Agony of Arrogance

[muhsin]

Intuitively, a number of people’s belief toward beauty, wealth, or talent is just a gift -special gift given by God to some few selected people on this planet, and let others with none, not because He doesn’t like them, but because that is His wish. And so I do.

Regretfully enough, some rotten eggs, whom this present is given to, think that; it’s because of difference -transcendental one, that is between them and those that don’t have it, that is why they were chosen to posses it specifically

Two above paragraphs are simply exposing about a kind of unreasonable arrogance of some bad sheep among us. What a melancholy?

Briefly, it’s one of my female-friend’s streak nature of arrogance, which is almost always burning every corner of my heart that inspired me to write this piece. I don’t have an iota of doubt that; I have come to a good haven. Our thoughtful forum members would be able to suggest the way of curing this pandemic.

What do you think is the reason behind this attitude?


[/B]

[Gallantry]

A good question. The problems and frusturations presented by arrogance are clear. The reason behind this attitude though is a little hazy. I'll do some thinking on it and get back to you.

[kathycf]

Wealth is either the product of hard work, good fortune or a combination of both. Talent can be seen as a gift, while to me, beauty is a matter of genetics. Sadly, some folks are either immature or foolish and think they are somehow better than others because they have some or all of those particular attributes. I can't speak as to why your friend has this attitude, I don't know her. Is this the same friend whose schoolwork you are/were doing?

Some qualities such as physical beauty are often valued in modern society at the expense of such others qualities such as integrity, honesty, modesty and compassion. This is not a favorable state of affairs, in my opinion.

I happen to have a pretty face and it is not anything I am ashamed of, but neither is it any kind of a special achievement. I would rather be known for my personality than as just another "pretty face". To me, beauty is all well and good, but what about the *real* person that dwells beneath the skin? That is what interests me.

[rachel]

Mushin,
I agree with all that is said above.
But having worked with kids and teens for years, having done lay counselling for years, please, if I may, I shall give you a different set of possibilities.
For many girls, it is their own father that shapes their attitudes about their looks and what they should do about them I had a very young girl come to stay with me and was in pain of heart because she saw that her father ignored her mother and watched Playboy type shows all the time. Of course the ladies were naked and my little friend saw their generous shapes. She felt ashamed as she was not developed and wanted her father's love. A few years later she was very shapely and because her father now noticed and paid her attention she was ecstatic and actually behaved in a very proud way.Some girls sadly and they keep it secret to their deaths, have had their boundaries taken away from them at very early ages because some guy or man saw beauty in them and violated them long long before they should have even known about this sort of thing. It sends messages to these girls that the only way to be accepted and loved is thru beauty and they also see a kind of power albeit sick that cmoes to them from having beauty. And for many other girls they are so insecure that instead of the insecurity showing up as fearfulness and timidity and shyness it instead comes forth as seeming arrogance because they feel that is all they have and must flaunt it.
So please, I beg of you, don't judge, Either love that person for just who she is or let her go. It is not your right nor responsibilty to go about changing her, you don't know the roots. And if she does happen to be taking advantage you must be mature enough to just say no. You sound like a nice caring person. You might though be feeding this problem by your behaviour and attitudes. You wouldn't probably like her to go about trying to change the core of who you are , so don't be surprised if she resists with contempt any attempts you make to do so. Just thought I would put this forth.

[kathycf]

Very good insights Rachel. Unless someone honestly shares with us what is in their heart, we are never truly privy to what is going on inside. We can only draw conclusions from what we observe. Such observations may be accurate in some respects, yet wildly wrong in others.

A person may behave in a way that is observed to be arrogant or haughty, yet may be a mask that is worn to cover some inner pain. Or, maybe that is just the way they are.

Muhsin, have you ever tried talking to your friend about her attitude? It doesn't have to be an angry conversation, but maybe if you talk to her, you can have a better understanding. Whatever you may learn, I think you have a couple of choices. As Rachel says if you want this person's friendship, you may have to accept her the way she is, or if you can't live with that you will have to let her go.
Good luck.

[Gawaine]

All of us have our egos. Some guard them more aggressively than others.

Accept your friend's vice as merely an imperfection of character. But if you truely cannot stand it, simply do not call that person friend any longer.

[Gallantry]

The only thing I can think of that would cause an arrogant attitude is insecurity. The person may feel the need, maybe even without realizing it, to make themselves feel better or to remind others and therefore themselves that they have something of which to be proud of. Insecurity seems like it would be just a generic answer but its all I got.

[muhsin]

As I one day read, Shakespeare described love and friendship ness as the most lovable games, which playing never run smooth. So, don’t you think what is happening presently between that lady and me is just manifesting the aptness of this speech?

Though, I still didn’t mouthed love to her, but it’s hurting me (her unscrupulous nature) as though am in love.

Moreover, this kind of “aloof” and “arrogant” attitude-unnatural one is really a dishearten one I know, not only when between lovers but also friends, what’s the simple way of extricating.

In addition, I swear, isn’t to me she has this attitude (because she is getting something from me) but to others; our course mates, my friends etc.

As to the question one of you mentioned, I have face-to-face reprimanded and rebuked her more than one time about what she is doing.

[kathycf]

As to the question one of you mentioned, I have face-to-face reprimanded and rebuked her more than one time about what she is doing.

I didn't mean a reprimand, nor a rebuke. Excuse me for saying so, but both imply a confrontation, and that isn't what I was suggesting. Not to mention that many people get defensive and/or angry when you "rebuke" them, no matter how much you think they deserve it...

A conversation, a simple heart to heart adult conversation. Several people have given reasons as to the why of your friend's behavior, these should offer some insight to you as to how to proceed in a conversation. My only other point is that it is difficult (for me) to comment on a person's behavior when I :

A. Don't know the person.
B. Have not observed this behavior myself.
C. The person cannot speak for herself, since as far as I know she isn't a member of this forum.

[Gallantry]

Aye, a conversation is probably the best way to go about it. It frusturates me that people avoid good honest conversations these days. I'm not a big fan of social games.

[sHaRp12]

It is the natural order of things, when blessed with fortune a human will naturally be over come with a superiority complex.

It is one of our many flaws.

Everybody is arrogant in their own way, some express it to the whole world while others conceil it deep inside them selves for it never to be seen.

PS: IMO!

[Gallantry]

I would think it is more fortunate for everyone if it is kept hidden deep within left to struggle with the intellect and feelings of the individual rather than outwardly expressed where it may cause harm to others. However, if expressed outwardly it could be easier for others to take note and perhaps help the individual take note of their own superiority complex thereby reducing it or better handling it.

[sHaRp12]

^ good point.

[caesar]

Hello! Mushin, everyone. I read your message the very day you posted it. I’m not sure if it was because I wasn’t sure, what to say, that I, then, didn’t make a reply. I've spelled your name incorrectly and so has Rachel. Reminds me of the song Feel Good Inc., by Gorillaz.........."You don't see with your eye. You perceive with your mind."

Well, I'll tell you something I know from my own experience. A couple of years ago, I'd a girl-friend. Her enviable beauty was the limited to her body. Her shrewdness and sassiness added to her attractiveness. Though form a modest family, she was a hopeless snob and had ruthless ambition. We had to part ways because I was interested in playing golf and she was only interested in golf players. I must admit there were many admirable qualities in her. She was smart, self-assured and a go-getter. But, the hatred she nurtured, perverted her virtues. She wanted recompense for the price she’d paid for her folly when she was young and stupid (now she is young and shrewd). She used to say, “All men are bastards!” I thought she liked saying so because it sounds so dramatic. I sometimes worried that she would go do something stupid and reckless. She was skittish and she was moody.

Once, on a rainy night, when we were sitting quietly in my car huddled close together, she suddenly starting crying. I asked her why she was crying. “I’m crying for myself,” she said. I wasn’t sure what to say because, though I knew she was very passionate, she always was very impassive and composed in demeanor and I never pressed her to confide in me. I just held her tight and said, “R, you don’t have to cry for yourself anymore; let me cry your tears.” But she cried and cried inconsolably and when she could cry no more, she said in a surprisingly composed tone, “I wish we were just good friends and had never fallen in love. I’m never sure about myself, but I want you to remember that at this moment I’m certain that I truly love you and I never will hurt you.” I simply said, “I know you do; and I know you won’t.” And, when we broke-up she said, “I never really loved you.” I know she said it just to hurt me.

Everybody has a reason or a justification for what they do, based on their individual experiences. Whether it’s right or wrong is of little consequence. What’s right and wrong varies form person to person and from time to time. Sometimes one would feel justified even in doing what he/she deems as wrong. It don’t matter to them. So it shouldn’t matter to us. There isn’t a common invariable standard to judge rectitude. I, for one, have given-up judging. If you want someone to see your point of view, the right approach would be to subtly convince the other that he/she is wrong; or, that you are right. And, remember, ‘anger is a wasted emotion’. It will only make the other disagree more.

NO MAN CAN CLAIM MONOPOLY OVER THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN - THEY BELONG TO THIS WORLD

[muhsin]

Hello! Mushin, everyone. I read your message the very day you posted it. I’m not sure if it was because I wasn’t sure, what to say, that I, then, didn’t make a reply. I've spelled your name incorrectly and so has Rachel. Reminds me of the song Feel Good Inc., by Gorillaz.........."You don't see with your eye. You perceive with your mind."

Well, I'll tell you something I know from my own experience. A couple of years ago, I'd a girl-friend. Her enviable beauty was the limited to her body. Her shrewdness and sassiness added to her attractiveness. Though form a modest family, she was a hopeless snob and had ruthless ambition. We had to part ways because I was interested in playing golf and she was only interested in golf players. I must admit there were many admirable qualities in her. She was smart, self-assured and a go-getter. But, the hatred she nurtured, perverted her virtues. She wanted recompense for the price she’d paid for her folly when she was young and stupid (now she is young and shrewd). She used to say, “All men are bastards!” I thought she liked saying so because it sounds so dramatic. I sometimes worried that she would go do something stupid and reckless. She was skittish and she was moody.

Once, on a rainy night, when we were sitting quietly in my car huddled close together, she suddenly starting crying. I asked her why she was crying. “I’m crying for myself,” she said. I wasn’t sure what to say because, though I knew she was very passionate, she always was very impassive and composed in demeanor and I never pressed her to confide in me. I just held her tight and said, “R, you don’t have to cry for yourself anymore; let me cry your tears.” But she cried and cried inconsolably and when she could cry no more, she said in a surprisingly composed tone, “I wish we were just good friends and had never fallen in love. I’m never sure about myself, but I want you to remember that at this moment I’m certain that I truly love you and I never will hurt you.” I simply said, “I know you do; and I know you won’t.” And, when we broke-up she said, “I never really loved you.” I know she said it just to hurt me.

Everybody has a reason or a justification for what they do, based on their individual experiences. Whether it’s right or wrong is of little consequence. What’s right and wrong varies form person to person and from time to time. Sometimes one would feel justified even in doing what he/she deems as wrong. It don’t matter to them. So it shouldn’t matter to us. There isn’t a common invariable standard to judge rectitude. I, for one, have given-up judging. If you want someone to see your point of view, the right approach would be to subtly convince the other that he/she is wrong; or, that you are right. And, remember, ‘anger is a wasted emotion’. It will only make the other disagree more.

NO MAN CAN CLAIM MONOPOLY OVER THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN - THEY BELONG TO THIS WORLD

I can simply start by saying titanic kudos to you. your great concern over the ugly situation I was engulfed in really deserves sheer appreciation. Once again thanks.

There is another post I posted today. I'll like you to read it so as to also find another way of mutual understanding between we and women. It's tilled "Melancholic Attitude of Some People Toward Love.