote out in reams,
All of their hopes and dreams—
He was right; they never were read!

Pendragon
© 9/10/07

autolycus

09-10-2007, 11:02 PM

*grin*

Dear Pen,

The limerick rules are pretty explicit... please amend accordingly. It's either that or you're being ironic eh?

=====

I think I'll set the deadline at October 1.

Pendragon

09-11-2007, 09:28 AM

*grin*

Dear Pen,

The limerick rules are pretty explicit... please amend accordingly. It's either that or you're being ironic eh?

=====

I think I'll set the deadline at October 1.
Yes, I realize that 8-8-6-6-8. Where am I off?

autolycus

09-11-2007, 10:39 AM

*grin*

yes, it scans OK now...

Pendragon

09-11-2007, 06:54 PM

*grin*

yes, it scans OK now...Caught it, ignore the PM. Duh! Simpleton that I am! If one wonders if a word has one or two syllables check the dictionary! Don't go with how you might say it! :rolleyes:

Riesa

09-13-2007, 02:42 AM

Fun form, auto. It was enjoyable to rhyme for once. here's my go, and second to have a bulls-eye painted on their head. ;)

A thoughtful book I read mentioned,
how women reach for ascension,
and if taken to task
‘tis true that our path ought
not to be one of frustration.

‘tis all very neat
from our house to the street, not
a speck of dirt does
show, “you’re alive“, you tell me,
but I say, “I’m just barely!”

Contained, can’t you see I can’t breathe?
These walls would come down with one heave.
To not, I’d be crazy,
or just remarkably lazy,
so one day I’ll just up and leave.

autolycus

09-14-2007, 11:03 PM

Hi there!

I will keep this contest running till the midnight between Sep 30 and Oct 1 GMT. Hopefully at least 5 entries will be received. You can make any amendments you want until the deadline is passed. I will only examine the final submission. Thank you for the opportunity to critically appraise your work!

=====

That said, thanks to stalwarts Pen and Riesa for amusing but poignant poetry. The trend seems to be one that, interestingly enough, works against the confines of form... or perhaps I am reading too much into them. :)

Petrarch's Love

09-24-2007, 03:12 PM

This thread was looking a bit lonely and I realized I hadn't tried my hand at this one yet. What an interesting form this is.

One hot afternoon my friend Jim
Suggested we go take a swim
So I stopped reading Blake,
We went down to the lake,
And, not hesitating, dove in.

While underwater
Our lips met. We kissed deeply.
Floating limbs tangled
In a moment's suspended
Ecstasy, like the world's birth.

Then up to the surface we seethed
And laughed as we struggled to breathe
Then Jim splashed at my face
And we started a race
And played just like Adam and Eve.

quasimodo1

09-24-2007, 06:32 PM

To Petrarch's Love: Although I'm not familiar with all the entries, this one is well done, animated and subtle. quasi

Petrarch's Love

09-24-2007, 06:35 PM

Thanks, Quasi. Glad you liked it. :)

autolycus

09-25-2007, 08:43 AM

Very lively, PL!

Don't forget the syllable count though... part of the fun of this contest is the brain-twisting problems we have to work with to squeeze into the given form.

;)

Petrarch's Love

09-25-2007, 11:02 AM

Did I make a mistake somewhere? I thought I had it down. I'll go back and count again.

edit: My, I had overdone a few lines there. I think it's all ship shape now unless I've missed something.

autolycus

09-29-2007, 09:59 PM

Oh dear, not so many entries... was this form too complicated?

We've got three solid entries. Anyone else?

Let's extend it one week, to 7 Oct 2007, 2359h GMT...

stephofthenight

10-03-2007, 10:53 AM

ok so by 8-8-6-6-8 i assume you mean sylables?

Virgil

10-03-2007, 11:42 AM

If the contest is still open, I will try this weekend to come up with something. I had an idea when this form came up but i got busy and never got it, and now I've forgotten my idea. :(

autolycus

10-03-2007, 01:19 PM

stephofthenight: yes, syllable count...

Virgil (and others): please do enter; the deadline is 2359h on Sunday 7 Oct 2007 GMT.

I eagerly await the pleasure of reading your entries.

barbara0207

10-03-2007, 05:48 PM

Interesting form, I'll have a go at it.

(BTW, my dictionary shows "fire" as one syllable; if you feel that's not correct, I'll have to make changes)

"Dear niece," said my old Auntie Jess
at breakfast, "the world's in a mess!
Setbacks and disasters -
are we still the masters
or do we deserve the distress?"

"Please, don't fret, dear Aunt,"
I said and sipped my coffee.
"What about good things,
like a beautiful sunrise
accompanied by birds' songs --"

"Oh yes," sighed my old Auntie Jess,
"the world's in a terrible mess!
Floods flowing, storms blowing
and forest fires glowing
and I burnt your toast, I confess!"

autolycus

10-04-2007, 10:37 AM

I'm fine with 'fire' as one syllable and stuff like that... as long as it's reasonable, i'll swallow it.

:)

TheFifthElement

10-04-2007, 01:46 PM

This was a very difficult form!

Escaping Death

Death stood at my door with a grin
demanding that I let him in,
I turned away instead,
and with lightening feet fled
leaving old man Death in a spin.

I ran through the fields,
past green forests, and oceans
blue. But no matter how
fast I flew, Death was close by,
and escape was just a dream.

He caught me in Starbucks café
whilst drinking a skinny latte
he had an espresso
and sang in falsetto
until the lights took me away.

autolycus

10-08-2007, 03:41 AM

Competition closed... results by 10/10!

autolycus

10-10-2007, 05:59 AM

Hello everyone!

Pen: When you're funny, you're very funny! Your poem about the fate of poetry brought tears of laughter to my eyes because of the image of the hapless author - something most of us have experienced.

Riesa's on second reading and third sounded more and more like a psychological thriller. I was thinking 'Stepford Wives' partway through... but of course it isn't anything like that. I think...

Petrarch's Love: Heh, this one actually fulfils the content requirements perfectly. There are clear phases and transitions. Not so sure about Jim though... *grin*

barbara0207: the adventures of Aunt Jess are truly funny, and rhymes like 'masters' with 'disasters' are one mark of the epic limerick - along with the transition from disaster to coffee to toast.

FifthElement: here was one I didn't expect - Death's hunt. I enjoyed it, a bit like the car chases one used to get in 'The Streets of San Francisco'. Oops, have I just given away my age? *grin*

=====

And the winner, based on scansion, theme and structure is...

*dang*

Hold on while I look through my notes.
This thing isn't run just on votes;
You have to consider
That creature, Derrida,
And not just sound off on the quotes...

*grin*

OK, barbara0207, Aunt Jess wins it this time!

autolycus

10-10-2007, 06:00 AM

Oh yes, sorry for being such a Nazi throughout... I've always been a bit particular about limericks and such. Terrible. Do forgive me...

Riesa

10-10-2007, 06:29 AM

Congratulations, Barbara! Charming poem. :)

Petrarch's Love

10-10-2007, 10:13 AM

Congratulations, Barbara! Looking forward to seeing what new form you pick. :)

Pendragon

10-10-2007, 10:49 AM

Congradulations appear to be in order, Barbie! http://www.cosgan.de/images/midi/sportlich/a040.gif What form d'ya 'ave in mind, doll?

barbara0207

10-10-2007, 05:17 PM

Thank you very much for picking Aunt Jess, autolycus! I'm sure you had a hard time making a decision because there were excellent contributions. The more I feel honoured. :blush:

And thank you, Riesa, Petrarch's Love and Pen, for your congratulations. :)

Petrarch's Love, your name gave me the idea for the new form - the sonnet. Maybe it has been done before (I didn't want to go through all 17 pages of the thread), but I don't want the Shakespearean one but the form that was used in German baroque.

There are 4 stanzas, two of four lines and then two of three lines.
Rhyme: abab - cdcd - eef - ggf. (But if you find your own rhyme scheme, that's fine by me.)
The metre is the iambic hexameter (s = stressed syllable; u = unstressed syllable):
ususus(,) ususus(u)

Be funny or witty or serious or sad - and have fun.

I hope I've made myself clear above. If not, don't hesitate to say so. ;)

symphony

10-10-2007, 07:51 PM

hey barabara :D congrats!!

hmm i was never good at meters, but let's see if i can cook anything up :p
got a deadline yet?

TheFifthElement

10-11-2007, 03:20 AM

Congratulations barbara, it was a fun poem :)

Pendragon

10-11-2007, 09:53 AM

I bow to other's wishes perhaps too easily... the poem is doomed from the start, but I trust you will enjoy it anyway, that is more important than winning anyway, or should be to any true poet!

Soothing Night

Mother Night moves like a dark regal lady,
Stars glisten in the tangled tresses of her hair.
I have run from my fears and pain daily—
Each time her arms have sheltered me there.

Her voice whispers soft as the moonlight,
Soothing and gentle as she rocks me to sleep.
I do not know why anyone would ever fear Night—
For only in her arms can I ever find real peace.

The wisdom of the ages abide in the starry eyes,
Listening to her whispers could make a man wise—
This Dark Goddess that is crowned with the moon…

When the stress of the day has worn down my soul,
I wait on her coming, for her cloak to enfold
Knowing that comfort will be there and I can rest soon…

Pendragon
© 10/11/07

barbara0207

10-11-2007, 04:50 PM

Thank you very much, symphony and FifthElement!

About a deadline: Shall we say October 22? (We can always extend it, depending on the number of poems ;) )

I was never good at foot and meter.

Um, yes, I can see that. :D (No offense)

I like the theme of your poem. But the meter is really important for this form, more so than the rhyme scheme, which may vary. And as this is a form poetry contest I'd like to insist on the correct meter, just like autolycus insisted on correct syllable count. :D

The iambic hexameter is not very hard to do. Seeing that you are a musician, Pen, just think of it as a song with a certain rhythm:

ta-tum-ta-tum-ta-tum; ta-tum-ta-tum-ta-tum (ta),

just fourteen lines of that. If you clap your hands with every "tum", it will be easy. ;)

Pendragon

10-14-2007, 11:04 AM

Thank you very much, symphony and FifthElement!

About a deadline: Shall we say October 22? (We can always extend it, depending on the number of poems ;) )

Um, yes, I can see that. :D (No offense)

I like the theme of your poem. But the meter is really important for this form, more so than the rhyme scheme, which may vary. And as this is a form poetry contest I'd like to insist on the correct meter, just like autolycus insisted on correct syllable count. :D

The iambic hexameter is not very hard to do. Seeing that you are a musician, Pen, just think of it as a song with a certain rhythm:

ta-tum-ta-tum-ta-tum; ta-tum-ta-tum-ta-tum (ta),

just fourteen lines of that. If you clap your hands with every "tum", it will be easy. ;)Actually, Barbie, I'll just withdraw the sonnet. The form doesn't rule me, I rule the form. No one has ever complained about one of my sonnets. I'm sorry if this doesn't fit your "foot and meter" requirements. When I started this form contest thread, I intended it to be just that, form. People have taken form and added in requirements such as the syllable count in a lymerick, and now a certain foot and meter. OK, if you want. I'm out. My form poetry is well accepted because I don't allow the form to rule me. So I respectfully withdraw my poem.

Pen