Reborn-poem

[tear_killer]

Reborn

Draw forth,unto me, oh darkest shadows
and drain the earth of heat.
i am a reborn this eventide.
my cycle of death is complete.

i've looked my last upon hated sun
i crave for spring no more.
i've become a servert to the moon
to the thrill of hunting

i've given all, most eagerly,
to live the life of the undead
the night's become my true compaion
it is to shadow that i'm wed

[Ammaria]

I liked this poem. It had good flow and rhythm except one line...."to the thrill of hunting"...should, judging by the rest of the poem, rhyme with "i crave for spring no more". Other than that it seems complete how it is.

[Phoenix_Tears]

I really like it.
Now for the honest critisim( i forget if this is spelt correct)
if there is one thing i have learned from ammaria's critique, it is that once you start a flow(ab ab or whatever) you must stick to it. i think the line, with hunting in it does not fit right. do not get me wrong, i really like the poem, but this is really and trully the only fault i find within your poem.

ho ricercato l'intero di questa terra più e più volte, e devo trovare ancora che cerco-

(just a little food for thought! wink

[tear_killer]

Reborn

Draw forth,unto me, oh darkest shadows
and drain the earth of heat.
i am a reborn this eventide.
my cycle of death is complete.

i've looked my last upon hated sun
i crave for spring no more.
i've become a servert to the moon
to the thrill of hunting (whores)

i've given all, most eagerly,
to live the life of the undead
the night's become my true compaion
it is to shadow that i'm wed

[Phoenix_Tears]

perfect !!!

[tear_killer]

cool