errrrrrr.....trying not to ryhme?

[Phoenix_Tears]

Looking back on all i've done
It all just seems like a bunch of nothing
I just slept all day and hid away from everyone i knew
Thats what led to this solitude and haunting pain i feel
But now i do not know, how to show that i want to talk again


Aye aye aye.. sorry firestarter but this not rhymning thing is killing me.
this is how i would normally write this, tell me which sounds better.

Looking back on all i've done and all that i wanted to do
I just slept all day and hid away from everything i knew
It paved the way to the way i am now and the haunting pain i feel
But yet i do not know how to get real
Everything i did compared to all i wanted to do
Will always be nothing, for that was all i could make of it-

[firestarter]

well i see what your saying about your poems. the version that doesnt ryhm sounds more flowing, meaning you dont really have to worry about pattern and such. i did like the version that did ryhm because it does sound poetic, but i got lost at this line

But yet i do not know how to get real
i felt that it stopped the pattern, the line was too short perhaps. im not a very good critique myself, so these observations probably dont really need to be taken to heart. but i hope it was found useful.
firestarter

[Phoenix_Tears]

I don't like this word seeing as i cut it out of my dictionarys and etc. But at this present time i CANNOT not ryhme. Its like a mental block or something.