PerAnnum
12-13-2005, 03:01 PM
So, Casey is leaving. Yes, she's right here in front of me packing all of her things to move out and go home... she leaves tomorrow. For 3 years we've been friends and room mates. I've lived with her, cried with her, laughed with her, and prayed for her. I don't know how to take this. What do I do?! How am I supposed to feel about this whole thing? She's in blatant rebellion!! She has left us for a guy, a boy! An inconsiderate little puke of a child who wouldn't know how to be a man if someone took him step by step through and Idiots Guide manual. I'm angry. I'm hurt. I'm tired of life... I'm tired of hearin gher voice being happy and acting like everything is ok, because it's not!! How could she do this to us, her friends?! Should I just stand by and let her do this? Everything within me wants to tie her up and lock her in a closet somewhere utnil she comes to her senses and decides to stay, or at least decides never to sepak to, look at, or think about David ever again. He'll crush her, I know it.
She's sayint that she's prayed. She saying that this is good. She's acting like this whole thing is just a big vacation for her and it makes me angry. She acting spiritual... like she thinks this is God's will or something. I don't know, maybe it is. Why is she doeing this? Can anyone, anything answer me that?? Can anyone tell me why I want to throw up right now? Whi I want to jump out that window? Why I want to go home so badly and just crawl onto my mother's bed and weep for hours?
And she's still afraid of me!! That's what confuses me the most! Why does she still care so much about what I think?? Why does she still want my approval of this stupid guy? I've NEVER apporved of him... never! And I won't ever approve of him... EVER! "Its be nice to Casey day, because she's had a rough day. So it's still be nice to Casey time. So be nice to me." That's what she's saying.. like she's had this horrible day, as she talk to this stupid idiot of a loser that she's startred dating. I can't stand it. I just watn to say something to her, let her know how much I'm hurt. But I'm just numb to it, like I don't care... But I do. I hate that I do. I hate that she's talking to him. He just wants to control her!! I hate... that I hate.
I'm tired right now. I'm sick and tired right now. I just want to throw all herjunk in the back yard and burn it... and then beat her up, maybe then she'll know what kind of pain she's put us through. All of us. Not just me and Kristen and Stacey, but Rebecca knows now too. And Poor Daniella... seh's in just as much pain. Can I kick her? Would that be wrong? Would it be terrible if I just kicked her in the wouth with steel toed boots? I think I could justify it. Now she want me to hel her pack and tape her stupid boxes for her, cause she doesn't know how to do it. She won't even talk to me, yet she wants me to help her. JERK!! God, help me.
I'm not angry... I'm just hurt... very hurt. And she doesn't care. Look at her face. She doesn't see the pain she's inflicted on us all. She doesn't see the gap she's putting in our lives. She doesn't see friends she's made these past few years. She doesn't see anything... but herself.
She's sayint that she's prayed. She saying that this is good. She's acting like this whole thing is just a big vacation for her and it makes me angry. She acting spiritual... like she thinks this is God's will or something. I don't know, maybe it is. Why is she doeing this? Can anyone, anything answer me that?? Can anyone tell me why I want to throw up right now? Whi I want to jump out that window? Why I want to go home so badly and just crawl onto my mother's bed and weep for hours?
And she's still afraid of me!! That's what confuses me the most! Why does she still care so much about what I think?? Why does she still want my approval of this stupid guy? I've NEVER apporved of him... never! And I won't ever approve of him... EVER! "Its be nice to Casey day, because she's had a rough day. So it's still be nice to Casey time. So be nice to me." That's what she's saying.. like she's had this horrible day, as she talk to this stupid idiot of a loser that she's startred dating. I can't stand it. I just watn to say something to her, let her know how much I'm hurt. But I'm just numb to it, like I don't care... But I do. I hate that I do. I hate that she's talking to him. He just wants to control her!! I hate... that I hate.
I'm tired right now. I'm sick and tired right now. I just want to throw all herjunk in the back yard and burn it... and then beat her up, maybe then she'll know what kind of pain she's put us through. All of us. Not just me and Kristen and Stacey, but Rebecca knows now too. And Poor Daniella... seh's in just as much pain. Can I kick her? Would that be wrong? Would it be terrible if I just kicked her in the wouth with steel toed boots? I think I could justify it. Now she want me to hel her pack and tape her stupid boxes for her, cause she doesn't know how to do it. She won't even talk to me, yet she wants me to help her. JERK!! God, help me.
I'm not angry... I'm just hurt... very hurt. And she doesn't care. Look at her face. She doesn't see the pain she's inflicted on us all. She doesn't see the gap she's putting in our lives. She doesn't see friends she's made these past few years. She doesn't see anything... but herself.