Sensation of Symbolism (For the new faces)

[b]

Sauntering through a smoggy sea
scrubby sand sticks to my sweaty skin
in salt.

A raving blast of sultry wind
suffocates my dusty face
and stuffs my soaking eyes
with soil.

And I snort.

My dry tongue strangels
in a rubby mouth
and I swallow
the crumbled bits
of a cracked palate.

So I collapse.

My nose is glued
with the smelling stench
of a foul-faced earth.

I see.

What do you think of this?

[Phoenix_Tears]

It instills in my mind, that the meaning is centered around pollution.

My nose is glued
with the smelling stench
of a foul-faced earth

That is just what i think it sounds like, correct me if i am wrong. The structure is something i am not in the least used to handling, but i must say i also get the impression you are writing about something you really, honest to god, care about? wrong/right? i am really bad at this, but it's a learning process.
Cheerio
Phoen-x

[b]

Well, Phoenix_Tears

You could indeed say that it's primairy meaning is about 'pollution', but not it a direct, 'visible' and physical 'sense': with eyes full of sand and a mouth full of dust, you can't see - and think - clearly. This is no left-wing political kind of poem referring to environmentalism - for God's sake - but it describes something buried much deeper under the foundations of human nature.

The direct events describe a lyrical subject, wandering through a desert, through a mind-dusting waste land, bullied by a harsh atmosphere of torturing incomfortabilty. The lyrical subject searches his / her way through an inhumain place, that tears apart the human senses and makes any possible paths invisible and eventually insensible. Throughout the poem, the lyrical subject - and the reader - become gradually more disorientated and confused by their environment: the lyrical subject slowly collapses in the sand, while the reader drowns in associations and the search for meaning.

As a poet, I tried to unfold the structure of the humain associative thinking, digging into the unconsciousness - a smoggy sea -, and strangling in a desert of the 'insensible' unknown. So the poem represents that philosophical search, as well as the process of experiencing a poem and the search for it's meaning. Those two processes are strongly related to each other, and writing this associative poem makes the circle complete and perhaps the question solved. To further increase the confusion, let me recite Joyce again:

Ineluctable modality of the visible: at least that if no more, thought hrough my eyes. (Ulysses, chapture 3)

When the lyrical subject collapses, the poem ends, the reader is released from the confusing associations and everyone involved can SEE again, including the writer.

[gatsbysghost]

Thank you for making me use my head for twenty seconds. The first time I read the poem I didn't pay close attention to the title, thus, it was blinding torture. This time around, after digesting the title, it made perfect sense. So, much to your chagrin, I'm going to go ahead and say........I like it. :) I didn't infer as much from the poem as you broke down in your previous post, although after reading said post I understand completely. It is a well written, valid lesson that should be heeded by anyone who fancies theirself as a writer.

[b]

Thousand Thanks for your comments!

However: I don't want this whole thing to be 'a lesson that should be heeded by anyone who fancies theirself as a writer', for there are also types of writing that don't require the understanding of the associative nature of the human mind - at least not as consciously and deeply as I intended it in my poem. I mean: what does a soap writer or even an author-authority like Tom Clancy has to do with this?

[gatsbysghost]

true

[Koa]

Hey it's not fair ;)
Can I put up mine too? :)

[b]

Hey, Koa!

Enjoying your holidays too?

ps.

Of course you can put up yours too - whatever you mean by that!

[Koa]

Lol...I meant re-show the old poems I posted here, that are now lost in the millions of posts, as some time has passed...

Holidays were ok, I have an exam in 3 weeks so I'm starting to study again...slooowly....

[alissa]

Bartholomeus Bloom~
hey- sorry to barge in on your conversation. i just wanted to say i enjoy reading all your thoughts about everything. not only are you a good poet but your thoughts regarding other peoples poetry are so well written. i'm impressed! okay thats it....*alissa*

[AbdoRinbo]

Score another one for The Expert.

[b]

Thank you, Alissa

Please be free to comment whatever you like on the poems posted here! Reveal your associations and stylistical critique without hesitation and if you write poetry yourself and want to share it, I'll be looking forward to reading it.

================

That's not how it works, AbdoRinbo

Let's try not to make this a stupid game: this atmosphere isn't competive in the most common sense of the word, so please don't imply the opposite. I think the 'Personal Poetry' forum isn't suitable for these kind of games, so please use the 'General Discussion' forum as our 'playground'. And about our teasing attitude towards each other: let's change that, beginning right now.

[den]

Hey Bart, you write lots of poetry, you're imaginative, join the Haiku thread! please??

[AbdoRinbo]

Just do it, you don't want to see den when she's desperate.

[b]

Of course I do want to see den when she is desperate: I have never seen anyone of you people in real life before, so it would definately be very intersting to meet you in that kind of intense emotional state, wouldn't it?

But anyway: I already joined the Haiku-post, didn't I?

[AbdoRinbo]

There's no time to argue! Do it, before she gets hungry!

[b]

This scares me:


to children's young mouths
cooked broccoli tastes awful
but I love it raw

:P

Especially in this context:


but I love it raw
'cause I'm a cute red bunny
frying in your pan

And with this reply:


bunny? red? :D :P :D

frying in your pan
sweetbreads port wine and garlic
decadence spurs life

Now that is an apetite :D

[AbdoRinbo]

She has a weakness for sweet things.

[b]

I had hoped for a more elaborate reply.
Let us tease no more,
except hidden in Haiku verse

[AbdoRinbo]

Don't worry, Bart. When den sees this she's gonna have a good laugh . . . and then maybe smack me.