Chapter 16





--Come apace, good Audrey, I will fetch
Up your goats, Audrey: and how, Audrey? am
I the man yet? Doth my simple features content
You.

_As You Like It._


While the mummeries related were exhibiting in the great square, Maso,
Pippo, Conrad, and the others concerned in the little disturbance
connected with the affair of the dog, were eating their discontent within
the walls of the guard-house. V�vey has several squares, and the various
ceremonies of the gods and demigods were now to be repeated in the smaller
areas. On one of the latter stands the town-house and prison. The
offenders in question had been summarily transferred to the gaol, in
obedience to the command of the officer charged with preserving the peace.
By an act of grace, however, that properly belonged to the day, as well as
to the character of the offence, the prisoners were permitted to occupy a
part of the edifice that commanded a view of the square, and consequently
were not precluded from all participation in the joyousness of the
festivities. This indulgence had been accorded on the condition that the
parties should cease their wrangling, and otherwise conduct themselves in
a way not to bring scandal on the exhibition in which the pride of every
V�vaisan was so deeply enlisted. All the captives, the innocent as well as
the guilty, gladly subscribed to the terms; for they found themselves in
a temporary duresse which did not admit of any fair argument of the merits
of the case, and there is no leveller so effectual as a common misfortune.

The anger of Maso, though sudden and violent, the effect of a hot
temperament, had quickly subsided in a calm which more probably belonged
to his education and opinions, in all of which he was much superior to his
profligate antagonist. Contempt, therefore, soon took the place of
resentment; and though too much accustomed to rude contact with men of the
pilgrim's class to be ashamed of what had occurred, the manner strove to
forget the occurrence. It was one of those moral disturbances to which he
was scarcely less used than he was accustomed to encounter physical
contests of the elements like that in which he had lately rendered so
essential service on the Leman.

"Give me thy hand, Conrad;" he said, with the frank forgiveness which is
apt to distinguish the reconciliation of men who pass their lives amid the
violent, but sometimes ennobling, scenes of adventure and lawlessness.
"Thou hast thy humors and habits, and I have mine. If thou findest this
traffic in penances and prayers to thy fancy, follow the trade, of
Heaven's sake, and leave me and my dog to live by other means!"

"Thou ought'st to have bethought thee how much reason we pilgrims have to
prize the mastiffs of the mountain," answered Conrad, "and how likely it
was to stir my blood to see another cur devouring that which was intended
for old Uberto. Thou hast never toiled up the sides of St. Bernard, friend
Maso, loaded with the sins of a whole parish, to say nothing of thine own,
and therefore canst not know the value of these brutes, who so often
stand between us pilgrims and a grave of snow."

Il Maledetto smiled grimly, and muttered a sentence between his teeth;
for, in perfect consonance with the frank lawlessness of his own life,
there was a reckless honesty in his nature, which caused him to despise
hypocrisy as unworthy of the bold attributes of manhood.

"Have it as thou wilt, pious Conrad," he said sneeringly, "so there be
peace between us. I am, as thou knowest, an Italian, and though we of the
south seek revenge occasionally of those who wrong us, it is not often
that we do violence after giving a willing palm--I trust ye of Germany are
no less honest?"

"May the Virgin be deaf to every ave I have sworn to repeat, and the good
fathers of Loretto refuse absolution, if I think more of it! 'Twas but the
gripe of a throat, and I am not so tender in that part of the body as to
fear it is to be the forerunner of a closer squeeze. Didst ever hear of a
churchman that suffered in this way?"

"Men often escape with less than their deserts;" Maso drily answered.
"Well, fortune, or the saints, or Calvin, or whatever power most suits
your tastes, good friends, has at length put a roof over our heads,--an
honor that rarely arrives to most of us, if I may judge by appearances and
some little knowledge of the different trades we follow. Thou wilt have a
fair occasion to suffer Policinello to rest from his uneasy antics, Pippo,
while his master breathes the air through a window for the first time in
many a day, as I will answer."

The Neapolitan had no difficulty in laughing at this sally; for his was a
nature that took all things pleasantly, though it took nothing under the
corrective of principle or a respect for the rights of others.

"Were this Napoli, with her gentle sky and hot volcano," he said, smiling
at the allusion, "no one would have less relish for a roof than myself."

"Thou wast born beneath the arch of some Duca's gateway," returned Maso,
with a sort of reckless sarcasm, that as often cut his friends as his
enemies; "thou wilt probably die in the hospital of the poor, and wilt
surely be shot from the death-cart into one of the daily holes of thy
Campo Santo, among a goodly company of Christians, in which legs and arms
will be thrown at random like jack-straws, and in which the wisest among
ye all will be puzzled to tell his own limbs from those of his neighbors,
at the sound of the last trumpet."

"Am I a dog, to meet this end!" demanded Pippo, fiercely--"or that I
should not know my own bones from those of some infidel rascal, who may
happen to be my neighbor!"

"We have had one disturbance about brutes, let us not have another;"
sarcastically rejoined Il Maledetto. "Princes and nobles," he added, with
affected gravity, "we are here bound by the heels, during the good
pleasure of those who rule in V�vey; the wisest course will be to pass the
time in good-humor with each other, and as pleasantly as our condition
will allow. The reverend Conrad shall have all the honors of a cardinal,
Pippo shall have the led horse at his funeral, and, as for these worthy
Vaudois, who, no doubt, are men of substance in their way, they shall be
bailiffs sent by Berne to rule between the four walls of our palace! Life
is but a graver sort of mummery, gentlemen, and the second of its barest
secrets is to make others fancy us what we wish to appear--the first
being, without question, the faculty of deceiving ourselves. Now each one
has only to imagine that he is the high personage I have just named, and
the most difficult part of the work is achieved to his hands."

"Thou hast forgotten to name thine own quality," cried Pippo, who was too
much used to buffoonery not to relish the whim of Maso, and who, with
Neapolitan fickleness, forgot his anger the instant he had given it vent.

"I will represent the sapient public, and, being well disposed to be
duped, the whole job is complete. Practise away, worthies, and ye shall
see with what open eyes and wide gullet I am ready to admire and swallow
all your philosophy."

This sally produced a hearty laugh, which rarely fails to establish
momentary good fellowship. The Vaudois, who had the thirsty propensities
of mountaineers, ordered wine, and, as their guardians looked upon their
confinement more as a measure of temporary policy than of serious moment,
the command was obeyed. In a short time, this little group of worldlings
were making the best of circumstances, by calling in the aid of physical
stimulants to cheer their solitude. As they washed their throats with the
liquor, which was both good and cheap and by consequence doubly agreeable,
the true characters of the different individuals began to show themselves
in stronger colors.

The peasants of Vaud, of whom there were three and all of the lowest
class, became confused and dull in their faculties though louder and more
vehement in speech, each man appearing to balance the increasing
infirmities of his reason by stronger physical demonstrations of folly.

Conrad, the pilgrim, threw aside the mask entirely, if, indeed, so thin a
veil as that he ordinarily wore when not in the presence of his employers
deserved such a name, and appeared the miscreant he truly was,--a strange
admixture of cowardly superstition, (for few meddle with superstition
without getting more or less entangled in its meshes,) of low cunning, and
of the most abject and gross sensuality and vice. The invention and wit of
Pippo, at all times ready and ingenious, gained increased powers, but the
torrent of animal spirits that were let loose by his potations swept
before it all reserve, and he scarce opened his mouth but to betray the
thoughts of a man long practised in frauds and all other evil designs on
the rights of his fellow-creatures. On Maso the wine produced an effect
that might almost be termed characteristic, and which it is in some sort
germane to the moral of the tale to describe.

Il Maledetto had indulged freely and with apparent recklessness in the
frequent draughts. He was long familiarized to the habits of this wild and
uncouth fellowship, and a singular sentiment, that men of his class choose
to call honor, and which perhaps deserves the name as much as half of the
principles that are described by the same appellation, prevented him from
refusing to incur an equal risk in the common assault on their faculties,
inducing him to swallow his full share of the intoxicating fluid as the
cup passed from one reeking mouth to another. He liked the wine, too, and
tasted its perfume, and cherished its glowing influence, with the perfect
good-will of a man who knew how to profit by the accident which placed
such generous liquor at his command. He had also his designs in wishing to
unmask his companions, and he thought the moment favorable to such an
intention. In addition to these motives, Maso had his especial reasons for
being uneasy at finding himself in the hands of the authorities, and he
was not sorry to bring about a state of things that might lead to his
being confounded with the others in a group of vulgar devotees of Bacchus.

But Maso yielded to the common disposition in a manner peculiar to
himself. His eyes became even more lustrous than usual, his face reddened,
and his voice even grew thick, while his senses retained their powers. His
reason, instead of giving way, like those of the men around him, rather
brightened under the excitement, as if it foresaw the danger it incurred,
and the greater necessity there existed for vigilance. Though born in a
southern clime, he was saturnine and cold when unexcited, and such
temperaments rather gain their tone than lose their powers by stimulants
under which men of feebler organizations sink. He had passed his life amid
wild adventure and in scenes of peril which suited such a disposition, and
it most probably required either some strong motive of danger, like that
of the tempest on the Leman, or a stimulant of another quality, to draw
out the latent properties of his mind, which so well fitted him to lead
when others were the most disposed to follow. He was, therefore, without
fear for himself while he aroused his companions; and he was free of his
purse, which did not, however, appear to be sufficiently stored to answer
very heavy demands, by ordering cup after cup to supply the place of those
which were so quickly drained to the dregs. In this manner an hour or two
passed swiftly, they who were charged with the care of the jolly party in
the town-house being much more occupied in noting the festivities without,
than those within, the prison.

"Thou hast a merry life of it, honest Pippo," cried Conrad with swimming
eyes, answering a remark of the buffoon. "Thou art but a laugh at the
best, and wilt go through the world grinning and making others grin. Thy
Policinello is a rare fellow, and I never meet one of thy set that weary
legs and sore feet are not forgotten in his fooleries!"

"Corpo di Bacco!--I wish this were so; but thou hast much the best of the
matter, even in the way of amusement, reverend pilgrim, though to the
looker-on it would seem otherwise. The difference between us, pious
Conrad, is just this--that thou laughest in thy sleeve without seeming to
be merry, whereas I yawn ready to split my jaws while I seem to be dying
with fun. Your often-told joke is a bad companion, and gets at last to be
as gloomy as a dirge. Wine can be swallowed but once, and laughter will
not come for ever for the same folly. Cospetto! I would give the earnings
of a year for a set of new jokes, such as might come fresh from the wit of
one who never saw a mountebank, and are not worn threadbare with being
rubbed against the brains of all the jokers in Europe."

"There was a wise man of old, of whom it is not probable that any of you
have ever heard," observed Maso, "who has said there was nothing new under
the sun."

"He who said that never tasted of this liquor, which is as raw as if it
were still running from the press," rejoined the pilgrim. "Knave, dost
think that we are unknowing in these matters, that thou darest bring a pot
of such lees to men of our quality? Go to, and see that thou doest us
better justice in the next!"

"The wine is the same as that which first pleased you, but it is the
nature of drunkenness to change the palate; and therein Solomon was right
as in all other points," coolly remarked Il Maledetto. "Nay, friend, thou
wilt scarce bring thy liquors again to those who do not know how to do
them proper honor."

Maso thrust the lad who served them from the room, and he slipped a small
coin in his hand, ordering him not to return. Inebriety had made
sufficient ravages for his ends, and he was now desirous of stopping
farther excesses.

"Here come the mummers--gods and goddesses, shepherds and their lasses and
all the other pleasantries, to keep us in humor! To do these V�vaisans
justice, they treat us rarely; for ye see they send their players to amuse
our retirement!"

"Wine! liquor! raw or ripe, bring us liquor!" roared Conrad, Pippo, and
their pot-companions, who were much too drunk to detect the agency of Maso
in defeating their wishes, though they were just drunk enough to fancy
that what he said of the attention of the authorities was not only true
but merited.

"How now, Pippo! art ashamed to be outdone in thine own craft, that thou
bellowest for wine at the moment when the actors have come into the square
to exhibit their skill?" cried the mariner. "Truly, we shall have a mean
opinion of thy merit, if thou art afraid to meet a few Vaudois peasants in
thy trade,--and thou a buffoon of Napoli!"

Pippo swore with pot-oaths that he defied the cleverest of Switzerland;
for that he had not only acted on every mall and mole of Italy, but that
he had exhibited in private before princes and cardinals, and that he had
no superior on either side of the Alps. Maso profited by his advantage,
and, by applying fresh goads to his vanity, soon succeeded in causing him
to forget the wine, and in drawing him, with all the others, to the
windows.

The processions, in making the circuit of the city, had now reached the
square of the town-house, where the acting and exhibition were repeated,
as has been already related in general terms to the reader. There were
the officers of the abbaye, the vine-dressers, the shepherds and the
shepherdesses, Flora, Ceres, Pales, and Bacchus, with all the others,
attended by their several trains and borne in state as became their high
attributes. Silenus rolled from his ass, to the great joy of a thousand
shouting blackguards, and to the infinite scandal of the prisoners at the
windows, the latter affirming to a man that there was no acting in the
case, but that the demigod was shamefully under the influence of too many
potations that had been swallowed in his own honor.

We shall not go over the details of these scenes, which all who have ever
witnessed a public celebration will readily imagine, nor is it necessary
to record the different sallies of wit that, under the inspiration of the
warm wines of V�vey and the excitement of the revels, issued from the
group that clustered around the windows of the prison. All who have ever
listened to low humor, that is rather deadened than quickened by liquor,
will understand their character, and they who have not will scarcely be
losers by the omission.

At length the different allegories drawn from the heathen mythology ended,
and the procession of the nuptials came into the square. The meek and
gentle Christine had appeared nowhere that day without awakening strong
sympathy in her youth, beauty, and apparent innocence. Murmurs of
approbation accompanied her steps, and the maiden, more accustomed to her
situation, began to feel, probably for the first time since she had known
the secret of her origin, something like that security which is an
indispensable accompaniment of happiness. Long used to think of herself as
one proscribed of opinion, and educated in the retirement suited to the
views of her parents, the praises that reached her ear could not but be
grateful, and they went warm and cheeringly to her heart, in spite of the
sense of apprehension and uneasiness that had so long harbored there.
Throughout the whole of the day, until now, she had scarce dared to turn
her eyes to her future husband,--him who, in her simple and single-minded
judgment, had braved prejudice to do justice to her worth; but, as the
applause, which had been hitherto suppressed, broke out in loud
acclamations in the square of the town-house, the color mantled brightly
on her cheek, and she looked with modest pride at her companion, as if she
would say in the silent appeal, that his generous choice would not go
entirely without its reward. The crowd responded to the sentiment, and
never did votaries of Hymen approach the altar seemingly under happier
auspices.

The influence of innocence and beauty is universal. Even the unprincipled
and half-intoxicated prisoners were loud in praise of the gentle
Christine. One praised her modesty, another extolled her personal
appearance, and all united with the multitude in shouting to her honor.
The blood of the bridegroom began to quicken, and, by the time the train
had halted in the open space near the building, immediately beneath the
windows occupied by Maso and his fellows, he was looking about him in the
exultation of a vulgar mind, which finds its delight in, as it is apt to
form its judgments from, the suffrages of others.

"Here is a grand and beautiful festa!" said the hiccoughing Pippo, "and a
most willing bride San Gennaro bless thee, bella sposina, and the worthy
man who is the stem of so fair a rose! Send us wine, generous groom and
happy bride, that we may drink to the health of thee and thine!"

Christine changed color, and looked furtively around, for they who lie
under the weight of the world's displeasure, though innocent, are
sensitively jealous of allusions to the sore points in their histories.
The feeling communicated itself to her companion, who threw distrustful
glances at the crowd, in order to ascertain if the secret of his bride's
birth were not discovered.

"A braver festa never honored an Italian corso," continued the Neapolitan,
whose head was running on his own fancies, without troubling itself about
the apprehensions and wishes of others. "A gallant array and a fair bride!
Send us wine, felicissimi sposi, that we may drink to your eternal fame
and happiness! Happy the father that calls thee daughter, bella sposa, and
most honored the mother that bare so excellent a child! Scellerati, ye of
the crowd, why do ye not bear the worthy parents in your arms, that all
may see and do homage to the honorable roots of so rich a branch! Send us
wine, buona gente, send us cups of merry wine!"

The cries and figurative language of Pippo attracted the attention of the
multitude, who were additionally amused by the mixture of dialects in
which he uttered his appeals. The least important trifles, by giving a new
direction to popular sympathies, frequently become the parents of grave
events. The crowd, which followed the train of Hymen, had begun to weary
with the repetition of the same ceremonies, and it now gladly lent itself
to the episode of the felicitations and entreaties of the half-intoxicated
Neapolitan.

"Come forth, and act the father of the happy bride, thyself, reverend and
grave stranger;" cried one in derision, from the throng. "So excellent an
example will descend to thy children's children, in blessings on thy
line!"

A shout of laughter rewarded this retort. It put the quick-witted
Neapolitan on his mettle, to produce a prompt and suitable reply.

"My blessing on the blushing rose!" he answered in an instant. "There are
worse parents than Pippo, for he who lives by making others laugh deserves
well of men, whereas there is your medico, who eats the bread of colics,
and rheumatisms, and other foul diseases, of which he pretends to be the
enemy, though, San Gennaro to aid!--who is there so silly, as not to see
that the knavish doctor and the knavish distemper play into each others
hands, as readily as Policinello and the monkey."

"Hast thou another worse than thyself that can be named," cried he of the
crowd.

"A score, and thou shalt be of the number. My blessing on the fair bride!
thrice happy is she that hath a right to receive the benediction from one
of so honest life as the merry Pippo. Speak not I the truth, figligiola?"

Christine perceived that the hand of her companion was coldly releasing
her own, and she felt the creeping sensation of the blood which is the
common attendant of extreme and humiliating shame. Still she bore up
against the weakness, with that deep reliance on the justice of others
which is usually the most strongly seated in those who are the most
innocent; and she followed the procession, in its circuit, with a step
whose trembling was mistaken for no more than the embarrassment natural to
her situation.

At this moment, as the mummers were wheeling past the town-house, and the
air was filled with music, while a general movement stirred the multitude,
a cry of alarm arose in the building. It was immediately succeeded by such
a rush of bodies towards the spot, as indicates, in a throng, a sudden
and general interest in some new and extraordinary event.

The crowd was beaten back and dispersed, the procession had disappeared,
and there was an unusual appearance of activity and mystery among the
officials of the place, before the cause of this disturbance began to be
whispered among the few who remained in the square. The rumor ran that one
of the prisoners, an athletic Italian mariner had profited by the
attention of all the other guardians of the place being occupied by the
ceremonies, to knock down the solitary sentinel, and to effect his escape,
followed by all the drunkards who were able to run.

The evasion of a few lawless blackguards from their prison was not an
event likely long to divert the attention of the curious from the
amusements of the day, especially as it was understood that their
confinement would have terminated of itself with the setting sun. But when
the fact was communicated to Peter Hofmeister, the sturdy bailiff swore
fifty harsh oaths at the impudence of the knaves, at the carelessness of
their keepers, and in honor of the good cause of justice in general. After
which he incontinently commanded that the runaways should be apprehended.
This material part of the process achieved, he moreover, ordered that they
should be brought forthwith into his presence, even should he be engaged
in the most serious of the ceremonies of the day. The voice of Peter
speaking in anger was not likely to be unheard, and the stern mandate had
scarcely issued from his lips, when a dozen of the common thief-takers of
Vaud set about the affair in good earnest, and with the best possible
intentions to effect their object. In the mean time the sports continued,
and, as the day drew on, and the hour for the banquet approached, the good
people began to collect once more in the great square to witness the
closing scenes, and to be present at the nuptial benediction, which was to
be pronounced over Jacques Colis and Christine by a real servitor of the
altar, as the last and most important of the ceremonies of that eventful
day.



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