An offering

[Twiddler]

A violent sunset

The sun fought desperately.
The red of his blood
on the gold of his shield
inspired the stars.
He fought until ready for death,
but he still fell.
Soon, his brother the Moon rose,
showing the ancient glory lives on
and will not be forgotten.

[Petrarch's Love]

Twiddler--I really like the feeling of the epic in brief you've given us here. Personification at its finest. My favorite lines are these:


The red of his blood
on the gold of his shield
inspired the stars.

You have nice control over your language here. There is very little that seems superflous in your direct lines, and yet you manage to maintain a very poetic feel in the piece, much like the syle of epic poetry. I'll be looking at the sunset a little differently tomorrow night.

[genoveva]

*If* you wanted to revise, try eliminating the use of the past tense.

[TodHackett]

Twiddler--

Awesome, esp. given what I know about your poetry.

Have you read Auden's "The Shield of Achilles"?