Without

[Jeremy]

Wondering why
thoughts deep inside
cares without pasion
strength without pain
love without depth
its all in vain



blah what do you think?

[Koa]

Seems effective, though maybe a bit incomplete... Not that this bit can't stay on its own anyway...
Btw....was it 'in vain' or really 'in vein'... The vein brings a new sense to it... :o

[Dyrwen]

Definetly has a little more that can be added. Perhaps just add in the afterthought as a new stanza, or just an add on to the parts themselves now.. "Wondering why I.. blah" adding on a bit. Heh, suppose there's little support for short poems nowadays. Either like it or you don't..

[right_and_gone]

i like it. many of my poems are rather short as well, but it says just enough for everyone reading it to get the idea.
good job

right and gone