Honestly...

[Juarez Fialho]

Last month I went through a very complicated situation. My mourning was still on peak when I decided poetry could maybe work as my escape valve. What do you think about my poem?! I hope my mourning has brought me inspiration, at least.

Please commiserate if it is pitiful, it’s my first poem ever!

Bereave or begin?

Ah, is it ever less treasonable
To predict the future as it should,
Notwithstanding what it could.

It’s so admirable and enchanting,
Sophistical illusion and specious playing.
Though pure lie should count as naught,
It might reflect the pain it brought.

The greatest woe is said to be,
Now overlooks, once deemed to see.
And later on do not forget,
Grieve for sure you will regret.

When you notice she’s a foe,
You should discuss the question herein.
Will you still stop and bow?
Or perhaps now, will re-begin.

By: Juarez Fialho Jr.

[Bandini]

Minor point - 'bow' (to bend at the waist) and 'bow' ( as in ribbon, or ...and arrow) are homographs - the later rhymes with 'foe', the former with 'cow'.

It is not pitiful at all - although I found it a little difficult to understand just what you were expressing- but it's a very personal poem I guess. Poetry is for you and can be a great 'valve', as you say. Keep writing.

[Juarez Fialho]

Thanks! Bow/fow... That was really stupid!
You are right, I think perhaps I´m the only one who can really understand it.
Thank you, once more.

p.s. after reading it, do you hate "her" as well? =]

[Bandini]

No, And I don't think you do either - I reckon you're hurt. It feels like your hurting more than anybody ever, but there'll be more love and more pain! maybe one day you'll be one of the lucky ones. Begin!

And I don't think you are at all stupid - the English language is a mass of confusing homographs and homophones!

[Juarez Fialho]

Yes, I recon. I’m Brazilian, so sometimes I tend to jumble up some things. I do detest her though!
Thank you for posting...

[Bandini]

Begin!...........

[Riesa]

I think your poem has a lovely rhythm to it.

[Juarez Fialho]

"I think your poem has a lovely rhythm to it."
Thank you... But did you understand what it meant? (This question might seem awkward, however, coming to think of it, it is really way too personal, unfortunately.)

[Riesa]

I didn't really follow everything in it, but maybe something like this:
You think everything is fine in love, but something unforeseen takes place, either your fault or hers which ends it all, and now what?

I am a little confused, I must admit, but that's pretty much what I got from it, I'm not the best at poetry analysis, a lot of the time, I like a poem based on how it sounds to my ear...sorry, that's not very clear.

[Juarez Fialho]

THAT'S EXACTLY IT!!! You are quite modest, i'm sure...

[kathycf]

Nice job overall, the only part I thought was a *little* bit awkward was the second stanza. That is just my opinion. I especially liked this part:


Will you still stop and bow? Or perhaps now, will re-begin.

I agree with you that poetry and writing in general can be a good way to blow off some steam. I do the same. I hope you are feeling less grieved.

[blp]

I think if you really hate her, we could be hearing a lot more about that. Perhaps another poem?

[Juarez Fialho]

I think if you really hate her, we could be hearing a lot more about that. Perhaps another poem?
Thank you for the incentive blp! See if you can sort some things, I hope this is better than the last!

Ravel thoughts that can’t be seen.

From that crook, there’s naught to say,
But inwardly I’m blown away.

So let me start from what she did,
She sure ain´t worth a single quid.

She said her life would be with me,
And mentioned he was far away.
I’m glad that now there is no we,
Although be sure there is a they.

I did forgive I should have not,
But so much happiness she brought…

Now new love came along,
And nothing’s best but a new song.
So now a happy dance I sing,
All good things love can bring.

Huddled in my busted being,
All ravel thoughts can now be seen.

By: Juarez Fialho Jr.

[Bandini]

So let me start from what she did,
She sure ain´t worth a single quid.

[/i]


Love it!...................

[Juarez Fialho]

Love it!...................
I wish this one was better than the last... =]

[amanda_isabel]

juarez, dont worry about it. both are great.

[Juarez Fialho]

Thank you Amanda!
Oh, and since everybody here got to know when I was down, I would like to let you all know that I’m right now composing a love poem about my new girlfriend! I’m sure it will be great since there is a surplus of inspiration here!

Advice: Love with all your heart, do not fear the end because it’s usually the beginning as well.

Thanks for the complements, all of you!

p.s. Bandini, I want your critic point of view on my second poem as well!!!!

[grace86]

I thought both of your poems were great. I did have a little bit of trouble understanding the first one. But they were great none the less. I think I have told someone else on this site that I know absolutely nothing about poetry...but it did sound really good.

Looking forward to reading your newest one.

[Bandini]

Thank you Amanda!
Oh, and since everybody here got to know when I was down, I would like to let you all know that I’m right now composing a love poem about my new girlfriend!



Heh! I thought this might be the case! Good lad - glad you're beginning! Look forward to your poem. Something special about a poem written in love.