The Girl in the corner-poem

[tear_killer]

this is a poem i made.

Girl in the corner.

Im the Girl who sits in the corner
People walk by me,
But they just stare
They try stupid things,
They yell and make fun of me
What the dont see
Is one day there wont be any me
so this is why I sit in the corner
Andlet them laugh at me.

[tear_killer]

some one peoples resond to it

[Phoenix_Tears]

I want to be completely honest and i will because i believe that telling the truth is the best thing to do, ALWAYS and in EVERY scenario. I was once told by someone on this board that they wanted to seriously criticize my qork, but that they did not want me to take it the wrong way. But i didn't and i am better off for knowing the truth. Do not be offended but here i go.

Im the Girl who sits in the corner
People walk by me,-

you started off ok, but then you turned and sounded illiterate and i know from your other poem you are not.
But they just stare
They try stupid things, you could probably have done a little better on these lines. they try stupid things. how about they say hurtful things. Or they do foolish/hurtful things.
They yell and make fun of me
What the dont see
Is one day there wont be any me


Once again the structure started out ok, then you ryhmed in a poem that had a non ryhming structure. i really hope you don't take this the wrong way, and as i and many others need to, you could use a little growth. No one ever needs no growth or learning or expansion but our almighty.
by the way "and let them laugh at me is the one line that i liked"-

[tear_killer]

i don't take this the wrong way, but i wasnt going for everyday poetry, like the line "They try stupid things, " it ust dosent mean they do foolish/hurtful things.


and the line "Is one day there wont be any me" there wont be any left in the girl who sit in the corner, in stead of saying that i put it the way i want it to.

[Phoenix_Tears]

what ever floats the boat. you are welcome besides. you can be as crual as you can with me. i prefer the truth anyways.
til next time(if there is a next time-
since nothing is certain exept that we die-
P.H.O.E.N.X

[Hardy Parkerson]

Hey, it's a good poem, girl! Better than much of what I see in the NEW YORKER Magazine.

The Cajun Poet

[Kahrey]

I liked it very much, I know exactly how the girl in the corner feels. Very good job!