Kill-Keys-Money-Jewelry

[Jarndyce]

This one needs an explanation. Here in Atlanta, a couple of years ago, two teenage girls, friends, stabbed to death the grandparents of the one--Holly Harvey--in the basement of their home. Afterwards, a list was found that said simply, "Kill-Keys-Money-Jewelry." Thus, the impetus for the following. Oh, and the Holly Harvey quote came after she and her friend had been captured. As always, comments, criticisms, ridicule greatly appreciated...



Kill-Keys-Money-Jewelry


“All I want to do is kill.” – Holly Harvey


Kill

Will you love me forever? you asked,
knife hand bloodied to your elbow,
thick urine air and dark basement echoing
the sounds of our escape. The chains of our youth
sloughed off at the last
gargling gasps of our jailors.
There were no innocents here.
Come, take my trembling hand, shaking still,
charged with animal adrenaline
and Elektra’s ancestral passion.
Let’s get out of here.

Keys


Will you dance with me? you asked,
pulling the drenched shirt
over your teenage breasts,
unbuttoning your jeans, stepping
one foot at a time out of evidence
needing to burn. We have time.
Stripping quickly, giggling at our nakedness,
uncomfortable with the promise of sex
and forbidden pleasures. I can taste
the blood in my mouth. Come on.
Come on, you said. Let’s dance.

Money

I have fifty seven dollars and thirty three cents.
That’s enough to get us to Florida.

Jewelry

The only thing my mother ever gave me
that didn’t leave a mark
was this one long thread of gold plate chain
and its de Maille charm.
In a box upstairs there’s a string of fake pearls,
some big clip-on earrings, a retiree watch
and one pair of bruised silver cuff links.
Will you help me? you asked,
trying to pull the thin-worn yellow band
from a limp, bony finger. The skin’s so loose,
it won’t come off.

[Riesa]

Jarndyce,
The skin’s so loose,
it won’t come off. gave me the chills.

I really like this poem.


I have fifty seven dollars and thirty three cents.
That’s enough to get us to Florida. It's such a trifling amount for such a gruesome act, which you show elsewhere, in

In a box upstairs there’s a string of fake pearls,
some big clip-on earrings, a retiree watch
and one pair of bruised silver cuff links.

how depressing.

[ShoutGrace]

The chains of our youth
sloughed off at the last
gargling gasps of our jailors.


In a box upstairs there’s a string of fake pearls, some big clip-on earrings, a retiree watch
and one pair of bruised silver cuff links.


I don't even know what to say. I guess it's not my type of topic? Very creative burst about an unsenseable act . . . Kind of crushing with all it's disturbedness.

[Xamonas Chegwe]

Powerful stuff Jarndyce. I like the homoerotic, lesbian overtones - is this your invention? Or was there a hint of this in the actual case?

Most of my favourite lines have already been mentioned but I do like, "thick urine air" as well - extremely evocative.

There is a strong sense of the frivolous way in which the murder was commited by the two girls in the poem. Very well written.

[autolycus]

It's a narrative poem, which somewhat unaccountably, reminds me of Browning's 'My Last Duchess'. The images are powerful; I agree with 'thick urine air', I like the nod to the classics in "Elektra's ancestral passion". Can't help thinking though that the deliberately jagged sometimes can be partly polished to give better effect.

[Sunlight]

I think is is pretty sick stuff and poetry should not be used to promote(unitentionally) the actions of such people in such tragic circumstances.

[Xamonas Chegwe]

I think is is pretty sick stuff and poetry should not be used to promote(unitentionally) the actions of such people in such tragic circumstances.

I quite agree - poetry should only be used to grind out bland, cliched sentiments - there is no market for this kind of filth - it would never fit into a Hallmark card.

btw - (in the same sarcastic voice) - the poem that you posted earlier would certainly gain Hallmark's interest! :D

[Virgil]

Very nice poem. I do like the first two stanzas better than the others, but there is nothing wrong with the others. It just had a little falling off in intensity so that for me it ended on a lesser note than it began. But I can't fault anything in there.

[blp]

The addresses to a 'you', 'Will you dance with me' etc. are tricky I think. In S1 the 'come take my hand' bit followed by 'let's get out of here' works as counterpoint of the urgent physical reality (supposed) to the other emotions that might be present or a tenderness that is ironically absent, but in the following strophes, the rather formal, decidedly non-demotic mode of address isn't clearly enough demarcated from the rest to carry the same irony. 'Will you dance with me?' doesn't sound like something a modern teenage girl would say and, anyway, I don't really believe the dancing. Sex I might believe, though if you've invented it I can't help resenting the sensationalism of doing that to an already sensational scenario and I'd advise you to be mindful at least of mirroring a homophobic Hollywood tendency that loves to make the bad guys queer. There's something a bit too expected about it anyway, since at least one of the other notorious teenage buddy murder cases involved lesbianism. You might be able to dig around and find something odder and more poignant than dancing or sex - watching TV, drinking some orange juice (feeling really dehydrated), arranging some stuffed animals. I dunno, but I think there could be more of a surprise.

[Jarndyce]

Because there have been questions:

http://www.11alive.com/news/news_article.aspx?storyid=50137

[Virgil]

Unreal........................

[chmpman]

I really like the poem, but, and I'm surprised no one has mentioned it before, the title words annoy me throughout it. Am I alone in thinking this?