NEED SOME REAL FEEDBACK HERE PPL

[Phoenix_Tears]

I am trying to decide what to do with this poem. i need to know if it is good or not. if not i chuck it and start anew. if so, then i keep it and revise it

The music you write on my heart
Might give others a startled start
But they'd never understand
The love we share
Dare they even try to compare
For our love is stronger than love itself
This is a love that will never be put on a shelf
When i am not with you my thoughts are
When i am with you my thoughts are afar
I lose my mind when i am in your arms
I lose my arms when i am not in your arms
Is it not about time that i tell you so
If i do how will it go?
Give me a chance, and i'll give you my every breath
I'll give you my heart til my death
-------- Entitled "Our Love"
PLEASE WRITE SOME FEEDBACK PLEASE!!!! DO NOT JUST READ IT AND NOT REPLY. I AM IN EARNEST....... cry

[Ammaria]

Honestly, its full of cliches. It doesn't flow well, like a rocky path for the tongue. I've read your other poems and wonder what happened with this one. <shrug> -?

[apstudent]

If you really need a love poem, you can borrow mine, I give you permission, HA HA. J/K. Actually, I agree with above, it is not as smooth as your other poems, although I like the content.

[Phoenix_Tears]

i appreciate the honesty. i have recently decided to stick to what i am best at. i am in a kinda mourning at the moment. my grandpa who i am very close to has recently passed away. and my favourite charactour in a book series was killed off( not that that is very bad compared to my grandpa dying). just one more painful experience to challenge my inner strength. the pain passes, the beaury remains. or something like that!