spacetoon
01-24-2007, 03:56 AM
Hi,
I've written this story. I would like to share it and I'll be pleased to have your feedback, comments, criticism and even I would like to be helped if there is any grammer mistake which needs to be fixed.
"Lifeless"
Chapter 1
"The mesirable girl"
It was early summer, and life in every summer is opened to feel joy and happy. Though, Jane was walking alone, near a central park located in New york. She wasn't tall nor short, her cheeks were red as roses. She was blonde, her hair as the colour of the gold. Eyes of the snake . Beautifully designed, and her eye-lash were black. She was truly as a snake. Her lips were pink. But unfortaunatly not her soul. But, her face as a whole was lifeless, its colour as the colour of the dead, pale and grey. She passed by shops. Life was dead, maybe not, she was dead and life was alive. She was walking without looking at anyone's face or especially their eyes, though, she had the snakes' eyes. She was weak in soul, strong in body. Jane could stop any man with a look from her eyes and set him standing without moving as a wood , but she hadn't the courage to look them in the eyes as if they were a dragon and she was a weak snake. In fact, she was weak, she was DEAD and LIFELESS. Jane was an unsociable girl whom everybody near central park knew her, and most likely, they liked her and at the same time they felt sorry for her. Her parents died in a house that fires ate it when she was 12 years old. They have been burnt to death. She was the sole survivor. Since then Jane had been strange. She acted as if the world is no more called -THE WORLD- as if it's called -THE WHORE- to her. It disgusts her, she disgusts the way she lives on her own, in her own world, in her own prison which called an apartment.
"God ignored me, by letting me live, live in this uneasy, harsh life just to tortured me, What kind of GODS who let his own creatures suffer, who let them live so miserably?" Thought Jane while she was cleaning her laundry. At the time her parents died, she turned from a lively girl who was loved by her parents, and pure-hearted as the the sky of a summer to a dead girl, who died emotionally, and black-hearted as the sky of the winter when the black clouds cover the sky making everybody hid themselves from the heavy rain. The next morning she got up she lit the samover. After five minutes waiting for the tea to be ready for drinking, she drank it, and let things unwashed and she went out. She went to nowhere, she was unemployed, in fact she hates working. Jane took a walk in New york streets where suddenly a tall, big handsome man ran into her. His face like any face that any girl would love to see. Black hair and very cute nose and eyes. he had white skin, and most importantly that any girl would notice his arms, they were muscular. He was a strong young man. He was wearing black jacket and black hat. everything was black as the crow. maybe not his heart too. She ignored him first then she looked at him as if she knew him before. "What do you want and who are you?"Said Jane with no respect, and he replied " I don't want anything but your happieness" Jane stood with amazment. "What is he talking about? Who is this pig?" Though Jane and asked him "Who are you, you bastard?". "I am Drake, Don't you remember me Jane?" Said he. "Drake the snake?" Jane recognised him. He was a 14 years old boy when Jane's house became part of the dust when the fire ate it. He was the one who phoned the fire station for help, though, he was the one who always play with Jane back then, he was called Drake the snake because he can enter any small holes in the forest near their village with ease as the snakes do when he was a child. Jane was in love.
"When did you get here?" Said Jane normally. The emotions at her face seems rather dead.
"Yestarday, I was told by the ministry of information that you moved to New york and you lived in Manhatten."Said Drake" And by the way what is so special here?" He gazed at her not letting his eyes off her as if he wanted to capture her, but he was the one who had been captured by her attitude and the beauty of hers.
"Well..." Said Jane and she looks confused and doesn't know how to tolerate a back answer, but she continued " Nothing special in this piece of garbage". She was referring to New York. "Alright, let me treat you with a cup of coffee" Said Drake. She agreed to have a cup of coffee with him and they went to a near coffee shop and began to talk about each other. They talked about their childhood and how they used to sit at the coast to look at the land of twilight. How it disapears before their eyes and how beautiful it was. But the disappearance of Jane's happieness wasn't as beautiful as the twilight.
When they got to the part about jobs and works. Jane snaped. She threw a cup of coffee upon his face as if she was an angry goddess. "What the hell...are you doing?"Drake said with effervescence "You crazy vixen". She broke down and hurried to the door and got herself out letting all the poeple in the coffee shop look at Drake with wonder. Drake, then, left the coffee shop with rage. He left cursing. He was like a mad man who needs to be admitted to a madhouse.
When Jane arrived to her apartment, she was still crying. "What in the world is going on" Said she. "What have I done? It's not me, It's GOD". She closed her eyes and fall into darkness, the darkness of the night. She slept. She woke up in the middle of the night, she could see the moonlight, the moon was fall and it being said that when the moon become fall and when a girl stands before its light. It means betrayal. What kind of betrayal it is?
She woke up to drink water. She heard a sound. It was the sound of footsteps which was getting closer and closer as her heart beats faster and faster. She got herself near the door but as the speed of the light someone broke into her door and threatened her with a gun, he was a masked man. But he took off his mask. What a shock for Jane? It was Drake!
Chapter 2
"The Dead"
As for Drake when he broke into Jane's apartment holding a gun, he threatened her and took his mask off leading her to the shock and distress. "Hands up and don't move you little she-devil" Said Drake holding the trigger. "She-devil?" She said a faint smile on her face "I've been experiencing everyday of my life that the devil is called Evil. He does nothing but to make people lost their rightous way. Though, God claims to be in good's side, but he has done nothing for me. So, I am a She-Devil". Drake looked at her with amazment not knowing what to say,instead, he pointed the gun nearer to her face, nearer to her heart."Shut up, don't make me laugh, do you think I forgot the cup of coffee you threw out to my face, LOOK what becomes of me" An angry Drake said" you will go to hell". "I am already living hell, what different does it make?" Jane answered back looking to his eyes, she could see herself in his eyes as if it was a mirror that will have told her her future or his, what will become of her? Drake hesitated a bit and he threw the gun and got nearer to her. He kissed her on the lips, he felt her soft tiny breast, the heat of her body, burst into tears that fallen on her face, it burnt her. What are those tears which burns? Was it the tears of hate, or the tears of joy. Not Drake nor Jane knew. "Life is very pleasant" Drake said in a low voice. The music of the night began to play in their head. They made love in Jane's bed and the pleasure boiled their body. "Please love me once more" Said Jane. They couldn't last long, so they fell asleep. The next morning, when Drake woke up, he saw Jane in front of him holding a knife. He was shocked. "Who is the snake now?" She said with a devilish smile and stubbed him in his chest crying"Please hate me once more." She was a snake, she was a she-devil, she was an anti-God, she was an evil, she was an ignorant, she was a betrayer, she betrayed herself, her life, her very own childhood friend, she betrayed her parents. Her parents won't forgive her, they are in heaven, she is in hell. They are alive spiritually, she is DEAD physically and mentally and spiritually.
The End
I've written this story. I would like to share it and I'll be pleased to have your feedback, comments, criticism and even I would like to be helped if there is any grammer mistake which needs to be fixed.
"Lifeless"
Chapter 1
"The mesirable girl"
It was early summer, and life in every summer is opened to feel joy and happy. Though, Jane was walking alone, near a central park located in New york. She wasn't tall nor short, her cheeks were red as roses. She was blonde, her hair as the colour of the gold. Eyes of the snake . Beautifully designed, and her eye-lash were black. She was truly as a snake. Her lips were pink. But unfortaunatly not her soul. But, her face as a whole was lifeless, its colour as the colour of the dead, pale and grey. She passed by shops. Life was dead, maybe not, she was dead and life was alive. She was walking without looking at anyone's face or especially their eyes, though, she had the snakes' eyes. She was weak in soul, strong in body. Jane could stop any man with a look from her eyes and set him standing without moving as a wood , but she hadn't the courage to look them in the eyes as if they were a dragon and she was a weak snake. In fact, she was weak, she was DEAD and LIFELESS. Jane was an unsociable girl whom everybody near central park knew her, and most likely, they liked her and at the same time they felt sorry for her. Her parents died in a house that fires ate it when she was 12 years old. They have been burnt to death. She was the sole survivor. Since then Jane had been strange. She acted as if the world is no more called -THE WORLD- as if it's called -THE WHORE- to her. It disgusts her, she disgusts the way she lives on her own, in her own world, in her own prison which called an apartment.
"God ignored me, by letting me live, live in this uneasy, harsh life just to tortured me, What kind of GODS who let his own creatures suffer, who let them live so miserably?" Thought Jane while she was cleaning her laundry. At the time her parents died, she turned from a lively girl who was loved by her parents, and pure-hearted as the the sky of a summer to a dead girl, who died emotionally, and black-hearted as the sky of the winter when the black clouds cover the sky making everybody hid themselves from the heavy rain. The next morning she got up she lit the samover. After five minutes waiting for the tea to be ready for drinking, she drank it, and let things unwashed and she went out. She went to nowhere, she was unemployed, in fact she hates working. Jane took a walk in New york streets where suddenly a tall, big handsome man ran into her. His face like any face that any girl would love to see. Black hair and very cute nose and eyes. he had white skin, and most importantly that any girl would notice his arms, they were muscular. He was a strong young man. He was wearing black jacket and black hat. everything was black as the crow. maybe not his heart too. She ignored him first then she looked at him as if she knew him before. "What do you want and who are you?"Said Jane with no respect, and he replied " I don't want anything but your happieness" Jane stood with amazment. "What is he talking about? Who is this pig?" Though Jane and asked him "Who are you, you bastard?". "I am Drake, Don't you remember me Jane?" Said he. "Drake the snake?" Jane recognised him. He was a 14 years old boy when Jane's house became part of the dust when the fire ate it. He was the one who phoned the fire station for help, though, he was the one who always play with Jane back then, he was called Drake the snake because he can enter any small holes in the forest near their village with ease as the snakes do when he was a child. Jane was in love.
"When did you get here?" Said Jane normally. The emotions at her face seems rather dead.
"Yestarday, I was told by the ministry of information that you moved to New york and you lived in Manhatten."Said Drake" And by the way what is so special here?" He gazed at her not letting his eyes off her as if he wanted to capture her, but he was the one who had been captured by her attitude and the beauty of hers.
"Well..." Said Jane and she looks confused and doesn't know how to tolerate a back answer, but she continued " Nothing special in this piece of garbage". She was referring to New York. "Alright, let me treat you with a cup of coffee" Said Drake. She agreed to have a cup of coffee with him and they went to a near coffee shop and began to talk about each other. They talked about their childhood and how they used to sit at the coast to look at the land of twilight. How it disapears before their eyes and how beautiful it was. But the disappearance of Jane's happieness wasn't as beautiful as the twilight.
When they got to the part about jobs and works. Jane snaped. She threw a cup of coffee upon his face as if she was an angry goddess. "What the hell...are you doing?"Drake said with effervescence "You crazy vixen". She broke down and hurried to the door and got herself out letting all the poeple in the coffee shop look at Drake with wonder. Drake, then, left the coffee shop with rage. He left cursing. He was like a mad man who needs to be admitted to a madhouse.
When Jane arrived to her apartment, she was still crying. "What in the world is going on" Said she. "What have I done? It's not me, It's GOD". She closed her eyes and fall into darkness, the darkness of the night. She slept. She woke up in the middle of the night, she could see the moonlight, the moon was fall and it being said that when the moon become fall and when a girl stands before its light. It means betrayal. What kind of betrayal it is?
She woke up to drink water. She heard a sound. It was the sound of footsteps which was getting closer and closer as her heart beats faster and faster. She got herself near the door but as the speed of the light someone broke into her door and threatened her with a gun, he was a masked man. But he took off his mask. What a shock for Jane? It was Drake!
Chapter 2
"The Dead"
As for Drake when he broke into Jane's apartment holding a gun, he threatened her and took his mask off leading her to the shock and distress. "Hands up and don't move you little she-devil" Said Drake holding the trigger. "She-devil?" She said a faint smile on her face "I've been experiencing everyday of my life that the devil is called Evil. He does nothing but to make people lost their rightous way. Though, God claims to be in good's side, but he has done nothing for me. So, I am a She-Devil". Drake looked at her with amazment not knowing what to say,instead, he pointed the gun nearer to her face, nearer to her heart."Shut up, don't make me laugh, do you think I forgot the cup of coffee you threw out to my face, LOOK what becomes of me" An angry Drake said" you will go to hell". "I am already living hell, what different does it make?" Jane answered back looking to his eyes, she could see herself in his eyes as if it was a mirror that will have told her her future or his, what will become of her? Drake hesitated a bit and he threw the gun and got nearer to her. He kissed her on the lips, he felt her soft tiny breast, the heat of her body, burst into tears that fallen on her face, it burnt her. What are those tears which burns? Was it the tears of hate, or the tears of joy. Not Drake nor Jane knew. "Life is very pleasant" Drake said in a low voice. The music of the night began to play in their head. They made love in Jane's bed and the pleasure boiled their body. "Please love me once more" Said Jane. They couldn't last long, so they fell asleep. The next morning, when Drake woke up, he saw Jane in front of him holding a knife. He was shocked. "Who is the snake now?" She said with a devilish smile and stubbed him in his chest crying"Please hate me once more." She was a snake, she was a she-devil, she was an anti-God, she was an evil, she was an ignorant, she was a betrayer, she betrayed herself, her life, her very own childhood friend, she betrayed her parents. Her parents won't forgive her, they are in heaven, she is in hell. They are alive spiritually, she is DEAD physically and mentally and spiritually.
The End