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View Full Version : (PENANCE)....Prose? Poetry? Prose poetry? Neither?! You decide!



jon1jt
02-10-2006, 05:17 AM
Life moves like a circle
The circle hangs patiently above
A mother's womb
High above a pale blue ocean
Where seagulls cry like a newborn baby's open
Mouth, thrown from the illumined water
The fragrance of blue baby eyes
and the baby smile
Don't cry now child,
Mom must rest, rest
Mother's weary, dark, and cold
hear the pain flow
While father prays for forgiveness
"Draw the curtain, she needs rest."
'Rest,' so oft-invoked,
and 'school,’ school baby child
Turn left, then right, go round back
To the red brick building with the
Gold Cross on the door
Bold, like Martin Luther
The world waits
You're a special child
Special, gregarious, and smart
Pretty and sweet
Just like mother
Waiting tables for a dime

Smell the aroma loom 'cross street
Little Italy in the house where Grandma
Holds a lit cigarette
that pillows between wrinkles and
a pale yellow curtain draped back
peering eyes through the porthole of
a frosty, living room window, fading
The child wild and alone
Delicious moment on the eyes
Moving along, one human motif
in space and time
Grandma will teach you death someday baby child
O' smile baby, smile to make me laugh
to make this all better
Around and round the circle baby goes!
When grown, across

Marred earth tattered black and whites
Football cheers in flight
Blonde, porcelain-faced gal wearing dad in locket
Gazes on a stadium electric
#44 with white helmet
A father, yet
Fatigued in room with buzzing
Machines, mint green gowns, gurgling TVs
A sea of blank faces
In the waiting room a boy sighs,
But he’s a man
She was nearby
Both enraptured in a midnight reflection
The shape of a halo
Or was it the song of the circle
All the while

Wherever you are
It conspires to conceal itself
The secret of the circle...a sole, pale arc
Burns with grace and hope,
Grief and magic stars high above
To which we open ourselves
Naked, willing, swaying
Over the abyss
One roaring, eternal flame

genoveva
03-04-2006, 04:59 AM
You're a special child
Special, gregarious child, and smart
Pretty and sweet
Just like mother
Waiting tables for a dime



This is a really nice prose poem. I especially like the above lines. Consider omitting the second "child" after the word "gregarious. And maybe that second "Special" too.

All the wonderful details really make your poem work. Consider playing around with the format.

rachel
03-04-2006, 11:56 AM
Oh Jon
your words swept me away. I loved each part for its own magic
but what gave me butterflies and memories of my childhood-
walking all the way from the British school as a tiny girl to the Italian section of town to wait patiently and shyly in a little red fake leather booth for my auntie to finish working in the kitchen of Gino's as chef.
I always ordered the same-hamburger, fries and a coke(my grown up treat once a week)
And all the Italian families busy, laughing and talking at once as they ate and drank.
The grandma and grandpa the revered heads of each little party, circles of white smoke above their heads as they smoked and talked and laughed.
oh the beautiful memories. I like the rythmn and the way every now and then a word jerks you to another thought and well. thank you Jon

jon1jt
03-05-2006, 02:13 AM
You both are too kind and I owe you for your time. I promise that if I have my way and publish anything that yields a substantial return in the next two years, I'll send you a nice percentage or will donate a portion to a charity of your choice and take you on a trip around the world. Deal? ;)